Hate To Love You

We won seventeen to ten.

The opposing team got a field goal in, hence the last three points, and when that happened, our side acted as if we’d been punched in the balls. Even the girls winced. Sure, the other team’s offense was finally picking up, getting some drive into their runs, but it was the end of the game. The clock ran out, and it didn’t matter. A cheer went up after that, and a bunch of guys sitting near me proclaimed “GOTTA GET DRUNK NOW!” That warranted its own set of cheers.

I was walking down the path toward the parking lot. A lot of others, like parents and little children, were heading out at the same time. Some other students, the quieter, more reserved and sane ones, were in my mix as well. I spotted Kristina lingering on the edge of Casey, Laura, Sarah, and now my brother’s group. They formed a circle, and some of the other guys were joining them. There was a whole ton of students staying back, no doubt making plans for the after-game drinking. That was what Gage usually did. Aby and Becs (now Becca) were standing with their own clique, too, and some guys.

“Clarke.” A sweaty and heavy arm came down around my shoulders.

I tensed, but it was Linde. “Congrats on the big win.” I punched his shoulder in a manly and macho way.

He laughed, and his arm fell back to his side. I looked around. We were getting a few looks, but it was Linde. I was okay being known as his friend. I asked, “We’re doing the library tomorrow?”

“That’s what I was going to tell you. Shay was supposed to mention it, but he said he forgot.” He continued walking beside me, his helmet swinging by his side. “I had another favor to ask of you.”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Shay said you might know the girl who was raped.” He glanced over his shoulder, back to the football field.

I hadn’t been thinking about it, but it hit me then. “That guy’s a football player.” Casey was here and talking with my brother and looking as normal as ever. Well, not really. She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt. That wasn’t normal Casey wardrobe. A tight tank top was, but everything else was normal for her.

“He got suspended. They didn’t even let him suit up.”

“Really?”

“A bunch of us came forward and told Coach. They don’t mess around, especially if there’s a court case or media. Listen, the favor I wanted to ask you.” He stopped. People began to stream around us. “You know the girl?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

He shifted his helmet to his other hand, then back again. “Um. You heard in class that day, about my sister.”

“I remember.”

“Do girls know about your friend? I mean, the guys know, but guys don’t say that stuff to girls.”

“Oh.” He was asking about rumors? “Are you asking if it’s been spread around, because if you are, you’re asking the wrong person. I talk to you, a few others, and that’s it. I’m the furthest from ‘in the know.’”

“She hasn’t said anything?”

“I said something to her, just so she knew I was there if she wanted, but that was it. I haven’t pushed her to do anything.” I began scratching at the top of my arm, half-covering my body. “She’s here. She seems kinda normal, but I don’t know the process for that stuff.”

“She’s not.”

“What?”

That word came out clipped and almost harsh. He softened it this time. “She isn’t okay. My sister did the same.”

“Yeah?”

“She didn’t want to accept what happened to her, so she pretended it didn’t. But it did, and it ate at her on the inside. Your friend, whether she says something or not, can’t lie to herself. If she’s here and she’s acting normal, she’s not.”

“What can I do? Besides just be there for her, I mean. I can’t make her say anything.”

“I know, but just be there for her. Often. Keep a watchful eye out. You know what I mean?”

I thought so. I looked past his shoulder to where their group was starting to venture our way. Gage wasn’t with them anymore, and I frowned. I scanned the rest of the crowd, but couldn’t see him.

“That’s weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head.

“What?”

“Oh. Just.” I waved it off. It really wasn’t a big deal. “It’s nothing. My brother was with me today, and he went and sat with her. He knows. He’s the one who told me.”

“Why would he do that? Why would he sit with her?”

“What?” I was still looking for Gage, but Linde’s sharpness caught me off guard. I focused on him again, fully. “My brother just wants to help. He was worried I’d been with her, that I could’ve been a target, too.”

“Some girls don’t deal with it the right way. Some girls cling to the nice guy who comes next in line, and they think that’s going to wash away the shit they’re feeling inside. It never works. Tell him to back off her. She needs good female friends, that’s it. Family, too, if they’re good to her.”

I hadn’t thought of that, but it made sense. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

Casey saw us talking, and a small frown tugged at her lips. Her eyes clouded, and she slowed to a snail’s pace. Kristina and the others noticed and started glancing back at her, also wearing frowns.

Casey’s gaze drifted to Linde and then back to me. A question formed there.

“Go,” I said it softly and reached out for Linde. I pushed him, the slightest of touches. “She’ll know we’re talking about her.”

The football team was completely gone. Linde was the last, and he was gaining more attention. I didn’t care about me this time, I was worried about how Casey would take it. She knew my brother knew, and she knew someone else knew, but it was starting to sound like the rumor was circulating among the guys. I didn’t know the protocol—if guys freely shared when one of their own assaulted someone or if it was even like that. But I knew it wasn’t normal for guys to come forward against one of their own, especially a football player. That was good. If I knew anything, I knew that much. If Casey did come out, she’d be believed.

Or I hoped she would.

Kristina and the others were almost to me, and when they started to show signs of slowing to talk, Casey spoke up, “Can you guys give us a minute?”

Kristina frowned, all of them did, but they kept on ahead.

She waited till they were far enough away not to overhear. “Is that the guy?”

My eyes widened. “What?”

“You said a guy knew, not your brother, but someone else.”

“Oh.” My mind was racing. What was the right play here? “No, he isn’t that guy.”

“Oh.” Air left her, and her shoulders relaxed.

“But he knows.”

Those shoulders tightened up. “What?” She visibly swallowed. I saw her throat moving.

“My brother knew. He called me. I called a different frie—someone else.”

“Had he heard?” Her eyes were so wide, so frightened. She seemed to shrink before me, looking like a frightened little girl.

Okay. I had to go with complete honesty. That was what I would want. Honest, but kind. “He hadn’t when I’d spoken to him.”

She closed her eyes, bracing herself.

“But he had by the time I saw him before class Friday morning.”