“What? Who? No, it’s just a dumb card. I don’t want to have sex.” She shakes her head and then tries again. “No, I want to have sex. I just…haven’t. Jesus, I haven’t even had a stupid kiss. It’s a joke!”
“You kissed someone the day I met you. You don’t have to lie to me, Maggie.”
“I’m not lying. I didn’t kiss Nick. He tried to kiss me. I’ve never had a real one.” She’s getting louder, and I can see her breathing pick up. She’s pissed. “It’s not like there’s a line of decent guys showing up to do it either. The one guy I was going to let do it was a jerk and you kicked his ass.”
“Like I should have,” I agree, getting mad, too. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden we’re both pissed off and shouting.
“And it’s not like the one guy I want to kiss me is actually going to do it, so I’ll get this stupid card as a joke and go back to not getting anything!”
“Who do you want to kiss you, Maggie?” I shout back, throwing the card on the floor of the Jeep.
“You, you big dumb idiot! It’s always been you!”
Without a second of hesitation, I wrap one hand around the back of her neck and pull her to me. My mouth connects with hers, and a wildfire of heat and passion ignites between us. My other hand cups her cheek, and it’s far more delicate than the kiss. My mouth is hungry for hers, and a gasp allows me to sweep my tongue inside. Her hands go to my shirt, and instead of pushing me away, she grips it in her fists and holds me as tightly to her as possible. It’s like she thinks if she lets go I’ll disappear. Her lips are so fucking soft, and she tastes like sweet, sugary icing. I breathe in her scent and run my hands along her neck and collarbone, feeling her soft, exposed skin. This is the kiss that makes everyone before it disappear. There is not a set of lips on this earth that could be more perfect, and I don’t know that I can stop.
This has been building for weeks, the knowledge that this is wrong but the inability to stop the urge. I’ve wanted her since before I should have, and though she’s seventeen, this is still wrong. No matter how fucking perfect it feels.
With all the power I have inside me, I break our connection and press my forehead to hers. “We have to stop.” I say, trying to breathe in much-needed air. But all I’m doing is taking in more of her scent and branding her in my lungs.
“Eli—” she says, but I cut her off.
“Let’s go home, Maggie.” I pull away from her touch and watch her bring her hand to her lips. Like she’s trying to feel what I just did to her.
I should apologize, but I don’t. I’m not sorry. Not one fucking bit. But this can’t happen again. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. More than I wanted a family when I was in foster care. More than I wanted to survive after the bomb went off. More than every dream I’ve ever had for myself combined. And that is dangerous.
I lean back in the seat and close my eyes, willing her to drive us from here. Because if she doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t know that I’ll be able to stop.
I feel both relief and agony when she starts the Jeep and we drive away.
Chapter 9
Maggie
I play with the charms on my bracelet, unable to stop touching them. They make me smile. My fingers always go back to the heart charm. He said it was his heart. I started crying because he’d had my heart all this time and then he gave me his.
I’m not letting how last night ended ruin this. I know Eli is scared. He’s worried about what my father might think. He’s been a father to him, too, and I know our family means a lot to Eli. He’s worried about hurting the Major, and I love him for that, because my dad means the world to me as well. He may also be worried about what others might think, but it can be our secret for a while if we want. Eli and I could steal away moments until the right time comes for us to come out together. I know the two of us are meant to be. I can feel it to my bones.
I was disappointed this morning when I woke up and he wasn’t there. I was so used to him taking me to school, but now that I have my own car, it felt silly. I’m guessing because now that I have my Jeep, that’s why he wasn’t there this morning. He knew I’d be driving myself.
My heart gives a little flutter as I think about the kiss last night. It was so much more than I expected, and I know he felt it too. He had to. It was like I found out I’d only been living as half a person. Then we kissed and that was it. He’s my other half. This has to be what soulmates are all about. This has to be what love is. There was so much in that kiss. So much came pouring out of both of us. My cheeks warm at the memory. It was exactly what a first kiss is supposed to be like, and I’m so happy it was with Eli and that I waited for the one.
Now I just have to get Eli on the same page. I know others might not like our relationship, but I don’t care. We can keep it on the down low for a while, and no one has to know.
“Hey, Maggie.” Sam slides into the desk next to mine, drawing my attention away from my charm bracelet. I was once again lost in thoughts of Eli.
“Hey.” I smile back at him.
“I had a great time at your party yesterday. I’d be down for hanging out again sometime.” He glances down at his desk, and I see his cheeks turn a little pink.
Crap. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Sam is always so nice, and I genuinely like talking to him. I don’t want it to get awkward. I don’t have a ton of friends at school after the whole Nick thing. We’re only a little chunk into our junior year, so I don’t want to spend the next months in complete social exile.
“Sam, I—”
“Alice is really pretty, and well…” He runs a hand through his short curly hair and finally meets my eyes. I smile brightly at him, and my worry about him liking me as anything more than a friend slips away.
“She is, isn’t she?” I push, wanting to hear more about his crush. I’m doing a happy-clap inside, but don’t want to seem too excited.
“You think she’ll think I’m too young? She is a senior and all…”
“No,” I say with a little too much force. They would look cute together, but I worry about them both being too shy. “You’re only, like, a year apart, right?”
“A little less than that,” he confirms. His dark brown eyes light up.
Alice is going to kill me, but I don’t care. I’m already matchmaking in my head and coming up with ideas on how to get them together.
“Maybe we can all hang out this weekend or something,” I suggest, already putting things in motion.
“Awesome,” he says as the bell rings and everyone takes their seats. The room goes quiet as the teacher starts her lesson.