I WAS A WILD WOMAN.
That was what Matthew turned me into. I got piercings and tattoos, and when I sat in the chair at the tattoo parlor, I became aroused watching Matthew watch me while another man poked my body.
It was the way he was looking at me while the needle penetrated my skin. His breathing was heavier. His eyes glued to my flesh. And when I looked down, I could see the noticeable bulge in his jeans.
He was hard.
For me.
He wanted me.
“Do you want something to drink?” he asked as he went into the kitchen and pulled open his refrigerator.
“Yes, please.”
He bent over, and I let my eyes move over his body and across his ass. He really was amazing to look at.
Tall.
Dark.
Gorgeous.
When he looked at me as if he wanted to devour me, it did something to my body and mind. Something I was ready to investigate.
I didn’t wait for him to come back over to me with a bottle of water. Instead, I went to him. When he turned around, I put my arms around his neck, pressed my body against his, and kissed him. The two bottles of water fell to the floor, the plastic meeting the wood before rolling under the kitchen island
He growled against my lips, walking me backward until my butt pressed against the cold marble countertop. He pushed his long fingers into the hair at my temples and tilted my head to deepen the kiss. I matched him stroke for stroke, taking in his taste and breathing him in until I felt as if I was ready to shatter.
I was hot, my entire body flaming for him, and when he reached down and ran his fingers across my thigh, careful not to touch the bandaged space where my new ink was, I released his lips and moaned in pleasure.
Our heavy breaths filled the silence of the room around us, but when he pushed his thumb under my panty line and ran it across my freshly shaved center, I cried out.
His eyes opened, and he looked me in the eye. I swallowed hard, unsure of what I was doing, but sure I couldn’t stop it. His thumb pressed into me, sliding across my wet clit and making my knees buckle.
“Matthew?” I whispered, not exactly sure what I was asking him.
“Yeah?”
“I feel so …” I stopped.
No words in the English language could describe what I was feeling. At least none in my mind since he had shattered all rational thought the second he began to move his thumb in a circular motion.
“What? Tell me how you feel?” He leaned in, brushing his mouth across my cheek.
“I feel hot all over.”
His lips skimmed my neck before his tongue peeked out, and he tasted me.
“You taste so good,” he muttered against my skin. “What you feel’s normal. Everything’s perfect.”
His thumb moved down, pressing at my entrance and swirling in the liquid heat seeping from my body.
“So wet for me,” he whispered.
Then he shocked me when he pulled his thumb away from my body and stuck it in his mouth, sucking my juices from his skin.
“Fuck, you’re sweet, Red.”
He kissed me, and I could taste exactly how sweet I was. His hand went back between my thighs, pushing my panties to the side so he could thrust two thick fingers inside me.
I gasped, and my eyes popped open, the sensation confusing me.
It felt amazing—my body pouring for him—opening like it hadn’t opened in years, but at the same time, a deadlock flew over my emotions, caging me in and making me claustrophobic. My body and everything I was feeling melted away, leaving only space for the memories—reminding me of the last time I’d felt something pressed into my body.
The pressure.
The intrusion.
It all floated through my mind like black and white clouds of disgust.
“Stop!” I screamed as I pushed at his arm like a mad woman, dislodging his fingers from inside me.
“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asked, his eyes full of worry.
I pushed him away, and he moved back toward me out of concern. It was wrong, and I knew I would feel bad about it later, but I yelled, “Get away from me!”
He backed away, his hands up in surrender.
“I don’t know what I did, Shannon, but I’m sorry.”
Tears slid over my cheeks, dripping from my chin and filling me with humiliation.
“You didn’t …” I started, but then I realized there was no way to fix the situation. So instead, I asked, “Will you please take me home?”
He nodded, reaching out and snatching his keys from the counter beside us.
No words were exchanged on the way to his car, and we rode in thick silence as he drove me home. When we pulled up in front of my apartment building, I didn’t give him a chance to question me. I pushed the door open, hopped out, and shut the door on him calling out my name.
MY PHONE WAS GOING TO EXPLODE.
He blew up my messages with apologies. He had no reason to ask for forgiveness, but I was too embarrassed and upset to respond.
Matthew: Whatever I did, I’m sorry.
Matthew: Please talk to me.
Matthew: I’m an asshole. I’m sorry if I pushed you.
Matthew: I don’t care if we never have sex. Please, Shannon.
He tried to call twice, but I sent him straight to voicemail. Finally, around midnight, he texted one last time.
Matthew: I’m sorry. Good night.
At some point during the night, I heard Lilly and Devin come home. They giggled down the hallway before there was the sound of a door shutting and the sounds of sex coming from her room. Her bed squeaking mixed with his moans and growls and her high-pitched orgasms were too much.
I stuck my earbuds in, put on some music, and fell asleep with tears on my pillow and memories smashing my happiness to nothing.
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, I FELT EVEN WORSE.
Poor Matthew was at his house worried he had done something when he hadn’t. If anything, he made things better. So much better. But I guess I really wasn’t ready, even if my body was telling me I was.
I rolled over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand and texted him right away.
Me: I’m sorry I freaked out on you last night. You did nothing wrong. Can we please forget it happened?
He didn’t respond right away. It wasn’t until I was getting out of the shower that my phone beeped.
Matthew: Forget what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.
I smiled down at my phone.
Me: Thank you.
There was something I had to finally admit.
I was falling for Matthew.
I knew it, and it terrified me, but after I freaked out on him, I was sure he would never come back around me again.
Getting dressed, I left the apartment before Devin and Lilly woke up and went to Twin Oaks to see Grammy.
“Hey, Grammy, how are you feeling today?” I asked, setting a bag containing a new outfit on her bed.
She was crocheting and watching her programs. Smiling, she looked up at me.