The man who should have taught me all the things Nash did and protected me in all the ways Nash had.
It killed me that I wanted to commit him to my memory. But the heart wants what it wants and she could be a hypocritical bitch at times.
Regret blazed from his eyes. Green eyes like mine. “You’ve gotta understand, your mother and I weren’t in a good place when I left. I wanted to come back to see you kids, but I couldn’t. I had to fix myself before I did that. The trouble was, I never fixed myself.”
My eyes widened. “That would have to be the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. And a load of absolute bullshit. No one’s perfect.” I took a deep breath and added, “No, wait, there is such a thing as a perfect father, he’s the father that does stick around. Because even in his imperfect ways, he’s doing the one thing a man who has a child should do—he raises that child up and is there for it every step of the way regardless of the doubts he has.” I clung to Havoc as I tried to catch my breath and silently willed my father to leave.
“Carla—” he began but Havoc cut him off.
“She’s made her point and it’s pretty fuckin’ clear where she stands,” he snapped.
“Just go,” I said. “I’m never changing my mind.”
My father stood on the doorstep silently for a few moments, almost as if he still held hope I’d take everything back and welcome him inside. In the end, though, he shoved a piece of paper at me and left.
His phone number.
I crumpled the paper up.
But being the bitch she was, my heart didn’t allow me to throw it away.
* * *
“These are exactly what I was hoping for, Carla,” Jack said a few hours later as I showed him the dress designs I’d been working on. Havoc had gone home after dedicating more time to my boobs and I started work soon after. Thoughts of my father had consumed me and I’d been relieved when Jack arrived.
“Oh, thank God,” I said. “I mean, I love them but I had no idea if they would be what you’d love.”
“They’re fresh and I think they’re exactly what our market is looking for. Something new, you know?”
He’d asked me to design dresses that I’d love and thought the market wasn’t catering to. His praise gave me the confidence to show him some other designs I’d been playing around with.
“Can you give me a minute? I’ve got some more in my room that I want to show you.”
He nodded. “Sure, I’d love to see them.”
“I’ll be right back.”
It took me longer to retrieve the designs than I thought because Havoc had moved them the previous night and I couldn’t locate them. When I returned to the kitchen where Jack waited, I found him talking to Nash.
“Hey you,” I greeted Nash with a smile.
He gave me a chin lift. “Hey.” Jerking his thumb towards the designs I’d already shown Jack, he said, “These are good.”
Nash had always supported me in my studies and while he knew next to nothing about fashion, he’d watched as my skills improved over the years. He’d been there for me when frustration had set in while trying to master my talent. He knew what my work meant to me. We may have had countless arguments over the years, but he always had my back.
“Thank you,” I said as a smile spread across my face. “So you two have met?”
Jack nodded. “Yeah, Nash was just telling me how you used to put on fashion shows here and make your family sit through them.” He grinned as he recalled their conversation.
“Oh God, I’d forgotten about that.” My gaze met Nash’s and I found him watching me with that same thoughtful look he’d given me at the clubhouse recently.
Jack checked his watch. “I’ve got about five minutes until I have to leave for another meeting. Do you have those other designs?”
I handed them over. “These are a little different to what’s on the market at the moment so I’ll totally understand if you don’t love them or if you think they won’t sell—”
“Fuck, these are stunning,” he said, cutting me off. “The ones you showed me before were great, but these are just wow.” He looked up at me. “I’d love you to work on more of this line.”
My breathing slowed at his compliment and a giddy sensation spread through my body. Taking the designs back as he passed them to me, I said, “Okay, great, I’ll get onto that.”
He nodded and scooped his keys up off the table. “I’ll check in with you in a couple of days. Message me if you need anything in the meantime.”
After he left and the door had definitely closed behind him, I turned to Nash, threw my arms up in the air and squealed. “Holy fuck! He loves my shit!” This high would last for days.
Nash chuckled. “Yeah, I got that impression too.”
I took a moment and recovered my breathing. I then cocked my head to the side and asked, “How come you’re here?”