And it felt good to be back. I didn’t know how long I’d stay, I didn’t know what Grant and the rest of the Brotherhood would say when they saw me. They hadn’t heard from me in so long.
At that moment, all I knew was that the full moon was looking down on me, the crickets were chirping, and the fireflies fluttered up from the lawn like minuscule fireworks. I let the feeling of the place wash over me.
After twelve years of longing, I’d finally seen Faith. And she was better off without me.
Chapter 26
Jackson
I’D BEEN BACK AT THE BROTHERHOOD for a week, and needless to say, they welcomed me with open arms. I’d never really doubted they would, membership was for life, but I was still apprehensive when I walked up to the porch and knocked on the door.
Lacey was the one to answer. She was holding a glass of wine, and when she saw me standing there, she dropped the glass and it smashed all over the porch. Then she threw her arms around me and hugged me so tight I thought she’d hurt herself.
The other three were all there, Grant, Forrester and Grady. They’d aged a little but were the same old sons of guns I’d known and loved. They knew I was alive, they’d watched with interest as, one by one, the Lobos were assassinated. They respected me for finishing the job. They all agreed something had to be done about Los Lobos, but they couldn’t believe I’d given up so much time to do it.
Twelve years, while I had a baby and a woman waiting for me. Lacey was the hardest on me. She couldn’t understand how I could leave Faith alone that long.
“She had to raise that kid without you,” Lacey said. “How can you ever hope to repay her for that? Twelve years, Jackson. You’re mad. All four of you are mad.”
The guys were more understanding.
“It was for Faith’s safety,” Grant said.
“And the baby’s,” Forrester added. “I’d have done exactly the same thing.”
They knew there was no way I could return until every last Lobo was gone.
“Rule number one,” Grady said, “tie up loose ends. You know that, Lacey.”
Lacey just shook her head. She was the one who’d remained closest to Faith. They all saw Faith and Sam on holidays and special occasions. The brothers all showed up for little Sam’s birthdays, things like that. But Lacey saw Faith all the time. The two had become best friends.
“No matter how difficult it gets,” Grady went on, “no matter how long it takes, you do not sow the seeds of your own destruction. Whatever you do, you do it right. If you start a job, you finish it.”
They’d always known I’d return when the job was done. They knew I’d return for Faith. I wasn’t the kind of guy to walk away from something, especially a woman I’d purposely made the mother of my son. I’d never have sent her to the Brotherhood if I didn’t intend to come back for her.
When I told Lacey that I thought Faith would be better off without me, she called bullshit. She said Faith was still waiting for me, even if they didn’t talk about it like they used to. She knew it. Faith couldn’t even think of dating other men. She’d tried and failed, every time.
Me and Lacey would sit out on the porch, discussing my thoughts long into the night.
“You’ve got to promise me you won’t tell her I’m back,” I said to Lacey for the thousandth time.
“Jackson, you’re crazy. That woman’s been waiting for you for twelve years, and now that you’re here, you don’t have the guts to call her?”
“I told you, I already saw her.”
“That doesn’t count. She didn’t even know it was you.”
“I don’t know, Lacey. I’m a changed man. I’m not the guy she fell in love with.”
“You’ll always be the guy she fell in love with, Jackson. I know that girl. She’s as loyal as they come.”
I felt my heart throb for Faith when Lacey said that.
“Just let me approach her in my own way,” I said. “I’ve got to figure out what I have to offer her, now that the Lobos are dead. Now that she’s safe, I’ve got to figure out what I have to give that she needs.”
“She needs a man, Jackson. She needs a father for Sam.”
“I know, I know,” I said. “It’s just, everything was so clear before. I was killing the men that posed a threat to her. I could understand that. Now, I’ve got to change gears. Just give me a few more days.”
Lacey didn’t agree with me. She said I was stalling. She said I was full of shit. But she swore not to tell Faith I was back until I was ready.
“Aren’t you desperate to meet your son?” she said.
“Of course I am.”
“Then what are you waiting for?”
I didn’t have an answer so I said nothing. I’d been spending my days working on my daddy’s old place. It was a beautiful vineyard with an old homestead on it, the place I’d grown up. I thought if I could fix it up, I’d at least have something real to go to Faith with. I had to go back to her with something. I couldn’t just walk up and say I was back, not after so much time had passed. I couldn’t expect her to drop everything for me. She deserved more than that and I knew it.