Jenna pulled back. “What do you mean? What did I do?”
“When you came down to the Cape, you said you wouldn’t come back until the end of the summer, and you implied that I needed to deal with life on my own. You were right. I was hiding behind you, trying to fit into whatever you had going on in your life, like I was a girlfriend. I knew I couldn’t hide anymore. I just had to find the strength to stop, and when you didn’t return my texts and you hesitated about me coming to visit, it was the eye-opener that I needed.”
“Then what was up with the tight dress? And the comments on the beach? And the comments about Pete?” Especially the comments about Pete!
“The dress? Because I’ve still got it.” She patted her hip. “The comments? Because they were hotties. I’m old. Not blind.” Her mom sighed. “Don’t worry, honey. I’m kidding. But as far as Pete goes, sweetheart, I was egging you on, trying to get you to stake claim to your man.”
“Could have fooled me. I thought you were becoming a cougar.”
“Meow.” Her mother reached out like her hand was a bear claw.
They headed back into the library arm in arm.
“Hey, Mom? Can you please not ask me anything sexual about Pete? Ever?”
“You never let me have any fun.” Her mom laughed. “There’s no need to ask. The way you looked at each other left nothing up to the imagination.”
Jenna groaned, but her insides were doing a happy dance—for both the understanding that her mother wasn’t losing her mind after all and at the notion that others could see how much she and Pete cared for each other. She felt like she wanted to stand on top of the Wellfleet fire tower and yell, I’m Jenna Ward, and I love Pete Lacroux! It was a relief to share that love with the woman who had been there for everything from skinned knees to career issues. Her mother had never shooed her away the way that Jenna had done to her the last few weeks. As she held the library door open for her mother, she realized that she had to come clean about something else. Something equally as important.
Jenna touched her mother’s arm. “Mom, before we go in.” She let the door close and reached for her mother’s hand.
“What is it, honey?”
“Two things, really. I have a hard time when you say bad things about Dad. I just wish you wouldn’t, because it makes me feel like I can’t be close to him—despite all the things you just said.” She lowered her eyes, then forced herself to meet her mother’s gaze again. “I’m sorry, Mom, but can you please not say things about him, or compare him to other men?”
“I’ll try, Jenna. I’ve told you how I feel about him. How I really feel about him. The rest is just a defense mechanism—and a very bad one at that.” Her mother embraced her. “I’m glad we raised you to speak your mind, and I’m glad you feel as though you can be honest with me.”
Jenna drew back. “There’s one other thing. I’m sorry that I tried to avoid your calls and your texts. I’m sorry that I judged you instead of being there for you this summer. I feel really bad about that.”
“Oh, honey.” Her mother shook her head and hugged her again. “You have your own life to live, and I have mine. You did exactly what we raised you to do. You spoke your mind and took care of yourself. You can never go wrong when you do that, and you know what that means…”
“I don’t know what it means, but it feels selfish.”
Her mother smiled, and in that smile Jenna saw the mother she knew and had loved for her entire life. “Sometimes you have to be a little selfish to make things right. It means that your father and I did something right, and that makes everything okay.”
It was nice to hear her mother say something positive about the time when she was married to Jenna’s father. Progress.
When they arrived back at the cottage that afternoon, Jenna felt more relaxed. She was glad to know that her mother wasn’t going through a crazy midlife crisis that might end with her owning a Corvette and having her lips plumped.
Jenna was putting away the new books she’d taken out from the library when her mother came into her bedroom and sat on the bed.
“I think I’m going to pack up and take off this afternoon. You have a life to lead, and heaven knows I have to start pulling mine back together. Today was a real eye-opener for me. I’ve missed seeing you look at me like you’re not afraid of what I’ll say.” Her mom smiled up at her.
Selfishly, Jenna couldn’t help but think that if her mother left, she and Pete would have tonight alone together, but her mother was trying to mend the bridge between them, and there she was trying to jump over it. She pushed away the selfish thought and focused on her mother.
“This weekend is the book sale. Why don’t you stay and help us with it? You’re enjoying being here, and it’s nice to have you around.”
Her mother looked around the bedroom with a thoughtful gaze and smoothed her dress over her hips.
“As fun as that would probably be, there’s someone waiting for me at home.” Her mother’s mouth quirked up into a mischievous smile.
“Someone?” Oh boy. Jenna’s nerves became inflamed again. Please don’t tell me he’s a twentysomething guy.
“Do you remember Carlos? The butcher?”
Jenna’s eyes widened.
“Of course I remember him. He’s only been flirting with you since you and Dad split up. But you never pay any attention to him. You do realize he’s probably not any younger than dad?”
“Yes.”
“Or particularly fit,” Jenna reminded her.
“Yes, he does have a bit of a belly, doesn’t he?” Her mother put an arm around Jenna’s shoulder. “I’ve been thinking about everything as we’ve been talking. Maybe who I am really is the person your father left. It’s fun to act young, but honestly, it’s exhausting. Carlos is kind, he’s stable as a rock, and we have a lot in common.”
Jenna was relieved to hear her mother say that, and now, more than ever, she didn’t want her to get hurt.
“How do you know that Carlos will still want to go out with you?”
Her mom blinked her eyes in a dramatic fashion. “Because your mama isn’t a fool, baby. I might have been playing around with my clothes and how I acted, but inside I think I always knew who I was. I can’t compete with your father’s young thing.”
“That isn’t making any sense. What does that have to do with Carlos seeing how you’ve been acting and wanting no part of it?”
“Because while I have been feeling things out with you, and with some of my girlfriends back home, outside of those who love me no matter what I do, I’ve remained the same boring person I’ve always been.”
“But I thought your closest friends had gotten tired of how you were behaving.” Jenna was totally confused.
“Yes, they have, and I’ll make that right when I go home. And I hope we’re okay now. I’m sorry things got so weird.”
“Me too, Mom. I was afraid we’d never get back to normal.”
“Honey, we survived your teenage years; we can survive anything.”
Chapter Eighteen