I stare at the air mattress and wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. Tears leak down my face, and I can’t help but think about the first time I stood in this room and how those tears were tears of joy.
Boxes of shoes line the walls, some waiting for me to design and others having already been done. I’ve been coming during the day and working on them between job interviews, not knowing if this place would ever come to be. Likely not because I can’t take it now. I didn’t want to from the start with how guilty I felt spending his money on something like this for me. I’d have to give it back. It’s not right to keep it. Even less so now that we aren’t going to be together.
The last months of my life have been a lie. Small little white lies here and there, trying to make sure I didn’t hurt anyone, not wanting to lose the only real family I’d ever had. But all that has crumbled around me, leaving me even more broken than before. They found me and welcomed me into their home, but it’s all led to this.
Thomas was slowly putting back together the pieces of me. Pieces I didn’t know had broken off. He healed me and made me feel whole again. Made me feel loved and cherished. Like I belonged to someone. Now every part of me feels like it’s crushed. I’ve got almost nothing left.
I walk over to the air mattress and sit down, letting myself fall back. Lifting up my shirt, I rub my hand along my belly, thinking about the little boy growing inside me.
“I still have you,” I tell him.
The last few months have been harder than anything I’ve ever gone through. Harder than what I’d endured living at home with my parents. The drunk fights and contempt showed me just how little they cared about me. Being picked on in school for not always fitting in and being too shy to talk to anyone wore me down. This is so much harder than all that. Tasting something sweet then having it taken away is almost more than I can stand. I can’t go through that again.
The stress of Thomas going missing wore me out. Not only mentally but physically. The doctor told me I needed to calm down and to get myself under control, but I can’t seem to. How can I not worry? The father of my child is missing—a child he didn’t even know about.
I know I’ll have to tell him. A man like Thomas would want to be a part of his child’s life. It will be bittersweet for me. I’ve seen how he is with Maggie. He loves her so much and would do anything for his daughter. I know he’ll do the same for our son. It will just be hard having to see him all the time and knowing he isn’t mine anymore. That he could one day belong to someone else…
The memory of nights when everyone went to sleep and he’d pull me from my bed to get into his flashes through my mind. I think I’ll miss that most of all—our stolen moments that meant so much to me. Even the fights. I smile at the thought of them.
“What are you doing?” I whisper as Thomas pulls me from my bed.
“Putting you where you belong,” he half growls as he throws me over his shoulder, taking me from my bedroom. I look around the hallway, happy Maggie isn’t here to see this. I think that’s what Thomas wants to happen, though, so that everything is out in the open.
This would not be the best way for her to find out about her father and me—while I’m barely dressed and thrown over his shoulder in the middle of the night. Then she’d see I’ve been a terrible friend to the one person who’s really meant something to me. That after all she’s done for me, even inviting me into her home, I’ve fallen in love with her father.
Which I blame mostly on him. He’s been like a freight train from the first moment he laid eyes on me. He never looked at me like I was his daughter’s friend. He looked at me like I was his.
I hear the door to his room close right before my back hits the bed.
“Thomas.” I put my hands on his chest, holding him at bay, as he tries to come down on top of me. It takes everything in me to do it because I don’t want to be doing it at all. I want to grab him and pull him close, to wrap my body around him tightly and never let go.
“My sweet girl. Please, I’ve missed you all day. Just a taste.” I melt at his words. He always gets me with them. The way he talks to me, it’s like nothing I’ve ever known in the world. It makes me feel special, even more so because I don’t think a man like him ever begs.
My arms give way, and he leans down over me, caging my body, a predatory smile pulling at his lips. “There’s my sweet girl, always wanting to please. I don’t know why you don’t let me just please you. Show you what it’s like to be on the other side of a sweetness like yours.”
His mouth takes mine in a soft kiss. I didn’t think men could have soft lips, but he does. They fit against mine perfectly every time he kisses me. I wrap my legs around him, and I know it’s taking everything in him to be soft and slow. I see it all the time from the gleam in his eyes. He wants to take me, but he’s afraid it will scare me away.
“I don’t want anyone to get hurt,” I say as he pulls his mouth from mine. He goes after my neck, and I give him what he wants.
“You’re hurting me, sweet girl,” he mumbles against my throat, making me eyes water.
My fingers dig into his chest, and he pulls back, looking down at me. God, he’s so handsome. His dark brown hair is starting to show gray on the sides. His light blue eyes show so much passion and yet are filled with concern.
“Baby,” he whispers, leaning down and kissing me again. “Don’t be upset. I just want you happy. I’m trying. It’s fucking hard. I want you—all of you. I want everyone to know you’re mine.”
“I am yours,” I tell him, and it’s the truth. This man will always own me. He has since the first moment he pulled me into his arms to comfort me. He told me he was my home now. I’m scared. I don’t want to rock this boat, but I also know we can’t hide forever.
“Say it again.” His voice deepens, and I do as he commands.
“I’m yours,” I tell him again. I drop my legs from around his waist and spread them wider. “All of me.”
His whole body goes still, and I can’t feel him breathe. He leans down next to my ear, taking the lobe into his mouth. Before now all we did was kissing and heavy petting. He usually crawls into my bed at night or pulls me into his like he did tonight. He would never take it any further, even though I would silently try to push him to. He said he wouldn’t, not until I was really his, and I just told him I was—words he’s been trying to get from me for a while.
“I’m about to mark every part of you. Mark you so good there won’t be a way for people to miss that you belong to someone.”