Heat Wave

“I love him,” I whisper.

“Whether you do or you don’t doesn’t have any bearing Veronica, and you know this. Your mother and I…she has a lot to lose. What will it look like to the world to have you marry your dead sister’s widower? It’s beyond reproach and you know it.”

“What will it look like?” I repeat. “You keep saying that, what will it look like, because you’re so fucking scared of what people think and see of you, that you have no regard for your own daughter and her feelings.”

“Oh hush now,” he says, “don’t be absurd. We have total regard for you and your feelings, that’s why we know this won’t work.”

“What?”

“We’re your parents, Veronica. We’ve watched you your whole life, your fascination with Juliet, trying to be like her. It’s normal, completely normal, for the youngest to try and emulate the oldest. But this is going too far. You know, if you reach deep inside yourself, you’ll see that whatever you think you have with Logan, whatever your feelings are for him, they aren’t real. It’s manufactured by your brain to make up for losing Juliet. By keeping Logan, you keep her alive. Maybe it’s the same for him, I don’t know, but either way it isn’t what you think it is.” He sighs. “Your mother and I are trying to prevent you from making a big mistake and costing our reputation. Can’t you think logically for one moment and see that?”

I swallow painfully, shaking my head. My tongue is pressed against the roof of my mouth. No words come out.

“I have to go, your mother is waiting,” he says. “We’re going out for dinner, you know, our usual New Year’s celebration with Aunt June. But listen, we can talk later. We can talk about all of this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I whisper.

Another loud sigh. “If that’s what you think, then I guess that means you’re not changing your mind. You know dear, if it were up to me, I would give Logan time to buy us out and own it outright. But we can’t let this happen. Your mother…it’s her career that made us all who we are.”

“And I hate who I am.”

“Sometimes I do too. But this is life. And you have to make sacrifices sometimes. I’m sorry that this is yours but you have a choice. Come back home and start again. Or stay with him, and he’ll lose the hotel. There is no other way here and you know it. I know you do. Do the right thing for us all. For you, for Logan, for Juliet, for us. Do the right thing Veronica.”

I shake my head, dead tears falling from my eyes. “Juliet would have understood.”

“No, dear. Juliet is the reason we are doing this. To honor her, even if you won’t. I’ll book you a flight home so you don’t have to spend your money, you have enough experience now on your resume anyway and can start again. We all will. Together, as a family. See, this might even be a great thing. It might be the reason for everything.”

I don’t know what happens next. I’m caught in some kind of vortex, alternating between going numb and pulsing with rage. I’m at once a child, helpless and afraid, and then I am me, I am now, and I am the same. Angry, lost, and so fucking desperate.

When Kate comes in from reception, hours later, I’m sitting in the armchair and staring blankly at the wall, the wicker creating grooves into my sweating skin.

“Ron?” she says, appearing in front of me, hands on hips. “What are you doing?”

I can’t even look at her. I’ll have to say goodbye to her too. There’s no way I can do this to Logan and then stick around to watch our love collapse.

“Ron?” she says again and now her voice is higher, concerned. She comes closer and crouches down at my level. “Hey,” she says, putting her hand on mine and then recoiling. My hand is covered in sweat. “What’s wrong with you?”

I slowly bring my eyes over to meet hers, but I can’t do anything but blink.

I’ve never seen her look so worried.

“Are you having a seizure?”

“I need your help,” I whisper. That wasn’t at all what I was going to say. I was planning on saying nothing, on leaving her in the dark. But now I’m not so sure. I can’t do this alone.

“What is it?”

I lick my lips. My mouth feels like sandpaper. “Can you keep a secret? I mean a big secret.”

She cocks her head, unamused. “What do you think I’ve been doing this last month?”

She’s right. She kept me and Logan secret this whole time. No one knew.

I burst into tears.

Big, sobbing tears that spill from my eyes, tears that torment my body.

“Oh my god,” she whispers. “What’s happened? Are you dying?”

It feels like it. Fuck, help me, it feels like it.

“I have to leave,” I say between sobs. “I have to go.”

“What, why?”

Somehow I manage to explain it, I explain everything my parents told me and everything that I know they’re capable of.