His Alone (For Her #2)

CAPTAIN STARES DOWN at me, his face nothing but hard lines. An unreadable mask. There’s no emotion to it, and he’s giving nothing away. He’s still in the same suit he wore to work today. His green eyes look darker than ever. I grab the strap of my backpack tighter and stare back, unsure what to say to him. I don’t want to try to explain this. I knew we weren’t forever and that’s why I was savoring all the moments I could with him, collecting each of them to replay over and over again in my head when he was long gone from my life. For when he wanted nothing to do with me. He’ll regret ever telling me he loved me, because the person he thought he loved isn’t really me.

It’s tearing at my heart, because I never thought about the fact that I’d have to relive the breakup along with all the good moments. This is when he finds out who I really am deep down inside, and he walks away from me. Seeing him staring down at me, I feel the weight of it hit me in my chest. The reality of losing another person I love.

Love.

The word bounces around in my head. Holy fuck. I love him and I lost him.

“I—” The single word leaves my lips before he cuts me off.

“Not a word,” he says, his tone completely flat. He’s unreadable, and I don’t know how to react. His big hand engulfs my wrist, and he pulls me along behind him as he turns to leave. I don’t fight, though maybe I should. The urge to flee is strong, because facing the reality of what I’ve done is closing in on me. I’m good at running when I get scared. When I can’t handle what’s happening. The silence in the elevator is deafening. I don’t know if I hate it or welcome it.

He hasn’t told me it’s over. Yet. So in this moment of limbo, he’s still mine, but I know what’s coming. I want to lean into him. Take his mouth in one last kiss. I remember this morning with the two of us in this very elevator, and it was completely different than it is now. My eyes fall closed as I replay it in my mind, feeling the tears start to build up behind my eyelids. I fight with myself to not let one slip free.

When the ding sounds, I open my eyes and Captain is pulling me from the elevator and out of the building. He holds my arm as we walk down the street to our building, and I wonder where he’s taking me. To my apartment, to his, or maybe even to Miles’s, to tell him what I’d done? He’s probably going to tell him to fire me, shattering yet another relationship that was starting to build.

Maybe I should run. I could take the backpack and go. It has the information I need, and it’s what started me on this path almost five years ago. I let myself become distracted and forgot about the one person I owed. I let Captain and the thought of us sidetrack me and help me forget the horrible things I witnessed. He filled my mind with so much sweetness, it took up all the space. The memories of every touch we shared pushed forward and eclipsed the dark.

“Don’t even think about it. You won’t make it two feet,” Captain growls, cutting through my thoughts.

Somehow he knows exactly what I was thinking. His anger shows in his words, and it’s the first spark of any emotion I’ve gotten from him since he caught me. When we finally make it to our building, relief hits me when I see him push the button to my floor. The elevator ride is far quicker than I’d like it to be, and he soon pushs me into my apartment.

I look around, but don’t see Mal. I wonder what happened. He came faster than I thought he would. Part of me had hoped I wouldn’t get caught at all and that I’d still have a few more days with him. That maybe I could get my revenge and be able to keep him from finding out what I’d done. The thought of keeping him and having something of my own makes my chest ache.

He finally lets go of me when the door shuts behind us. I hear the lock click into place, the sound echoing in the silent room.

“Don’t ask me for it.” I tighten my hand on the strap of my backpack, unsure of what I’ll do if he demands I give it to him. I’m weak. I don’t know how I’ll react if he asks to me let this go. If he finds out what I was doing and he makes me choose… Because deep down I think I’ll choose him, and what does that say about me? That I wouldn’t do right by my mother? That I could move on with my life while she’s dead and gone?

I don’t want to have to choose. It’s easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. He reaches out, and I think he’s going to make a grab for it, but he cups my face, and I lean into his palm, closing my eyes, letting his warmth seep into me. Every time he touches me I melt so easily. How he does it, I have no idea, but he does. With one touch I want to curl into him and soak up a lifetime’s worth of affection.

“I don’t want the backpack, kitten.”

A sob threatens to break free at the nickname. If he’s still calling me that, it has to mean something. A flare of hope takes hold in my stomach, making me open my eyes to look up at him.

“You don’t run from me.” He leans down, getting more into my space. “You don’t even fucking think about running from me.”

Gone is the patience he’d been giving me. White-hot anger burns through him now, but it’s not about what I’d assumed.

“I stole your badge,” I blurt out, not understanding what’s happening here. We seem to be focusing on two different things.

“Did you hear me, Paige?” He ignores me, the fierce heat still in his eyes.

“Did you hear me?” I snap, not sure if I’m mad that he didn’t respond or mad that he called me Paige and not kitten, the nickname I’m supposed to hate.

“I don’t care about the badge.” His eyes flick to my shoulder. “Or the backpack.” He moves farther into my space, and I take a step back, uncertain of what’s going on. I can feel the anger pulsing off him like a living thing, filling up all the space around us.

His whole body goes solid at my retreat, and he takes a few calming breaths. I’ve never seen him like this. Like he’s about to lose it. It’s probably because the woman he thinks he loves deceived him.

Taking me by surprise, he picks me up in his arms and pulls me close to him. He buries his face in my neck and I feel his warm lips on my skin. This big beautiful man is engulfing me in his strength and need, and it’s almost more than I can bear.