Nodding, she agreed. “Absolutely. Do you think Havoc can give you those things?”
“Yes.” My heart rate picked up as I contemplated a relationship with him. I could see it except for the fact he didn’t live in Brisbane. He didn’t live anywhere really. That would be a huge problem.
Oh, God.
Why did shit have to be complicated?
Which reminded me… “What are you going to do about Dad? I mean, are you going to let him back into your life?” I dreaded that she might say yes, but I had to know.
The look that flashed in her eyes revealed her inner conflict. Mum had always had a bleeding heart and a tendency to forgive too easily. “I think he’s sick.”
“So?” He’d never cared when we’d been sick. He’d never come back to check on us so why should him being sick make any difference to her decision.
“Carla, I let your father go in my mind many years ago. He’ll never own a place there again, but I worry for you kids. I want you all to make peace with the hurt he inflicted. Closing yourself off from that pain and not allowing it to wash out of you will only eat you up for the rest of your life.”
My chest tightened at the thought of what she was suggesting. “Are you saying we should forgive him?”
“Forgiveness is for you, not him.” Her eyes and her voice pleaded with me to agree, but I never would.
Pushing my chair back, I said, “I don’t need to forgive him. What I need is for him to go away and never come back.” I fumed as I headed for my bedroom.
Not at my mother but at my father.
No fucking way would I ever meet him.
* * *
An hour later, I gave up trying to get some sleep. I was exhausted after the long ride home, but my mind wouldn’t switch off.
And I missed Havoc.
I pulled out my phone.
Me: I miss your cock.
He came straight back.
Havoc: It misses you.
Me: I think we should give him what he wants.
Havoc: I’m tied up for the next few hours but after that he’s all yours.
Me: Is your dad okay?
Havoc: Not sure yet. Doctor is coming over soon.
Me: I hope it’s good news. I’ll talk to you after.
Havoc: I’ll call you later, babe.
Damn. Now I was horny as hell.
With no promise of sleep and hours before Havoc would be free, I decided to see if Velvet could fit me in for a facial. I’d never been to her work before, but she’d given me facials at home and they always relaxed me.
I phoned her and was lucky—she’d had a cancellation and could squeeze me in.
Perfect.
Girl time was just what I needed.
* * *
“You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?” Velvet said after I’d answered all her questions about my trip away with Havoc. She’d finished my facial and we were passing the time until her next appointment. The salon where she worked wasn’t busy that day so we had plenty of time to catch up.
“Yes. And Nash is ready to kill him, I think.”
“There should be no I think in that sentence. He is ready to kill him. But only because he’s convinced Havoc is dangerous.”
“Velvet, he’s not dangerous to me. He’s got a side to him that I don’t think he shows many people. I just wish Nash would trust me on this.”
“It’s not you he doesn’t trust, Carla. How do you know he wouldn’t be violent towards you? From everything Nash has said, Havoc could just snap and lose it.”
I leant forward so I could drop my voice. “I don’t want to go into detail, but I kinda asked him to do stuff when we were having sex and he refused. He told me he’d never do anything like that to a woman. He’s a good man, Vi.”
“Jesus, what kind of stuff?”
“I asked him to hurt me. Pain gets me off sometimes, but he wanted nothing to do with it.”
While she was processing what I’d said, the front door to the salon opened and Madison entered. I’d met her a few times through Nash and liked her. She was married to Jason Reilly, one of the Storm men and was the daughter of the club president. She saw us and smiled before talking with Roxie, the hairdresser who owned the place. A moment later, they both joined us.
“Hey, Carla, how’s things?” Madison greeted me as she dumped her huge handbag on the floor and sat down in the chair next to mine.
“I’m doing okay. How are you?”
Roxie cut in, “Ask her about her biker dude.” She’d listened to everything Velvet and I had been discussing about Havoc and had a few things to say. Seemed she wasn’t a huge fan of the Storm men and their bossy ways.
Madison’s eyes widened. “Which biker are we talking about? Tell me everything.”
I threw Roxie a glare. I really liked her, but I could have done without this conversation. God knew what Madison thought of Havoc and I really didn’t want to hear it.
“Havoc Caldwell,” I replied.
She whistled. “Wow, is he back in town? I haven’t seen Havoc for years. He’d left town by the time I came back. I was sad to hear about his mum dying and also about all the shit that went down with his ex.”