She’d been half asleep, not aware of what she was saying. Probably dreaming about some other, more suitable man. She didn’t love him. She didn’t even know him. Except he’d opened up to her more than he had to anyone else in his whole life. And his gut tightened at the thought.
This whole thing was fake. He couldn’t forget that. And in his saner moments—like when he dragged himself away from her so he could think with his head rather than with his cock—he knew he didn’t want more. He wasn’t capable of offering her more—he was damaged goods. The strange thing was, she knew that. He was pretty sure that’s where the attraction lay for her—she thought she was saving him.
Eventually, she’d realize there was nothing worth saving.
And where would he be then?
Exactly where he wanted to be, if he could only maintain his emotional distance. Forget all the “love” crap and in a few months he could walk away and get on with his life. Alone.
He shifted in the bed, unable to settle. He eased away from her, slid out from under the sheet, pulled on his jeans, grabbed a T-shirt, and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. It was already 8:30, but they’d been awake half the night fulfilling fantasies. He’d added a few of his own to the mix.
He’d been neglecting work and needed to get into the office sometime today. Or maybe he needed to get away for a while. Get his head straight.
The kitchen was empty. Even Prudence was absent from her basket. He put on the coffee machine and sank into a seat at the kitchen table, wishing he had a cigarette. He hadn’t had one since he was ten years old and his mother had brought Evie back from the hospital. He’d made his mother give up smoking in the house as well, and she’d actually done the right thing for once.
I love you.
He shook his head, trying to dislodge the memory of those traitorous words.
Lexi didn’t love him.
He wasn’t the sort of guy that women fell in love with. Hell, even his mother hadn’t loved him. Sometimes he’d been sure she hated him, had given Evie away because she knew it was the one thing that would hurt him the most.
Evie was the only person who had ever loved him, and she had no doubt forgotten him quickly. Children were like that. They gave their affection easily and forgot as fast. So Evie didn’t count.
Trouble was, Lexi was the sort of girl who couldn’t have sex without an emotional attachment. He’d known that from the start, which was why he’d fought this, tried to keep his distance.
Obviously not hard enough.
He scrubbed a hand over his hair, his fingers trembling. What the hell was he supposed to do? He couldn’t walk away and leave her in the lurch. And he didn’t think he could stick around and not have sex with her. Hell, he wanted her even now.
She’d been half asleep; she likely wouldn’t even remember what she’d said and would be horrified if he mentioned it. Maybe he should just pretend it never happened. But he could hear the soft words whispering in his ear.
Christ, just shut the fuck up.
If he stuck around, she would no doubt see him for what he was, a dead-end loser from a council estate in London, no education, no family…
God, he was a miserable bastard.
As he got up to pour a coffee, a car drew up outside the house, and he peered out the window. Lexi’s grandmother climbed out, and he swore under his breath. The doorbell rang a minute later. When no one else answered it, he went out himself, fixed a smile on his face, and opened the front door.
She eyed him up and down, lingering on his bare feet—no doubt he’d made some social gaffe by opening the door not fully dressed.
Like I give a shit.
“What?” he asked. He knew he sounded unfriendly, but he hated this woman for what she had done to Lexi.
“I’ve been trying to see Alexia, but she appears to be avoiding me.”
“We’ve been…busy.”
“I’m sure. Is she here?”
For a second he thought about denying it, but Lexi couldn’t avoid her forever. “Come in. I’ll go tell her you’re here.”
She followed him inside, and he led her into the kitchen to wait. “Help yourself to coffee,” he said “Perhaps we could have a word before you go.”
He didn’t want to. Really, he didn’t. He knew with a certainty that he wouldn’t be interested in anything she had to say. All the same he heaved a huge breath and turned around. “Go on.”
“I’d like to understand what my granddaughter sees in you, Joshua.”
“Please, call me Mr. Slater.”
She gave a tight smile. “You’re good looking enough, if you like your men a little rough.”
“Thanks.”
“But what have you possibly got in common with Alexia? I’ve looked into your background. You’re a nothing. A nobody. So I don’t know why Lexi is with you. Sex, I’m guessing. You’re her piece of rough.”
Bitch.
“Or she feels sorry for you.”