Hate To Love You

Kristina and Casey had become two of my best friends here. I never would’ve imagined it from the first day of college. I was thankful.

Casey returned a few minutes later out of breath and in a rush. She was flying around the room getting ready, and it was fifteen minutes later when the other two girls came back.

“Okay.” Casey appeared from the bedroom, her chest heaving. She spread her arms out and did a circle. “How do I look?”

Skin-tight jeans, a low-cut tank top, and a small, sequined purse hung from her arm. Her hair looked flawless, but this was typical Casey.

Kristina and I shared a look.

“Man.” I shook my head. “Are you sure you want to leave like that? I mean, does Linde like messy hair in the back?”

“What?” Her eyes got wide, and her hand clamped on to the back of her hair. “No, no, no . . .” Her eyes narrowed at me, then at Kristina who was trying not to laugh, and she dropped her hand. “You fuckers! You can’t mess with me like that.”

She surged to me and hit my arm.

I backed away, laughing. “You make it so easy. You always look amazing.”

One of the other girls nodded. “You could wear a Santa Claus suit and make it look sexy.”

“See.” I jerked a thumb toward the girl. “You have nothing to worry about, and if you’re dressing up for Linde, he doesn’t care about that stuff.”

“I know.” She dipped her head down, adjusting her purse. “This year’s been hard. You know. Your brother rejected me, and Linde seems nice, but you never know.”

I frowned. “My brother’s a shithead.”

Sarah’s snores rose to a new volume.

Kristina said to me, “Should we leave her?”

“Nope. Hold on.”

Casey went into motion. She grabbed towels, putting one under Sarah’s head, then another that hung down from the couch to the floor. She positioned Sarah so she was on her side, her mouth hanging open and pulled to the edge. A garbage bin was placed underneath her with a fresh new bag inside. A glass of water was placed a few inches away from the bin. Two painkillers were next to that.

A note was left under Sarah’s phone, telling her where we were and a list of numbers to call if she needed something.

I thought we were ready to go, but Casey held up one finger. “One more minute.”

She zipped out to the hallway and was back in a few minutes. “Okay.” She grabbed her keys and phone. Her purse was still hanging from her shoulder. “I’m ready to go.”

“You sure?” Kristina asked, but the other two girls were already in the hallway.

I grabbed my backpack, and a hair tie to pull my hair up.

“Yep.” Casey backed up, saying, “The RA will check on Sarah. She knows she’s in there. Sarah’s sick.” Casey winked at us.

Kristina locked the door and then looked at me. “You sure you don’t want a ride to the library?”

I had been considering it. “Nah. It isn’t far. Plus, if Shay is walking here, I’ll intercept him then.”

“Okay. Call if you need anything.” Kristina waved, so did Casey. The other two did as well, but they had an extra bounce to their step. I knew they were more excited to hang out at the Football House.

They left through the back door, and I headed in the opposite direction.





There was something about walking alone at night.

The campus dorms were lit up, and there were people hanging out in the entryways. As I left my dorm and passed a few others on the way toward the library, I heard their laughter, their conversation, and I felt how peaceful they seemed.

It plays a trick on the mind sometimes.

When you thought you were safe, when you thought you could walk among buildings at night, and you thought you’re alone. There was a beauty around you when a person did that, but it could be shattered at any moment. The bubble I used to have where I thought I was safe, where I never even considered that I could be attacked—that was gone.

I knew there was bad in people.

I came to college assuming the worst. I wanted a few loyal friends. That’d been the rule and my goal. The other rule had been no drama. The third was a new me. I’d been so bound and determined to fulfill all of those.

This year destroyed every single rule.

Shay broke them, and just thinking of him brought a wistful smile to my lips. Anyone who was watching me probably thought I was high, but it wasn’t that.

All the shit that happened to me, I came out stronger.

I thought I’d been strong in the beginning, but I wasn’t. It was nothing compared to how I felt now.

I was almost attacked a second time, and in a place that was considered close to my home. My dorm was supposed to be home. It happened in the hallway just outside of it, but I had been safe. Phoebe hadn’t been like the first time where they gave me no warning. Two guys and they had to strike from the back. She came at me from the front. She gave me warning. She told me why she was going to hurt me.

I shivered, wondering what her ultimate goal had been.

But it didn’t matter, because it hadn’t happened.

She was away.

I would do everything possible to keep her away, too.

But I wasn’t going to let her take away my joy of being a college student.

I would live in my dorm. I would sleep in my bed. I would be with my boyfriend, and not constantly look over my shoulder. I would walk on this damn campus and my fear would not rule me. It would not dictate what I wanted to do, and if I goddamn wanted to walk to the library at eight-thirty at night, I goddamn would.

I cut through the food court building and where the post office boxes were. I was just leaving that, with the library being the next building, when I heard the two beeps signifying someone was just locking their car.

There was a parking lot tucked in the corner between the two buildings. It was there for workers, and some students got special permits to park there, too. Mainly off-campus students who wanted the closest parking lot to the library. I knew Shay had a permit there, and I was already turning my head to see if his Jeep was there.

That was when I saw him, and a bolt of panic jolted me.

I stopped in my tracks, my little pep talk and the short-term benefits I’d felt shriveled up. They fell at my feet. I could almost imagine them there, and I could kick them away because that’s how I felt.

My knees locked.

It was Cameron.

He was walking toward me, his head down. His broad shoulders were slouched down, but they were tense. He had on a button-down shirt, the ends pulled out from his khaki pants. His hair was mussed, as if he’d come from a long day at the office or an event.

I couldn’t move.

Someone was screaming at me to move in the back of my mind, but she wasn’t loud enough for my body to take action.

The fear was back. It was pooling in the bottom of my gut.

I was an unwilling participant to watching this train wreck happen. I was even watching myself, and in slow motion, his head came up. There were bags under his eyes. He held keys in his hands, and he threw them up, his hand absent-mindedly snatching out of the air before tossing them again.