He slid his mirrored sunshades from his face, the glasses catching the reflection of our front door and sign, and hooked them in the pocket of his shirt. He ran his long fingers through his midnight hair, a defiant strand dropping loose from the rest and landing in a sexy curl against his forehead, before reaching for the handle of our door.
“Put down the ice cream, Lilly. A customer’s coming in, and he’s sexy with a capital S,” I said.
It was the way I spoke about men. My way of hiding the fact that anything with a penis scared the living shit out of me. Usually, it worked, and the girls would laugh along, but this time was different.
This time, I meant the words I said.
It was abnormal and made my skin feel sticky and hot as if I had been wearing an itchy sweater and sprayed with warm water.
It disgusted me, and I hated that my body was planning a rebellion.
I didn’t often look at the opposite sex.
No.
That was untrue.
I never looked at the opposite sex, but this guy was … well, he was sexy. Even considering his appearance or appreciating his presence made my stomach heave. My spine straightened with the sickness that settled within me like stones sinking to the bottom of a murky lake.
By the time he pulled the door open and the bell above the door chimed, I was beginning to feel dizzy and anxious.
His aqua blue eyes skimmed over me, and a peculiar warmth dashed through me, intensifying my lightheadedness and making my knees quake. Then his eyes moved away and landed on Lilly.
A slow, calculated smile transformed his handsome face as he strolled casually to the counter. A tiny dimple popped on his cheek, upping his attractiveness to dangerous levels.
“Hey there, sweet cheeks. Fancy meetin’ you here,” he flirted with Lilly.
Her cheeks lit from within, flushing her face with a pretty pink blush. She adjusted her shirt, pulling it down over her thighs self-consciously as she moved closer to the counter.
“Hey, Matt. It’s good to see you again. What can I do for you?”
She knew him.
What the hell was going on?
When did Lilly become friends with all these men?
Did I need to worry that she would start bringing them to our apartment?
I couldn’t live that way—sleeping in bed with the enemy under my roof while contemplating the terrible things they could do to me while I slept.
They weren’t trustworthy. They took what they wanted and I would never be taken again.
Not ever.
“Ah, how sweet,” he cooed, his voice dark and seductive. “You remembered my name. I didn’t think you’d remember anything with as much as you had to drink that night.”
He laughed, and the sound of it sent chills over my skin. Not for the usual reason, which had more to do with revulsion and anxiety, but because it sounded deep and rich … soothing my frazzled edges in a bizarre way.
Goose bumps attacked my body, rolling across my flesh like falling dominoes, making the hair on my arms stand on end. A curious ache I hadn’t felt in over three years formed between my thighs, making my nipples tingle and pebble.
I wanted to get away from this guy, whoever he was, and never see him again.
My mouth opened so I could speak to Lilly, so I could tell her I needed to get away, but the words wouldn’t come out. Swallowing hard, I cleared my throat.
“I see you have this taken care of,” I muttered. “I’ll just be in the back if you need me.”
I hurried to the rear of the store as fast as my trembling legs would take me.
Once I made it to the break room, I slammed my shoulders against the wall and tried to gain control of my breathing.
“Get it together, Shannon,” I whispered.
I listened from the back as the guy flirted with Lilly, trying to convince her to go on a date with him. Then they must have moved farther away because their words became distant and muffled.
My hands shook as I snatched a few boxes of stock for the display cases and walked back to the front of the store.
Curiosity bloomed until I could no longer contain it, but as long as I was in the back of the store, I was unable to hear their conversation. It was imperative I knew every single detail of why he was there. It was also vital for me to understand why I responded to him so abnormally. If I understood the cause, perhaps I could cure the unwanted feelings he was tugging from within me.
Then everything became clear, and I knew the path I needed to take.
Lilly was freaking out about Devin, but maybe seeing this guy would make things easier?
Maybe it would take her mind off all the things bothering her if she started dating a new guy?
It was a sick and twisted way of thinking. The whole “to get over one, get under another” saying, but if she was dating this guy, it could kill two birds with one stone. She would be occupied, which meant her mind would be engaged and unavailable for her friend Devin, and if she was dating the sexy, bronze god in the front of the store, it would surely cure my unwelcomed attraction to him.
Lilly was my best friend, and I was loyal to a fault. As long as she was seeing him, my mind wouldn’t flutter into this unknown territory it seemed to be launching itself toward. He would be taken, and I wouldn’t have to worry about my body responding to him. He would be hands off for me.
Not that I was thinking about putting my hands on him.
My body, on the other hand, hadn’t gotten the No Men memo. My stomach twisted with sickness while the secret spot between my thighs throbbed and ached for something I refused to give into.
My body and mind weren’t on the same channel. They weren’t on the same anything. My cognizance was screaming no to everything my body was feeling, and I breathed a bit easier knowing my brain would win the war.
The memories were always victorious.
My sickness could never be cured.
My irrationality had taken my brain hostage without demands and refused to release it. I knew as long as it was locked away behind my wall of crazy, it would always stay put. My brain could never allow my body to push me toward its urges.
My dark past and the memories came rushing forward like a mentally altered white knight, fighting anything that threatened my newly acquired sanity.
“I actually have something I have to do this Saturday night. I’m sorry, maybe some other time,” Lilly said with a forced smile.
She wasn’t lying.
She did have plans this coming weekend—plans that included me—but that didn’t stop me from opening my mouth and shutting down her rejection.
“Lil, why don’t you invite your new friend to your birthday party Saturday night?” I suggested.
Sure, it would put this guy in my proximity again, but as long as he was with Lilly, it was worth it.
I kept my attention on the task of stocking the display with the boxes I had in my arms. I was sure I looked calm and cool as if I were just working, but inside, my heart was drilling in my chest and making it next to impossible to breathe.
Needless to say, it was my fault Lilly had a date to her birthday party. A date I could tell she wasn’t thrilled about, but whatever it took to fix my issue.
I had a selfish moment.
It happened.