“Why not?”
“Because I come on strong and would’ve only scared her off. Not that I wanted to score with her or anything; that came later.”
“So you took a moment to gauge her demeanour, you considered the best course of action to take in befriending her, and then you set on your course.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Sound familiar?” the doctor asked, a lilt in his voice.
“It sounds a little like some of the techniques you’ve been teaching me, yeah.”
“It’s knowledge we all unconsciously possess, how to read people, how to react in different social situations. Some of us are simply better at it than others. And some people, such as yourself, need to consciously find those skills from within and use them instead of allowing the id to steer the wheel.”
“The id?” Trev asked.
“It’s the most basic part of the human personality. The id wants instant gratification rather than to work for a certain result. Imagine a child throwing a tantrum because they want ice cream now instead of waiting until after their dinner.”
“Are you saying I’m like a toddler?” Trev commented, bemused.
“I’m saying it’s your natural instinct to want things immediately. You want to be with Reya, correct?”
“Yes.”
“And if you were to go with your natural instinct, you might simply grab her and start kissing her.”
Trev chuckled quietly. “Something like that.”
“But if you were to do that, how would she react?”
“Not well, I imagine.”
“So, you need to resist the urge inside your head to take what you want, consequences be damned. If you are to build a lasting foundation, the id is not the part of the psyche that you should be listening to.”
“Then what part should I be listening to?”
“You listen to the ego.”
Trev didn’t sound convinced. “My ego is what got me into this mess in the first place.”
“I’m talking about the Freudian ego, Trevor, which is the second part of the psyche. It allows us to understand that if we take what we want right away, there will be consequences. We might upset people, or hurt them, and that won’t be beneficial for us in the long run.”
I startled when the doorbell rang, jolting my rapt attention away from Trev’s therapy session. Although I wanted to continue listening, I didn’t want to get caught. Plus, I needed to go answer the door, because it was probably Isaac.
I hurried down the hallway, greeting Isaac with an overly bright smile when I let him in. “Good morning. I hope you’re hungry.”
“I’m nineteen. I’m always hungry,” he replied, returning my smile. “What’s up with you?”
“With me? Nothing. Why?”
“You seem a little . . . I dunno, buzzed.”
I waved him away, even though my heart still pounded from what I’d overheard. Trev wanted to be with me. He’d wanted to be with me for years but kept things platonic for fear of losing me. “I just overslept. Do you like bruschetta?”
“Never had it before, but I’m not picky.”
“Okay, bruschetta it is then,” I chirped.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound like my mum when she’s been snooping in my bedroom.”
“I’m fine. And stop comparing me to your mum all the time. You’ll give me a complex. Now go grab a knife and help me chop these tomatoes.”
He chuckled. “Now you really do sound like my mum.”
I poked him in the side. “Hey! I’m not that old.”
“What are you? Twenty-six? You’re practically ancient,” he teased.
I narrowed my gaze. “You’re lucky I’m not the one holding the knife.”
We worked together in quiet for a bit, while my mind was as loud as a motorway at rush hour. Too many thoughts filled my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about how Trev discussed me with his doctor. He discussed me regularly. And, he wanted us to be together, like together together. It was all so much to digest.
Sure, he hadn’t exactly been coy about his feelings, but I didn’t know the true extent of them. Now I did. He wanted to grab me and kiss me when he saw me. The very notion made me blush right down to my toes.
The thing that got me most was the idea that he wanted to rewind the clock, go back to how things used to be before everything got so complicated. But did I have it in me to take him back?
One part of me felt like I did, especially since I now had my eyes open to his reasons for keeping me at an arm’s length. But another part refused to make things easy for him. That part wanted him to work for it, because in spite of everything, there were too many times when I’d simply acquiesced to his wants and ignored my own.
Isaac, Neil and I were eating brunch when Trev finally emerged from his room. He eyed the three of us, though his gaze warmed substantially when he looked at me.
Do you want to kiss me right now, Trevor?
“I left a plate in the fridge for you if you’re hungry,” I said before taking a bite.
He smiled softly and it lit a warm spark in my chest. “Thanks, Reyrey.”
A little while later I settled myself on the couch to check my emails. I was delighted to see a new one from Marlene. I have a fan. I found at least a dozen attachments and started flicking through them. Her photos were incredible, definitely good enough to use on posters and flyers.
I was lost in my head making plans when a curious voice asked, “Are those stripper poles?”
I turned and Trev was leaning over the couch, his attention on my laptop screen. I wondered self-consciously how long he’d been watching me and tucked some hair behind my ear.
“Uh, yeah. Last night I played at a burlesque club.”
Trev hopped over the couch and landed beside me. He grabbed the laptop and began scrolling through the photos. “You secretive little mare. I can’t believe you didn’t let me come with you.”
“I told you, I didn’t want any crew members tagging along.”
He was quiet for a minute or two as he studied the pictures. Then he breathed, “These are beautiful, Reya. Who took them?”
“A French girl who came to see me play. We spoke after my set and she offered to send me the pictures.”
“Well, she’s bloody good, whoever she is. Can I email these to myself?”
I bit my lip, shooting him a curious glance. “Why?”
He turned to look at me, his expression serious. “Why not?”
I was the first to look away, unable to handle the ferocity of his stare. Clearing my throat, I mumbled. “Sure, go ahead then.”
He started tapping and then he handed the laptop back to me. “All done.”
“Thanks. So, um, how are you feeling today?”
“I’m good. Fine,” he answered, eyeing me shrewdly.
“Oh, that’s . . . good.”
Trev continued to study me and his brows arched ever so slightly. “Any reason why you’re asking?”
I stiffened but shook my head. “Nope. Just, you know, being friendly.”
I didn’t mean to put so much emphasis on ‘friendly’ and Trev appeared suspicious. He stared at me for so long I was glad for my year-round tan, otherwise I would’ve gone read as red as a tomato. He looked as though he suspected I was hiding something.