“He was always quick to tell us how much like your mother you were.”
“Really?” I couldn’t remember my dad ever telling me that I reminded him of my mom.
“She was a talented painter when she was younger.”
How had I not known that?
“I know he didn’t talk to you about her much—I think he was worried you’d idolize her, want to live up to a woman whose faults you’d never know. He knew that no one’s perfect.”
I barely remembered my mother, just the curve of her smile and the way her hair smelled like roses. She was like some kind of fantasy goddess I knew had existed at some point, but simply accepted wasn’t part of my life. My dad had been my world and I was happy enough with that.
“He always said that you were the gift she gave to him, and that he could never be angry or sad because the happiness you brought him outshone anything dark in his world.”
I took a shuddering breath, trying to keep the dam inside me from breaking.
“Have you noticed that about life?” Mrs. Wells asked as she patted my hand. “The good always manages to outshine the bad. There’s so much suffering in our world, but the sunrise, the birth of a baby, even the smallest human kindness always makes sure that the darkness is kept in check. But it will always be there. We can’t get rid of it entirely.”
I let her words sink in. My father must have been so devastated to lose his wife, but I’d never seen him with anything but a smile on his face. How had he done that?
“You think my dad would be proud of me?”
“How could he be anything but? You’re a beautiful girl with an incredible, kind, generous heart.” She squeezed my hand and I tried to hold back my tears. “But you can’t avoid the darkness. There’s always a dose in life. You deserve to be happy, but that doesn’t mean you can run from the storm. Sometimes it’s good to get a little rained on.”
I couldn’t ignore what she was trying to tell me. Was I expecting a relationship to be perfect? Had I run away to try to avoid the pain? There was no doubt Matt should have told me that Bobby had tried to sell him the photograph. Was it just a mistake or a reflection of how he saw me? The press intrusion, the way everything revolved around Matt and his career, even the interest in me and my life . . . was it worth putting up with all of it to be with Matt?
I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
* * *
I toweled off my hair as I sat in my robe, Ruby lounging next to me, flipping through the channels and slurping on the wine she’d brought. She’d arrived early and been on my porch when I’d gotten home. One of the first things she said to me was how my hair needed a wash.
“You smell better now,” Ruby mumbled.
“Hey! I’ve showered almost every day.”
“Yeah, well don’t put that on your resume. It’s like telling people you’ve given up eating children. People generally have a higher bar.”
“Not showering is the same as eating children?” Ruby could be ridiculous at times, but that was exactly why I loved her.
“In this metaphor, yes. You want ice cream?”
Sugar had been my staple diet these last few weeks. “Actually, I don’t.”
Ruby snapped her head up at me. “Wow. That’s progress.”
I nodded. “I really think it is. I’m feeling a little better. But then again, I haven’t been online today.”
“There’s been nothing new for a week,” Ruby said as she reached for my laptop. “And there won’t be now. You’re all clear.”
She seemed so certain, but my heart still sped as she logged on.
“Look, nothing.” She spun the computer toward me. “Told you.”
I exhaled. Thank God. “It doesn’t even seem to be on the original site. I can’t find it anywhere.”
Ruby rolled her eyes. “I’m not trying to be mean, but you know you’re not Elizabeth Taylor back from the dead, right? The press really isn’t that interested in you.”
I tipped my head back on the headboard. I hoped she was right.
“Have you heard from Matt?” she asked.
I shrugged. He’d called me every day, but I hadn’t answered.
“He obviously really cares about you,” Ruby said, staring up at me.
“I cared about him, too.”
“Past tense?” she asked.
My insides twisted in pain at the thought I’d never see him again.
Even if he hadn’t lied to me, if we were going to have any kind of future together we couldn’t be sneaking around the whole time. But going public led to misery. “I think so. I mean, how can this possibly work between us? He lied to me and went behind my back and even if he hadn’t, you know I can’t deal with the attention.”
“This is different from New York though, isn’t it?”
I frowned and set down my damp towel and began to brush through my tangles. “If you mean worse, then I guess so.”
Ruby scooted up the bed and sat up, crossing her legs. “I don’t think so. New York was so ugly because Bobby betrayed your trust. Matt hasn’t done that.”
“Are you kidding me? He kept important things from me. And now so many more people have seen that picture.”
“But no one that you care about, so who gives a shit? None of the people who matter are judging you.”
“So, you’re telling me that you’d be okay that thousands of people had seen you naked?”
She sucked in a breath. “It doesn’t matter how I’d feel. It matters how you feel about it.”
“I think I could have handled it, you know. I think I could have weathered that storm. But knowing that Bobby contacted Matt for money and Matt didn’t tell me? He lied, even if only by omission. He treated me like I was a thing, not a person.”
“I really think he was trying to do the right thing.”
“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I am on your side. But I like you and Matt together. You deserve someone like him.”
“Someone who has paparazzi following him around the whole time? Someone who lies?”
“Someone who cares about you. Treats you well. Understands how special you are. He made a mistake. He was trying to protect you and he got it wrong. He knows that. The easier thing to do is to shut him out and run back to Worthington and pretend you never met him. But I don’t think that will make you happy.”
I closed my eyes to try to stop the tears. He had treated me as if I was special. Right up until he’d covered up Bobby’s blackmail attempt. “Ruuuby. Don’t.” My best friend might act tough, but she was a total romantic at heart. “I need you to tell me what a shit he is and how I’m going to be so much better off without him.”
“Well, if that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve got yourself the wrong friend. I’m not going to tell you something I don’t believe. I think he made a bad choice and you ran before you had a chance to work things through. His intentions were good.”
I didn’t think Matt had deliberately hurt me. I’d believed him when he said he was trying to save me the worry and pain. But he’d got it wrong. Made it worse.