Sam jumped at the sound of my voice. I smiled politely, but inside I was laughing with delight. She must have been at a good part.
She cleared her throat and slid the book on the nightstand. “Sure,” she said and my smile dimmed.
She was using that flat, couldn’t care less tone again. I’d been hearing that tone for the past week, and I was at my limit. I wanted to give her time to get used to staying with me, leaving her alone for the most part, except when she needed something, but I was ready to move forward with my plan.
“Thanks, I didn’t want to eat alone,” I said, going in and sitting beside her on the bed, close enough our thighs touched.
I heard Sam suck in a breath, but though I was pleased with the reaction, I pretended to ignore it and sat my glass of water on her tray.
As I ate, I watched Sam out of the corner of my eye. She fidgeted with her fettuccine noodles and looked out towards the hallway again. I knew what she was wondering, but I would wait for her to get up the courage to ask. I really didn’t have much of an answer for her, but the fact that Jordan was on her mind was a relief. It meant we weren’t completely erased from her thoughts.
“So, Jordan’s not here then?”
I smiled at the question I’d been waiting for all week. Unfortunately, the answer had my smile faltering.
“Yeah, he is here. He’s working.”
He was working a lot, just as he had before we found Sam. He was also being way too secretive. I wondered if it had to do with the mission. I meant to talk with him about it, but hadn’t had the time.
Sam’s confused look had me saying, “You broke up with him, remember?”
She looked over at me, her mouth opened in surprise. I took a bite of fettuccine, chewed, swallowed and waited for her comeback.
“I broke up with you too, and you’re here.”
“True, but Jordan’s not me.”
I ate some more, seemingly unfazed by the conversation, but was secretly pleased we were getting some of this out in the open.
“And I don’t think you can break up if there wasn’t even a relationship to begin with,” she mumbled, and I grinned into my cup of water when her back straightened in indignation.
“We had a relationship,” I argued while taking a bite of garlic bread. It was good too.
“No, we had no strings sex.”
“You can keep telling yourself that if you want, but as messed up as it was, it was still a relationship. Even though we might have started out wanting no strings, that wasn’t what we got.”
I put down my fork and looked at Sam. Her eyes were bright with challenge, and if what I was trying to say wasn’t so important, I would have laughed. Not with humor, but with sheer happiness of talking with her again, of seeing her react with emotion.
“With you, Sam, it could never be just sex.”
I tried telling her with my eyes what my words meant, while she just looked a little dazed. My gaze lowered to her parted lips. I wanted so badly to kiss her, to hold her, show her how good we could be again, but I couldn’t, not yet. I turned away, picking up my water and taking a large gulp.
“Sorry, let’s just drop it for now.”
“For now?”
I smiled at her naiveté. Did she think I would never bring up our relationship again? She was seriously wrong. I was only getting started.
“So when’s the due date?”
“Oh, June first.”
Wow, she was due in less than three months. The timing made sense, but it was hard to tell by how small Sam was. Her belly wasn’t as large as I thought it would have been at almost eight months along.
I nodded, then asked what I’d been building my own courage to ask since the day I saw her at the hospital. “Why?”
She looked over at me, her forehead creased. It took her only a minute before she understood what I was asking, and she looked down, not meeting my eyes.
“I’m really sorry, Alex. It’s just that you and Jordan made it perfectly clear that a baby was out of the question. You both were quite adamant, and I knew you would be angry.”
“But why say you were going to have an abortion? Did you just change your mind?”
She looked up at me, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “No, I didn’t change my mind. I never even considered terminating this pregnancy.”
I still didn’t understand. “Then why tell us that?”
“There is no excuse, Alex. It was wrong. I know that now, but that day when the three of us were arguing… I just wanted to end our relationship… association…” She shook her head, “Or whatever it was.”
“Then Jordan accused me of trying to trap you guys. I knew it was said mostly in anger, but when I saw the same doubt on your face, I just… snapped. I wanted you gone, and I decided that was the best way to get you to leave.”