“I was scared,” I said, thinking about that first time I ran away and the look on my mother’s face when she had to come get me and take me back. “To me, the men who had taken me were like gods. All powerful. I was sure if I told anyone who I was, they’d find me and take me back.”
“Even the police?” she asked.
“Especially the police. I’d been abused for years, and the police had never done anything about it,” I said. I tasted bile at the back of my throat and tried to swallow it down. “They never found us kids and saved us the way I thought they would for so long. Never investigated any of the houses where we were kept or any of the men who did this to us. I thought the only way that could be was if the police were a part of it.”
Morales sighed, and her eyes were a little softer when she looked at me. “I’m sorry we never found you, Danny.”
“Me too,” I said.
“So what changed when you got to Short Term 8?” she asked. “Why did you decide to come forward then?”
“I started to remember who I was.” I looked at Patrick. “I started to remember my family.”
Patrick met my eyes for a half a second before looking down at his watch abruptly. “I think that’s enough for today.”
Morales frowned. “Actually, I still have some—”
Patrick stood. “He’s told you everything you need to know about his kidnapping and imprisonment. Nothing else is relevant to finding the people who did this to him. Are we free to go?”
Morales stood as well, buttoning her jacket. “Mr. McConnell, if you could just—”
“Agent, we’ve been very cooperative,” he said, “and we’ve also been here for hours. My brother’s still in a delicate state, and I can see that he’s exhausted. I don’t want to overtax him.”
“I think Danny’s been clear that he wants to do everything he can to help.” Morales turned her sharp eyes on me. “Right, Danny?”
“Thank you, agents,” Patrick said, without waiting for my answer. “Come on, Danny. Let’s go.”
I got up and followed Patrick from the room. I was holding up and would have been happy to stay if it meant getting this part of the process over with, but I suspected Patrick needed a break more than I did. His face looked drawn and clammy, and the least I could do was let him use me as an out.
Lex tossed aside a magazine and jumped to her feet when we entered the lobby. “Finally! How did it go? Are you okay, Danny?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Tired.”
“It was fine,” Patrick said. “Let’s get out of here.”
I glanced back at the building as we reached the car. Morales was standing just outside the door watching us, and the sight of her gave me a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach I couldn’t explain.
? ? ?
Lex climbed into the backseat with me and wrapped her arms around me while Patrick drove home. I gave in and leaned against her. It was starting to hit me now. I had expected the nerves and fatigue from so many hours of thinking through every word I said, but the grief that had bubbled up from inside of me had caught me off guard, and Lex was surprisingly solid for such a wispy, dandelion person. Maybe she treated me like a little kid, but at this moment it felt nice to be held, surrounded by her softness and the smell of the lavender hand lotion she kept in her purse. Made me understand why normal people sought this out.
“Was it awful?” she asked. “I can’t imagine how awful it must have been.”
“It . . . it was okay,” I said.
“He did great,” Patrick said, glancing at us in the rearview mirror.
“Well, we’re not going to make you do that again. Right, Patrick?” she said. “They got everything they need, right?”
“We’ll see,” he said. “I doubt it.”
“It’s just going to have to be enough.” Lex leaned her cheek against the top of my head. “They’re not making you relive all of that again. It’s all over now.”
And I realized, slowly, that she was right. The cold, lonely boy I’d once been was gone. I had a home now, people who loved me. People I was starting to love back, as impossible as that seemed. Maybe I didn’t deserve it, but Danny Tate did, and I was him now.
I wondered if this was what happiness felt like.
? ? ?
A few hours later I was lying in the sun out by the pool, watching Patrick try to teach Mia how to do the front crawl. Lex was sitting in the lounge chair next to mine working on her second glass of wine. My phone buzzed in my pocket. It had taken a while to get used to, but I actually kept it turned on and with me now.
“Who’s that?” Lex asked as I pulled the phone out to check it.
It was a text from Ren. You okay? Didn’t see you around today.
“Just that girl from school,” I said.
I’m fine, I texted back. Had things to do. Be back tomorrow.
Good, because the leeches were very disappointed at your absence and lunch is booooring without you.
I smiled.
“I think Danny’s got a girlfriend,” Lex crooned.
“Shut up,” I said.
“Ooh, he does!”
“Is she cute?” Patrick asked.
“I’m not talking to either of you,” I said.
“Danny and his girlfriend, sitting in a tree . . . ,” Mia sang.
“Not you too!” I said while Patrick and Lex laughed.
Doing anything right now? Ren asked.
Not really, I said.
Want to come over?
I thought of a dozen things simultaneously. Ren’s eyes on mine and her laugh and the feel of her skin against my hands and the pleasant queasiness I felt when I was talking to her.
“Hey, Patrick, can you drive me somewhere?” I asked.
“What, now?” he said. “She must be really cute.”
“Wouldn’t you rather stay home tonight?” Lex asked. “Take it easy?”
“Actually, I think I’d rather do something normal for a little while,” I said.
Lex’s lips were pinched together. “I don’t think—”
“It’s fine,” Patrick interrupted. “Whatever you want, Danny. Just let me go change.”
A few minutes later Patrick and I were getting into his car.
“We should get you enrolled in a driver’s ed course this summer so you can get your license,” he said. “Technically, Nicholas isn’t allowed to drive with another minor, so the sooner we can get you your own car, the better.”
I smiled, imagining myself in my own car, the smell of new leather and music blasting from the speakers. A convertible like Patrick’s so I could have the sun on my shoulders, but black or maybe red.
It wasn’t until we were nearly to Ren’s house in Calabasas that I realized I hadn’t considered how useful a car would be to me if I needed to run. How far I could get in it, how much I could sell it for. It gave me a strange twinge in my stomach, because not that long ago it would have been the first thing I thought of.
But things were different now, and I knew it.
I wasn’t going to leave. Not ever.