“Something’s bothering you.”
“I’m fine, Lexi.” His tone was laced with irritation, and she forced herself to go on. To say something she’d been meaning to talk to him about, but she hadn’t wanted to spoil the mood. That no longer seemed relevant—the mood was spoiled all on its own.
“I think you should contact your sister. She’s eighteen now.”
He sat up straight in his chair and narrowed his eyes. “How the hell do you know that?”
“I looked it up. It’s easy enough.”
“It’s nothing to do with you, Lexi. Leave it alone. She’s not my sister any longer.”
“But she could be.”
“She has another life now. Another family.”
“She’s still your sister, and you loved her.” He winced at the word, his eyes going cold and hard, but she made herself continue. “I think you should contact her, Josh. Maybe she’d like to see you. I think it would…help you.”
“You think I need help?” He glared at her. “You think I’m broken, and you can fix me. What am I? Another of your fucking charity cases?”
She winced and swallowed. “I didn’t mean that. I just thought…” What had she thought?
He leaned back in his seat and regarded her from eyes that were far from friendly. “Or maybe it was more that if you manage to fix me, then I can be your fantasy husband for real. Is that the case? You’ll make me all better, and I’ll realize that true love does exist, and we can all live happily fucking ever after?”
She sat there and stared straight ahead, because it came to her in a flash that that was exactly what she had thought. It had been bubbling away in her subconscious since he’d told her about his sister. She’d been having this little dream where she’d get them back together, and everything would be lovely and rosy, and Josh would realize that he loved her and…
“Little Miss Fix-It,” he sneered. “You manage to sort out everyone’s life but your own. I bet that stings.” She didn’t say anything because she couldn’t think of a thing to say. What had happened to her never wanting love or marriage? When had that changed?
He shook his head. “Accept defeat, sweetheart. You can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed.”
This was more than his sister. Some intuition told her he was using that as an excuse to force some distance between them. “Why are you pushing me away? I haven’t asked you for anything more.”
He exhaled and ran a hand through his hair, obviously considering what to say next. “You told me you loved me.”
Shock hit her in the gut. “What? When? No, I didn’t.”
“This morning after we had sex. You were half asleep.”
She swallowed, trying to remember back. It had all been so sweet and perfect. Could she have said the words out loud? “Well, there you go then. I was dreaming.”
He gave her a long look. “Yeah, but the problem is, you only dream of me.”
She wanted to deny it, but the words stuck in her throat.
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Lexi.”
Too late.
“And I won’t let you down. We can continue this charade until you don’t need me anymore, but maybe we should take a step back. The physical stuff is clouding the issue.”
She looked into his face and saw…pity. He could see what she felt—obviously she was a crap actress—and he pitied her for it.
“You just think you love me,” he said. “It’s not real. You’ll get over it.”
Josh had convinced himself he was incapable of love. Or maybe that he didn’t want it, wouldn’t risk it. And she wasn’t strong enough to get through that barrier.
Everything inside her ached.
She had to get out of there, before she broke down and begged him to give her a chance, not to cut her off. How could she go through the next six months being close, but not allowed to touch him?
Somehow she had to find the strength. She shook her head and got to her feet. “I take it lunch is off.” She half hoped he’d say something to stop her, but he was silent as she left the room.
Chapter Thirteen
Lexi spent an hour wandering the streets, trying to get her head straight.
She needed…she wasn’t sure what she needed. What could help her right now? Finally, she went home because the place always had the effect of soothing her. She sort of hoped the place would be empty, but as she pushed open the front door, she could hear voices from the kitchen. It sounded like the whole gang was here. She tried to tiptoe past, needing the sanctuary of her room, but the kitchen door opened before she reached the stairs.
“Lexi?” It was Jean, and Lexi turned reluctantly to her. “Are you all right?”
She plastered a smile on her face. “Why shouldn’t I be?”
Jean gave her a strange look. “Josh called. He said you were upset about something and wanted to know if you’d gotten home okay.”