Except…
I pause, an ugly realization rearing from the back of my mind. Staying away from trouble makes sense, but I’ve been doing that for years, and it hasn’t changed a damn thing. I’ve tried denying it, but my friends are right: I’ve been holding on to Finn and all his heartache since the day he left. I’ve told myself I’ve moved on, but the memory of that pain has haunted me. I’ve been afraid to put my heart on the line again and risk that same devastation in the end. Sure, I’ve gone through the motions of blind dates and fix-ups, but it never lasts for long.
But Finn? He makes me feel everything, so much that it scares me. The desire for him, my naked need; I’ve never felt so out-of-control as when I’m with him, like my chest is cracked wide open and my heart is beating, open and raw, offered up for him to do as he wants with it. I’m on the edge of the cliff, and just slightest sign from him -- the smallest hint at all -- and I would give it all to him. Hand him my heart, and soul, and relinquish myself to the fall.
This fire racing through my bloodstream both terrifies and intoxicates me too. It could leave us both in ashes, burn my whole world to the ground again.
But wouldn’t it be a beautiful blaze?
I hear another round of applause echo, so I pull myself back together and walk slowly back towards the party. As I’m heading down the hallway, the front door opens, and Sawyer steps inside. I do a double take. He looks different out of his work jeans and sweater. He’s wearing a smart button-down, looking cleanly-shaven and classically handsome.
“Eva.” He greets me with a smile. “How are you? I was hoping I’d see you here.”
“Umm, hi.” I blink, thrown. “You’re back!”
“I know, it feels like I was gone for weeks,” Sawyer agrees. “But you know how us veterinarians like to party.”
“Wild nights with all your research papers?” I joke.
Sawyer laughs. “Something like that. Anyway, how about you? How have you been?” He moves just a bit closer, leaning against the wall.
“Good, busy,” I say vaguely.
“Lots of work at the shelter?”
“Right.”
And diving headlong into emotional confusion over my ex, I silently add.
“That Edith’s a character, huh?” Sawyer continues, smiling affectionately at the thought. “I stopped by yesterday, and she gave me the third degree, quizzing me all about my intentions towards you.”
I groan, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, she likes to play matchmaker.”
“That’s okay.” Sawyer grins. “They’re only a little dishonorable, I promise.” He winks, and my heart plummets. Any other month, and I would be on cloud nine right now. A hot, single animal lover who wants to flirt with me? I should be melting. But with Finn in the next room – scruffy, dangerous, intoxicating Finn – I’m afraid to admit it, but no other man stands a chance.
“Listen,” I start, awkward. “There’s something you should know—”
I’m about to tell him that I’m too tied up in ancient history to think about dating him right now, when the cause of all my confusion emerges from the living room. Finn stops, taking us in.
“I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” he says, stepping forward with his hand outstretched. “Finn McKay.”
“Sawyer Green.” Sawyer shakes his hand, good natured. “Great to meet you. Are you a friend of Eva’s?” he asks.
“An old friend,” Finn says, giving me a look.
“Sawyer’s the new vet in town,” I speak up. “He’s been helping out at the rescue.”
“That’s great.” Finn’s voice is friendly, but there’s a weird vibe here all the same. Sawyer and he are assessing each other, casual on the surface, but I can tell something’s going on underneath. “Eva’s been volunteering there for years.”
“She said so,” Sawyer replies pleasantly. “She has a real gift with the animals. They all love her.”
“Everyone does.”
There’s a pause. I look back and forth between them. “You want to get a drink?” I ask Sawyer. “There’s a full bar, right through here.”
“Sounds good.” He smiles at me. “Good meeting you, Finn.”
“You too.” Finn nods. “Let me know if you need anything.”
I guide Sawyer through to the party and get him set up with a beer, my mind racing how I’m going to explain this one. But he beats me to it. “I’m guessing he’s who you wanted to talk to me about,” he says casually, and I nearly splutter on my drink.
“How did you know?”
Sawyer chuckles. “I’m not blind. Old boyfriend?”
I nod, feeling bad. “He just came back to town,” I try to explain. “And I wasn’t going to get involved, but—”
“Hey, it’s okay. I understand.” Sawyer gives me a rueful look. “Bad timing, the story of my life.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, feeling a twist of regret. “If I’d met you any other time—”
“I get it,” Sawyer cuts me off, smiling. “We’re good. But I still want to get that drink sometime. You can give me the inside scoop on this town. Friends?” he asks.