I held Sam in my arms as she slept, and I felt content for the first time in my life. Admittedly, I was also more than a little scared. I saw the way she looked at me. It was not the first time I’d seen love shining back at me through her eyes, but it was the first time I’d let myself acknowledge the truth.
Through my tender touches, I tried showing her what I was feeling, what I couldn’t bring myself to say aloud. I loved her. I knew that now. I guessed I always had, but it was just one more thing that I denied to myself over the past year.
These new feelings that I finally admitted to, if only to myself, were overwhelming. I was scared shitless that I would ruin it. I made no bones about how much of an asshole I could be. What if I said or did something that would push her away again?
Like Sam, doubts were creeping in. That moment when she stiffened in my arms, I knew she had uncertainties. Hell, who could blame her? I wasn’t exactly the perfect mate. However, no matter how frightened I was, I knew I couldn’t stand to lose her again. So, I’d kissed her shoulder, hoping she took the gesture for the reassurance I meant it to be. Thankfully, she did and relaxed, falling asleep in my arms.
I rubbed my hand over her swollen, but firm belly once more, still stunned at the unexpected surprise. I had checked in on her multiple times, without her noticing, yet somehow I had completely missed a very important change in her.
When I’d looked down and seen her pregnant body, I knew she had lied. She even admitted it, but I didn’t care. Even after the lust-filled fog we were engulfed in had faded, I couldn’t have cared less that she kept the truth from me. I didn’t doubt for a second that I had deserved that lie.
I was a jerk the day she told me about the pregnancy, throwing accusations, giving her attitude. I had no excuse for the way I acted, except that now, I knew fear was the driving force behind my actions.
The thought of being a father filled me with anxiety, but knowing my child was growing in her womb was the most exhilarating feeling I’d ever experienced. A part of my brain reminded me that the baby could be Alex’s child. I realized that was a possibility, but for some reason I just disregarded the thought. In my mind, it didn’t matter.
Life hadn’t been good to me, beginning with an abusive father and a despondent mother. I was practically born with a heavy chip on my shoulder, but as much as my childhood was based on misery, nothing had compared to the past year.
When, by my own hand, I lost Sam and the baby, I thought I hit rock bottom. Then the shit with Alex’s father and watching Layla, a childhood friend, die in my arms. It just pushed me deeper, until I thought I’d hit a bottomless pit.
Seeing Sam, knowing she hadn’t terminated the pregnancy, was like a lifeline, a second chance, and I was not about to turn my back on it.
So many things still needed to be worked out, though. Most importantly was telling her about what I truly was. I could only hope she wouldn’t freak out. It was necessary for her to accept me as the shifter that I was. Crucial really, because the baby she was carrying was quite possibly one as well.
I reluctantly pulled myself away from Sam’s warmth and stood to get dressed. As much as I would have loved to stay there with my arms wrapped around Sam for the rest of the day, I knew Alex would be home at any moment. I didn’t give a damn if he knew Sam and I were together. Hell, he would probably smell the sex in the air as soon as he entered the apartment.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew Alex wouldn’t be too keen on the thought of Sam and me together. I’d been watching the two of them since she came to stay with us. Alex cared for her, that was a no-brainer, and it was obvious she felt the same.
I didn’t mind sharing. We’d done it before. I loved Alex like a brother, more than that even, and I would never do anything to purposely hurt him, including taking away someone he cherished as much as I.
That was only one thing we had to discuss though. It was time to brief him on the Wilde Mountain mission. We had to leave for the assignment soon, and I knew he would want in. Which meant we needed someone to take care of Sam, and I had an idea that I would run by Alex when the time came.
I pulled the covers over Sam’s peaceful form just as I heard the apartment door open and shut. Giving the woman I loved one last longing glance, I left the room.
Alex stood frozen, grocery bags still in hand, as I walked into the living room. He took in my disheveled appearance. I hadn’t bothered to button my jeans nor put on my shirt.
Just as I knew he would, he took a deep breath through his nose. He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, I wasn’t terribly surprised at the anger I saw. However, I was taken back at just how much rage reflected back at me.