“Except for last night.”
A faint wash of color tinted her face. “Five years?”
“Like you said, it’s no big deal. I was busy building up the business. There was no time for anything else.” In some ways, he hadn’t wanted a woman, had been in a bad place back then. He’d left the army, which had been his home for many years, and then he’d in effect lost Evie for the second time. He’d just wanted to be alone. He’d used the whole marriage thing as an excuse if anyone came on too strong. And really as an excuse to himself. Though he was telling the truth; he didn’t cheat—even if it was a technicality. His mother had never been faithful to any man, and no way was he going to be like his mother.
Lexi was still staring at him, disbelief clear in her eyes. It wasn’t that big a deal. Or maybe it was. “Well, neither have you.”
“But I didn’t know what I was missing.”
And now she did. Would she miss it now? “And you had your vibrator.” Why the hell had he brought that up?
She ignored the comment. “Well, if you’ve managed for five years, surely you can manage for another six months.”
He really didn’t think that was an option. He’d awoken the ravenous beast and there was no putting it back to sleep. All he could think about was sex. Right now, sex with Lexi, but that would change once he got away from her and severed the ties between them. It was only proximity that had him thinking about her naked. That’d had her playing the starring role in his fantasy while he’d jerked off in the shower that morning. She’d been giving him a blow job, her sweet rosebud mouth wrapped around him, her hands—
“Josh?”
He came out of his fantasy to find her watching him a perplexed expression on her face.
“I made a vow,” he said. God, that sounded pompous.
She shook her head, rubbing at the spot between her brows. “You made a vow to have sex?”
“Yeah.” Now he sounded belligerent. He took a deep breath, then came and sat down beside her, noticing the way she inched away from him as if he were some dangerous madman. He needed to make this sound plausible. “I told you. A few weeks ago, I was on this ship that went down. It was touch and go for a while whether I’d make it. I broke my leg, and we were cut off by fire. Anyway, I did make it and…well, that sort of thing has a way of changing your life.”
“And so you decided to have sex. Very deep and meaningful.”
He shrugged. “In a way.” God, how did he explain this when he didn’t really understand it himself? But she deserved an explanation. “I’ve been a little restless lately. The business is doing great, there’s no reason for me to work all hours, but when I stopped working all the time, I started thinking again. And I realized I’d put my life on hold.”
“Because of the marriage to me?”
It would be easy to give that as the reason, but it wasn’t true. “No. Marrying you was a symptom. Not the reason.”
“A symptom of what?”
“It doesn’t matter. Anyway, floating in that lifeboat afterward, realizing how close I’d come to dying, I decided to change that. A couple of other guys were with me, and we all made these vows to go back and change something in our lives. And I vowed to have sex.”
“Because to have sex you first needed to sort out the other stuff that was holding you back? Mainly your marriage to me.”
She was bright. “Yeah. And once I’d decided, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I need that annulment.” Christ he sounded like a selfish bastard.
“And…last night didn’t help?”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and sat back. “Made it worse. I haven’t felt this horny since… Hell, I’ve never felt this horny.”
“Oh.” She thought for a moment, licked her lips, cast a quick glance at his face and then away. “We could…”
He knew exactly what she was suggesting, and the blood shot to his groin. He ignored the sensation. “No, we couldn’t. I want no-strings-sex, not married sex.”
“I don’t have any strings.”
He raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment.
“Hmm. How about I give you some sort of dispensation. Say it’s all right, that you can go out and have your no-strings-sex, and I don’t mind.”
“You don’t?”
She tossed him a haughty look. “Why would I?”
Because you want me, baby. But he kept those words to himself. They wouldn’t help. “No can do. I’d still feel like I’m cheating.” He’d thought about it, had been eyeing up women all morning. Sally was beautiful, and in the past, she’d made it more than clear that she’d be there if he needed anything—anything at all. But he couldn’t envisage it happening.
“Jesus, you’re difficult.” Lexi scowled at him.
“We men can be single-minded.”
“Maybe we can get you some bromide or something to add to your coffee.”