I promised myself that I would be patient, let Maddy really see the baggage I carry. If it was meant to be, then at the end of everything, Maddy would be there, and she’d understand. Lying here, the room quiet, miles between us and our goals—her dream and destiny—anything feels possible. It also all feels impossible.
I stroke her hair, tucking behind her ear the same curl—the only one in a pile of twisted yet straight strands that zigzag over her pillow and on my arm. For the last hour, I’ve thought about waking her, about getting those last bits off my chest and explaining this distorted life I live. My mouth opens, though, and words are caught. I’m unable to make a sound. It’s because I’m selfish, and I just want to lay here like this—pretending she was always mine—until I have to give her up.
My phone dings for the third time in just as many minutes, so I carefully slide my arm from under her neck and turn to the small night table on my side of the bed. I rub my eyes to focus them better as Tanya’s messages come into view.
Dylan’s going in for some blood work. If you’re up, let me know.
I breathe in through my nose slowly and turn to the side to see the creamy skin of the girl who owns me wrapped up in a pile of white sheets. I draw my finger along her jaw and she wiggles a little, scrunching her nose, and eventually one eye creeps open.
“Good morning,” she says, her voice raspy and her smile crooked.
Skinny Elvis.
“Dylan has a few tests, and I think Tanya could use my help,” I say, trying to keep my voice barely above a whisper. It’s early yet, and I don’t want to completely wake her.
“Oh, well…give me a minute?” She begins to push the blankets down and move to the opposite edge of the bed, but I stop her with my hand on her arm.
“You stay here, get some more sleep. It’s probably going to be mostly sitting around,” I say, holding her eyes captive. My gut hurts looking at her because there are more things we need to discuss—more things she needs to know—things I should have finished telling her yesterday before I claimed her and took her for mine. But that’s not how things happened. My control with her is nonexistent, and when I feel her give, I take. I take before I think, because I’ve waited to have her for too long.
Maddy licks her lips slowly, but she lays back down in the sheets, her shoulder scrunching toward her head on one side in guilt.
“Are you sure? I could get ready quickly,” she says, yawning through the last word.
I chuckle.
“Positive,” I lean down and press my lips on her shoulder. The blanket slides down her body as I move toward her, exposing her breast, and the sight triggers the animal inside of me that wants to avoid its responsibilities and instead stay here and take that breast in its mouth, sucking her perfect pink nipple raw until her body writhes and begs for me to sink into her again.
She follows my gaze and her lips curve up slightly as her hands move to my head, gently coaxing me to become the beast, guiding my mouth to her crest.
“Ah,” I gasp, curling my chin into my chest in avoidance.
“What’s wrong, Will?” she teases. “Don’t you like me?”
I groan then breathe out a laugh.
“Maddy,” I say, glancing up enough to see her hard peak tempting me. I graze it with my nose and she arches her back, so I lick the tip once, then suck it hard before forcing myself to sit up completely. “If I keep going, I won’t stop.”
Her bottom lip puffs out and her eyes hit mine as she blinks at me once. I close my eyes, shaking my head while I laugh lightly, then lean forward and pull the blanket up her body, tucking in the sides as she snuggles farther into the pillow.
“You, are bad,” I tease, kissing her head and standing.
“You’re the one walking around naked,” she chirps.
I look over my shoulder as I move across the room, and I wink before kicking my boxers into the bathroom along with my pants.
“Just wanted to make you watch me walk away, baby,” I tease.
She moans out a tired laugh, but I know she’s not far from falling asleep again. It’s not quite six in the morning, and the sun is barely up enough to spill light into our room. I get dressed quickly in the bathroom, then splash cold water on my face, forcing myself awake and washing away those last few temptations lingering in my memory.
I grip the sink on either side and lean close to the mirror, looking myself in the eyes, finally chuckling and shaking my head.
“Okay then,” I whisper to myself. I’m going to walk out this door toward responsibility, but I’m also going to hope like hell that Maddy is right where I left her when I return. I won’t touch her again until I’m sure she truly understands what she’s getting with me. That feeling of faith, though—it’s back. I believe in Maddy—I believe in me and Maddy. She’ll understand, and she’ll be here.
She’ll be mine.
I get to the hospital by six thirty, and Tanya is kicking a vending machine as I walk from the elevator on the fifth floor.
“Give it hell, girl,” I laugh. She twists her head, looking at me over her shoulder then kicks once more, following it up with a single, loud laugh.