I watched him put on his leather cut and it was so hot. He was a giant to me. A monster. My monster. The years of being an outlaw had been kind to his body, even if he had taken beatings, been shot and stabbed. His ink covered the scar from that first time he was shot. Right after our first time together. My first time ever.
That seemed to be our trend.
For everything good, something bad happened.
I didn’t want to live my life like that or think of life that way, but it was a pattern with me and Knox.
He pointed to the bags on the floor and asked, “Still leaving?”
“I guess not,” I said. “Knox… what do I do about Porter?”
“That’s my problem,” he said. He touched my face. “I let this happen and I’m going to make sure it never happens again.”
“Knox…”
“Darlin’,” he said and grinned. “Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do. I’ve always trusted you.”
“Then I’m going to fix this,” he said. “I’m going to ask this and only once. You know I’d never hurt you. Do you love him?”
“No,” I said.
“Then… why?”
I backed up. “Comfort. It was all I had, okay? You’re not going to like it, Knox, but the only thing that left me feeling okay was when someone did stuff to me. I’m not a whore, but the feeling…”
Knox nodded and grabbed my hand. “I get it, darlin’. Anyone I was ever with I thought about you.”
“Me too. About you.”
“Then we have nothing to worry about. I’ve got my boys by my side, Ana. The Reap is fine. We’re strong. We’re everything in this town. We’ve been running deals for years and nobody has known a thing. Now we’re taking the streets, wearing our cuts. Porter and his family have no choice but to respect territory or else there’ll be a war. And between me and him, it’s personal. He’s going to pay for what he did to you.”
Knox pulled me in for a kiss and I realized it was a goodbye type of kiss.
I was filled with fear and anger.
“Are you leaving?” I asked.
“I have to go do something,” he said.
“I need to go with you,” I said.
“No, you don’t. What you need to do is stay here. And when Porter comes around you need to give me a call.”
I started to shake my head. Things were really going to be like that so soon? I wanted to slap Knox. But how could I? He hadn’t lied to me. He hadn’t hurt me. This was his life. It was the life of an outlaw. To come and go as he needed. It was like before when I’d sit in my room and stared into Knox’s window, waiting for him to come back.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m going to fix it all.”
“I know,” I said. “I believe you. I just hate this. All of this.”
“So do I. After my old man was sent to prison, the entire club changed. My uncle gave everyone a chance to hand in their cuts and move on. The club took a big hit. I kept it together and had to get approval from Uncle Jakey for everything I did. No more of that shit. If you want to know where I’m going… I’m going to prison.”
I gasped. “What?”
He started to laugh. “I’m going to talk to my old man.”
“Asshole,” I said. My heart was pounding.
“See? That’s how much you love me.”
“Like you need more proof,” I said.
He slipped his arms around me and pulled me close for a hug. When I shut my eyes and smelled his leather cut, I was taken back years. To a time when I never knew when we’d have our last hug. The same feeling went through me then.
I then looked at the leather cut, trying hard to appreciate what it meant to him and to the town and to all of his boys. They grew up on the street, survived, and always stuck together.
Knox took my face into both of his big hands and he kissed me. It was a really good kiss. It turned me on again, no surprise there.
When he stepped back, he grabbed my hand again. We went at arm’s length and then he let me go.
“I’ll be in touch, darlin’,” he said. “I promise.”
He opened the door.
Before he could slip away, I said, “Knox…”
He looked back. “Yeah?”
“I love you. I swear on it. I’ve always loved you.”
“I know,” he said. “You’re my darlin’. You’ve always been. I love you.”
He shut the door and was gone.
I felt empty and I felt alone.
Knox was back and I really did believe it was for good. That’s what scared me the most. Because when me and him were together, it wasn’t an explosion of romance. It was wild lust, a deep romance, and hard realities.
Inside my heart… I knew someone was going to end up dead.
What I didn’t expect was that I was going to get pregnant.
chapter eighteen
(knox)
NOW
At the garage, I kicked open the door to the chapel and smiled big.
“Amen, motherfuckers,” I said.