CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Stuart stopped by the food pantry on what would have been Ian’s thirty-third birthday. Kate was hiding in the back room again, this time under the pretense of doing inventory after experiencing a particularly intense and sudden crying jag, which she feared might recur at any moment. She was momentarily confused when she looked up from the cans she’d been rearranging and noticed him standing there.
“Hi,” he said. Stuart had once spent a considerable amount of time at the food pantry helping to unload food, build shelves, and carry in desks and office equipment. Whatever Kate had needed in the early days of the food pantry, Stuart had been there to lend a hand.
“Hi.”
He approached her slowly, as if she were a wounded animal that might strike out at him, and hugged her. Stuart might not have been the most stimulating man she’d ever known, but she’d once found safety and comfort in his arms and she found it again now.
“I was walking by and thought I’d stop in and see if you were okay. I ran into Paige and she told me you were dating that guy who crashed into the river, except she said his last name was Smith and I don’t really understand that. Anyway, I wanted to tell you I was sorry about what happened to him. If you ever want to get together, for a drink or dinner or whatever, just let me know, okay?”
“Thanks, Stuart. That’s really nice of you.”
Kate had wanted excitement. She had wanted an adventure.
But maybe safe was better.
Maybe safe wasn’t so boring after all.
He’d almost reached the door when Kate spoke. “Stuart? Maybe I’ll give you a call sometime.”
He smiled and said, “I would really like that.”
Kate went for a walk after she locked up the food pantry. She’d been doing that a lot lately because her apartment seemed too quiet and empty now that it was just her again. She set off toward the pedestrian walkway of the Stone Arch Bridge that spanned the Mississippi River below the St. Anthony Falls.
Once she reached the bridge, she pulled out her phone and listened to Ian’s voice mail message. “Hey, sweetness. Just left my place. I’ve been thinking about you all day. Be there soon. Love you.”
She knew that listening to his message so often wasn’t healthy.
She knew it was preventing her from starting the healing process.
She thought she might be losing her mind because of her attachment to it, and that scared her a little.
Instead of playing the message again, she chose the only contact in the phone and dialed. The call went to voice mail as she knew it would. His cell was either resting at the bottom of the river or had been carried downstream. Even if it had stayed in his pocket, it would have been damaged beyond repair, the corrosion starting immediately upon the phone making contact with the water.
Kate listened to the generic outgoing message that had come with the phone and began to speak after the beep. “Today is your birthday, and I’m having a really hard time. I miss you, Ian. I loved you so much, and I don’t know what to do. I listen to your voice mail message every day, multiple times. I listen to it at night when I’m lying in bed, and I cry because you’re not there. I found a note you left me, and I keep it in my pocket and I can’t stop touching it.”
She was crying hard, wedging the words in and around her sobs. A man walking his dog gave her a concerned look, but she ignored him.