When I got to the front of the diner, sure enough, the door was open an inch or two. You had to really hold it closed when you locked it and clearly Grace hadn’t been herself when leaving today. I could see that the bolt was out, but she just hadn’t pulled the door tight enough for it to latch.
Poor, Grace. I knew that what had happened this morning at her diner wasn’t my fault, but I still felt guilty, like I had somehow been responsible for bringing this beast into her life. It was ridiculous and I knew it wasn’t true, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I refused to deny the connection that I knew Hunter and I had. Although it might not have been my fault that he came crashing into our lives, I could make damn sure that he didn’t have a reason to stay. I had to put everything I felt about him aside and realize what was good for me and the people I cared about. And that’s just what I was going to do.
I pulled the diner door tight and made sure the bolt slid all the way in, locking the place up for the night. There was no real need to lock the door in this town, but getting that done felt like I had taken a step toward piecing myself and my life back together. It only took one day for Hunter to tear it apart, and I was going to get it back on track tonight.
I walked back to my car and opened the door. I could hear a ridiculously loud engine roaring somewhere close by.
Kids, I thought, don’t they have anything better to do?
I sat in the driver’s seat and took a moment to laugh at myself. I was the oldest twenty-three-year-old on the planet. Here I was out at a perfectly reasonable hour for someone my age, scolding someone in my head for having a little fun. Sometimes I wondered about myself, if I was missing out on some things, letting my youth slip by.
Well, you had your fun this afternoon, Kelly. How did that make you feel after all was said and done? Was it worth it?
I had no answer for myself.
A big part of me wished I had never met Hunter. He flipped my life upside down in one afternoon and left me with this painful rock sitting in the pit of my stomach. I missed him and hated him at the same time, and I had never been more confused by anything or anyone in my entire life. I wanted nothing more than to be rid of him and the ache he caused in the pit of my stomach. At the same time, there was an equally big part of me that couldn’t imagine him leaving my life as quickly and effortlessly as he had entered it, and was terrified that I might never see him again. He made me feel more alive than I ever had, and he did it with hardly a word. He just looked into me with his sharp, deep, blue eyes, took me in his worn and powerful hands, and made me feel things I’d never felt in my life. With one movement of his tongue or lips, he had me questioning everything about myself. When he pinned me down on my kitchen floor and plunged himself so far into me, he did more than open me physically, he opened up my eyes to a whole new world. It was a world of intensity, of primal desire. He’d needed me and I’d needed him. There was nothing that was going to stop him from crushing our bodies together in a sweaty and blissful union. I still ached from him and I still ached for him.
But it couldn’t be. He was like a wildfire and I knew there was nothing I could do to contain him. I knew what I had to do and why. I couldn’t let him swallow me up in his raging flames. No matter how much I wanted and needed to be there.
I put the key in the ignition and turned the engine. Nothing.
No, no, no. Not now. Please, not now. Stupid, beat up, old car.
I stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. I tried the engine again.
Nothing.
I placed my hands on the wheel and rested my head between them. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I wasn’t far from home. I didn’t even need to drive. But here I was, alone on the deserted streets, with an engine that wouldn’t turn.
The perfect end to the perfect day.
You have got to be kidding me. So much for reclaiming control over my life.
I lifted my head and pounded my fist on the steering wheel.
“God damn it,” I cried.
I immediately felt bad for taking the Lord’s name in vain.
I leaned back against the headrest and thought about what I was going to do. I could just walk the few blocks back to my house and end this mess of a day right now, or I could walk around the corner, drop Hunter’s keys, and be done with this whole mess forever.
I tried the engine again with no luck and pounded my fist on the steering wheel one more time like it would magically spring the vehicle into action. It did not.
Okay, Kelly. Just keep your head up and get this done.
I reached for the door handle when I heard a vehicle approaching slowly from behind.
Whoever you are, keep going. Please, just keep going. I can’t do this anymore. No more today.
But the vehicle didn’t keep going past. It stopped and I heard a voice call out to me from its driver’s seat.
“Looks like you’re having a little car trouble there, sweetheart. Anything I can do to make your life a little better tonight?”