“Oh, Faith,” Lacey said, putting her arms around me. “That’s not the way it is. Whatever Jackson got into with you, he went into with his eyes open. I’ve never met a smarter man. If he offered you his help, you can be certain he knew what he was going to get in return, and it was worth it to him. If he asked you to have his baby, that was the most important thing in the world to him at that moment, and he was more than willing to risk his life for it.”
“I just don’t understand it,” I said. “There are so many other women who could have had his baby. He didn’t need to throw his life away to have it with me.”
Lacey shook her head. “The heart wants what the heart wants,” she said.
“I just hope he comes back to me.”
“I know, Faith. I know.”
I went quiet. I stared out the window at the glowing sky. It truly was a beautiful sight, the ocean in the distance reflecting the light like a mirror.
“You’ll make a nice life here, Faith.”
I started to cry. I wanted it so badly I could hardly bear it. I wanted to create a life in that place, in that beautiful valley, with Jackson.
“Come on,” Lacey said. “Come to my room. I’ll wake you as soon as there’s news.”
Reluctantly I followed her to her bedroom and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell into a deep sleep.
I dreamed I was on a pier, looking out at sea, and Jackson was on a boat sailing away from me. I wanted to dive into the water and swim after him, even if it meant drowning, but something stopped me. I knew what it was. It was the baby in my womb.
I woke with a start. Lacey was there.
“Is he back?”
One look into her eyes and I knew the answer. She shook her head. “Faith, I’m so sorry.”
“No,” I cried.
“Grady did everything he could but he got there too late. Jackson had already attacked Staten’s mountaintop villa.”
“Alone?”
“Alone.”
“No,” I said again, refusing to believe my ears.
“Grady heard gunfire, and he waited for Jackson to come back out of the compound.”
“But he didn’t come out, did he?”
Lacey shook her head.
I pulled the blanket over my head. I couldn’t bear for her to see my face. Tears were streaming over my cheeks and I felt lost—utterly lost.
I’d only known Jackson for a few short days, but in that time he’d burned himself into my soul. I’d never get over him. I’d never be able to look at another man. My life was as good as over. If Jackson wasn’t coming back, I might as well be dead.
There was only one thing that gave me a reason to live. I was pregnant.
Chapter 20
Faith
TIME PASSED SLOWLY WITHOUT JACKSON. It was like everything was underwater. Color faded. Sound was muted. Light was dimmed. The minutes spread into hours but I hardly noticed.
The sound of a bike engine brought me out of Lacey’s room, but I couldn’t see through my tears. I couldn’t hear the words anyone said to me.
Grady spoke of trying to get to Jackson before he went into Wolf’s compound. He said he got there too late, Jackson had already gone in, he couldn’t stop him. All I could do was nod my head.
In the coming days, Lacey and the brothers were kind to me. Lacey was the only female in the house and she set me up in a guest room, brought me my meals, and told me everything was going to be all right. I don’t know if I’d have survived those days without her. She was my anchor.
Even my own mother never showed me that much kindness.
On my third day in the house, I went out to the living room and sat by the window. It was the first time I’d left my room since Lacey had brought me to it.
She came in with Grant and they were obviously worried about me.
“We’ve got some news,” Grant said.
My heart skipped a beat.
“Jackson?” I said.
“It’s not Jackson. There’s no word of Jackson. It’s about Los Lobos.”
I thought I would throw up. The very mention of the name made my blood boil.
“What is it?” I said.
“Two Lobos are dead,” Grant said. “They announced the funerals this morning. It’s in all the Nevada newspapers.
“Is Wolf dead?”
“Yes,” Lacey said. “Wolf and one of the others.”
“Does that mean?” I didn’t dare finish the sentence.
“It means Jackson killed them,” Grant said.
“Could Jackson be alive?”
Grant shook his head.
Lacey came over to me. “If Jackson escaped, we’d have heard from him by now.”
“Maybe Los Lobos have him?”
“If they caught him, they’d have killed him, Faith.”
I nodded. I knew that was true. Lacey sat down with me and Grant got us coffee.
“How will I go on?” I said, more to myself than to them.
Lacey answered. “You’ll figure out a way, Faith. At least you have us.”
“How long can I impose on your hospitality?”
“Don’t speak like that,” Grant said, pouring the coffee and sitting to join us. “Jackson said to bring you here. You have a place with us for as long as you need it.”
“I can’t just hide away in your guest room and let depression overtake me,” I said.
“No,” Lacey said. “But you can let us help you start a new life. You’ve been through so much. Your ordeal with Wolf. Falling for Jackson and then losing him so soon after. It will take time, but life will go on.”