“I’ll let him know,” I say, my words focused on repairs and watches and nothing else. “Thanks for stopping by.”
I turn, cradling the box against my chest, reaching for the door, and pushing it open to disappear inside and avoid everything else for a little while longer. But the quiet and reserved Hollister stops me with one last piece of information.
“He headed out to that lake you two love so much. About an hour ago…in case you were wondering,” he says.
I’m starting to think that rather than reserved, Duncan is better described as calculated. I turn my head to one side, enough that I see him in my periphery, his hands in his pockets, his mouth a tight line, satisfied at the bait he’s left on his nephew’s behalf. I nod once, then push the door fully open, closing it quietly behind me.
There is never a single second when I doubt that I’m going. The moment Duncan told me where Will was, I knew it was his way of forcing us to talk. I’m sure his interest was in his nephew’s corner, probably wanting to ease Will’s guilt, to force him to have to confront the one person he’s lied to, to find closure, and finally clear his conscience. But I think there’s also a part of him that knows I still have questions. Duncan has always been so kind to me, and I think maybe he’s in my corner a little on this, too.
I put the watch on the counter with a note for my dad, then finish picking up the tables, leaving the rest for my parents to handle when they wake up. I grab my keys, wallet, and phone, and I toss them all in the passenger seat of my car, pulling away from my parents’ house a little faster than I should, my speed picking up with each mile I come closer to the truth. For something that hurts so much to face, I’m racing to it at an alarming speed.
Will
I’m not sure how she made it home. I’m not really sure if she made it home. I drove by her parents’ house, though, on my way to the lake, and everything was calm and quiet. If Maddy were missing, I’m sure there would be visible commotion, which leads me to believe she probably walked.
I don’t like that she walked…alone. But I know after the wound I made, I was less welcome than a predator in the dark.
This lake has always provided me with answers. Maybe it just always gives me a place to think—forces me to think. I can’t be near this water without seeing Maddy, hearing her laugh. She’s all around me, and the more places I let her in, the less places I have to hide.
Telling her the truth was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. Seeing her face when she realized exactly what I meant, broke me. I instantly wanted to take those words back. I’d rather her hate me, think that I was the one who was hiding Dylan, hiding a relationship—I’d rather be the cheater than have her think that someone could have done that to her.
That Evan could have done that to her.
My back aches from this position I’ve been sitting in for the last hour, so I kick off my shoes and walk to the water’s edge, searching for stones. When I gather a few, I throw them as hard as I can, counting the times they skip along the surface. I was the one who taught Maddy how to skip stones. Not Evan.
I pick up another handful, but I pause, closing my eyes, my breath rushing out all at once until I feel it boil to the top, and I let out a growl of a roar, cocking my arm back and thrusting the rocks into the middle of the lake, the stones pelting the ripples left by the breeze.
“I hate you!” I yell.
I yell it out here, where there is no witness but me. I yell at my brother, for leaving me with this. For making this mess to begin with, and for leaving me!
My hands find my face, and I rub my palms along my eyes, my energy to do anything waning. I have no idea how I’m going to get on a plane in four days, let alone drag myself through three days of practice. I might not have to if Curtis decides I’m too big of a risk to take…or if Maddy tells her dad what degenerates the Hollister brothers really were.
My feet start to kick at the water’s currents, and I lose myself in the swirls I leave along the shore, my feet creating chaos in something otherwise calm and perfect. That’s what I am—I’m chaos.
A rock skips by, tumbling along a few of the jagged boulders that stick up through the shallow water, and I jerk my head fast, turning to see Maddy in the clearing of the woods. She pulls another stone from her left palm and thrusts it across the water with her right. It bounces three times, and my lip ticks up on one side with pride.
“You’re getting better,” I say over my shoulder, not able to look at her fully.
“You’re getting worse,” she says.
My shoulders shake with my short laugh.
Oh, Maddy, you have no idea how much worse I am.
“How long have you been here?” I ask.
I know.
“Long enough to hear you hate someone,” she says. I close my eyes and let my chin fall into my chest while I push my hands into my pockets at my sides. I regret yelling that, because as much as I hate what he did, I don’t hate Evan. I fucking miss him.