“Yes, he’s ours, and I’m going to prove it to you, Faith. I swear to God I am.”
“You’ve never even seen him.”
“Faith,” I said, desperately.
“I don’t think I can take this,” she said. “Go inside and tell Lacey to come out. I need to go home.”
“I’ll take you home,” I said, taking another step toward her.
Again she backed away. “No, you stay the hell away from me.”
Chapter 29
Faith
WHAT WAS I DOING?
Jackson was back.
I’d been waiting so long for him and he was back. It was overwhelming. It was unbelievable. He’d returned after all his years of absence. He’d finally come home to me.
And I was acting cold as ice.
I didn’t mean to. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly it was pure agony. I wanted him to touch me, to wrap his arms around me, to put his tongue inside my mouth, and more. I wanted all of him, and I wanted him so much the longing was going to kill me. Fuck, I wanted every bit of him. I wanted his cock inside me. I wanted him to come in my womb again, just like he had when he’d made Sam. I wanted to feel the pulse of his orgasm inside me like an explosion. I’d been dreaming about it for so long it was like a memory from a past life.
But I was pushing him away. The more I wanted him, the harder I pushed.
What was I doing?
He was still standing there, looking at me. I’d told him to leave me alone, but my eyes were begging him to stay.
Don’t leave, my heart was crying. Don’t leave.
My lips were telling him to go, but my eyes were begging him to stay.
It’s difficult for me to put in words the way I felt. I had a million emotions rushing through me at once.
I was relieved. So relieved. I’d been afraid ever since he’d left the pendant in my car that he didn’t want me anymore. I’d refused to think about it, I’d refused to even admit to myself that it had been him, but it had scared me. Now that I knew he hadn’t been throwing it back in my face, he still wanted me. I was so relieved.
He still wanted me.
He still wanted me.
That had been my single, biggest fear for twelve years, and it had gotten worse as more time passed. Now he was back, and he still wanted me. It filled my heart with such joy it was almost unbearable.
But I was terrified. What if I wasn’t as good as he remembered? The last time he’d fucked me I was twenty years old. Now I was in my thirties. What if he didn’t like me the same way?
What if he didn’t love Sam? How would I live?
How could it work? What about the details? Where would we live? Would Sam accept Jackson as a father?
Good God, it was so scary it made me tremble. There were a million things that could go wrong. For so long, all I’d thought about was Jackson coming back. Now he was back, and it opened up so many dangers I could hardly breathe.
There was so much fear. So many questions.
And yet, there he was, standing in front of me.
I was hurt, too. I was angry. It was because of him that I had to go through all this uncertainty. All this fear. I’d been alone for years. I’d raised his son alone. Sam had grown up without knowing the security and comfort of a father. I’d received just three days of love from Jackson, and then years of silence.
He was about to leave, to go back into the bar and send Lacey out to me. I had to stop him.
“I’m afraid,” I said.
“Faith,” he said again.
It melted my heart a little bit more every time he said my name.
“What are you afraid of?” he said.
“So many things. What if you don’t love me anymore?”
He shook his head. He took a step toward me and I let him. I wanted to run toward him but I stopped myself.
“I’ve loved you every second,” he said. “I loved you in my sleep. I loved you when I lay awake in the middle of the night. I loved you when I killed those men who posed a threat to you and Sam.”
Sam. It was the first time I’d heard him say his son’s name. I was crying, ruining my makeup, but I didn’t care.
“What if you don’t love Sam?” I said.
“I love you both,” he said. He was crying now too. “I love you both, Faith. I always have. I’d give my life for you.”
“How do you know?”
“You weren’t the only one who was waiting, Faith. I was waiting too. Those twelve years were so painful I thought they’d kill me. I didn’t let other women touch me in the entire time I was gone. I waited for you. I was true to you, Faith. I swear it.”
I looked at him and I knew it was true. It was as true as the stars in the sky above us. I believed him. I took a step toward him. He came to me and wrapped me up in his powerful arms. When he lifted me into the air I felt like I was flying. I felt like I was in the clouds.
“Jackson,” I cried.
“Faith,” he cried. “I missed you so much, Faith.”