Jordan was right. The thought of hurting little Ava had me closing my eyes and trying to take a deep breath. I sucked much needed oxygen through my nose, filling my lungs, then blowing a stream out of my mouth in a steady pace several times before I began to feel a little calmer.
Jordan rubbed my stomach and murmured soft words in my ear. I opened my eyes, and looked up into his concerned face.
“It’s alright, baby. He isn’t going to hurt you.”
When I didn’t say anything, he cupped my cheek in his palm.
“Do you trust me?” He asked.
I thought I had, but that was before I knew what they were. Jordan had shown me more than once how harsh he could be. Was he worse when he turned into an animal? Did he turn ruthless, ferocious? Was Alex bloodthirsty right now?
I glanced over to see the big cat laying himself down beside my leg. He looked graceful and content, his tail swinging about. He was looking a little less scary, but my body stiffened, as his head lowered to rest on my sheet-covered thigh.
I swallowed back the anxiety attack that was threatening to overcome me again. I had just gotten my breathing under control. I didn’t want to pass out or harm the baby in any way.
I just had to keep telling myself that it was only Alex. Who had never been anything but sweet to me. I loved him and if I couldn’t accept what he was, then…I wasn’t sure what would happen. I would probably lose him and Jordan. When you loved someone, were you not supposed to love all of them, even their faults? Not that this was a fault exactly, but it was definitely… something.
I watched him as he gave a contented sigh and closed his golden eyes. He yawned, opening his big mouth wide, showing off incredibly large fangs. I started to get a little worried again, but then something amazing happened.
Baby Ava gave a particularly hard kick that had me wincing. The cat, no not the cat, Alex, I reminded myself, turned to look at my belly and began to move a little closer. I started to get uneasy, but Jordan held me tight, whispering encouragements.
Alex rubbed his face and head against me. He was gentle, never pushing too hard against my stomach. A vibration began at my side and ran throughout my body, just as I starting hearing a loud rumbling sound. My breath caught in my throat as I realized he was purring. He continued to stroke his head against me, and it finally dawned on me what he was doing. He was showing his love and support.
“Touch him,” Jordan whispered.
I licked my lips, hesitating, unsure if that was a good idea. Jordan picked up my uninjured hand and placed it on the back of Alex’s neck, before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. At first, I just kept it there, not moving, waiting to see what he would do. He didn’t do anything, just continued to rub up against me.
Cautiously, I petted him, stroking the soft fur. I admired the silky texture, touching him with a little more confidence. I ran my hand down his back, then brought it up to his head to run it down again. His muscles jumped with every stroke, and I smiled, wondering if I was tickling him.
My small laugh had his gaze swinging up to meet mine. I stared at the glowing orbs, searching. The pupils dilated, as I watched and then there it was. The pull.
What was between Jordan and I was a sort of dominating/submissive relationship. Well, submissive was the wrong word to describe me, but he was a dominant man who needed to control his surroundings. I loved that about him and let him think, on occasion, that he was in charge. His directness and take-charge attitude was what drew me to him. I’d been infatuated with him from the moment we met. Our connection instantaneous.
With Alex, it was completely different. He was charming and funny and even though he was more than good looking, I didn’t think there was much of an attraction between us. Until we locked gazes over a box he’d helped me carry. I could not tear my eyes away from his. He mesmerized me, and something in my soul recognized him.
I felt that connection as I looked into the cat’s stare. The shape and color might have been different, but the draw was still there. His essence was in those eyes, and all my anxiety just melted away.
“Alex?” I called out to him softly.
He lifted his head and licked my palm with his huge tongue. My breath caught with a laugh.
“Are you okay now?” Jordan asked.
I looked up at him. His facial features were set in stone. His eyes flat and his lips thinned. I couldn’t stand that stony expression he liked to hide behind. I leaned up and kissed him on his hard mouth. At first, he didn’t react, but as I continued to rub my lips against his, he began to participate. We kissed sweetly, my hand still petting Alex’s soft fur.
I pulled back and gave Jordan a reprimanding look. I never wanted to see that expression on his face again. He blushed, actually blushed, and I smiled at the adorable reddening of his cheeks.
“Yes, I’m okay now,” I said as I looked back down at Alex, nestled against my leg. “But I have a question.”
“Just one?”
I glanced back up at Jordan. “Well, maybe a few.” At his nod I continued. “I thought you said you were both jaguars?”