I stood for a long while and looked at the house. It was a private place. I did not want to get closer; I didn’t want to intrude on the person who lived there. But I saw that the trees had grown, that the barn was now a garage. The well would still be there. And then I heard a chipping, scraping noise, and froze. Behind a bush in the garden was a flash of white; a shirt. There was a man kneeling in the garden, bowed over the ground. Was he planting something? Weeding? Praying? I was far away. I could see his shoulders, but not his face, nor anything of him but his concentration. I shivered, because for a moment the man had been White, planting out his beloved geraniums. The feeling that White was haunting me had returned. I wondered if I should go and speak to this man. I could. I could talk to him. He wasn’t White, I knew, but there were people here who had known him still, and I could talk to them. The farmhouse was still there, and behind it the ponds where Gos had bathed and White had fished. Perhaps the same carp swam in them. I could find out more about him, make him alive again, chase down the memories here. For a moment that old desire to cross over and bring someone back flared up as bright as flame.
But then I put that thought aside. I put it down, and the relief was immense, as if I had dragged a half-tonne weight from myself and cast it by the grassy road. White is gone. The hawk has flown. Respect the living, honour the dead. Leave them be. I saluted the man, though he could not see me. It was a silly, wobbly salute, and even as I did it I felt foolish. And then I turned and walked away. I left the man who was not a ghost, and I walked south. Over the bright horizon the sky swam like water.
Notes
Place of publication London unless otherwise stated.
1: Patience
1 Travelling Sands – John Evelyn, Memoirs of John Evelyn, ed. William Bray, Henry Colburn, 1827, vol. 2, p. 433.
2 There are divers Sorts – Richard Blome, Hawking or Faulconry, The Cresset Press, 1929 (originally published as part of The Gentlemen’s Recreation, 1686), pp. 28–9.
3: Small worlds
1 No matter how tame and loveable – Frank Illingworth, Falcons and Falconry, Blandford Press Ltd, p. 76.
2 She is noble in her nature – Gilbert Blaine, Falconry, Philip Allan, 1936, pp. 229–30.
3 Among the cultured peoples – ibid, p. 11.
4 Do not house your graceless austringers – Gace de la Bigne, quoted in John Cummins, The Hound and the Hawk, Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 1988, p. 221.
5 One cannot feel for a goshawk – Gilbert Blaine, Falconry, Philip Allan, 1936, p. 182.
6 Bloodthirsty . . . Vile – Major Charles Hawkins Fisher, Reminiscences of a Falconer, John Nimmo, 1901, p. 17.
7 When I first saw him – T. H. White, The Goshawk, Jonathan Cape, 1951, p. 11 (hereafter The Goshawk).
8 The Goshawk is the story – Back cover text, T. H. White, The Goshawk, Penguin Classics, 1979.
9 For those with an interest – Anonymous, review of The Goshawk, The Falconer, Vol. II, No. 5, 1952, p. 30.
10 would be about the efforts – The Goshawk, p. 27.
4: Mr White
1 1) Necessity of excelling – T. H. White, unpublished manuscript notebook ‘ETC’, Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas at Austin.
2 Bennet is the name . . . like a wagtail in the streets – Letter from T. H. White to L. Potts, 18 January 1936, in T. H. White, Letters to a Friend: The Correspondence between T. H. White and L. J. Potts, ed. Fran?ois Gallix, Alan Sutton, 1984, pp. 62–3.
3 Because I am afraid of things – T. H. White, England Have My Bones, Collins, 1936, p. 80 (hereafter England Have My Bones).
4 I am told that my father – T. H. White, quoted in Sylvia Townsend Warner, T. H. White: A Biography, Jonathan Cape 1967, p. 27.
5 I pounce upon a bird – T. H. White, unpublished manuscript notebook ‘ETC’, Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas at Austin.
6 You will be sympathetic – Sylvia Townsend Warner, unpublished manuscript of interview by Fran?ois Gallix, 28 March 1974, Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas at Austin, p. 1.
7 His sewing basket – Sylvia Townsend Warner to William Maxwell, 22 July 1967, in The Elements of Lavishness: Letters of Sylvia Townsend Warner and William Maxwell 1938–1978, ed. Michael Steinmann, Counterpoint, New York, 2001, p. 179.
8 A magpie flies like a frying pan – T. H. White, entry for 7 April 1939 in unpublished manuscript ‘Journal 1938–1939’, Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas at Austin.
9 There is a sense of creation – T. H. White, England Have My Bones, p. 59.
10 Falling in love – ibid, p. 31.
11 He was an extremely tender-hearted – David Garnett, The White/Garnett Letters, ed. David Garnett, The Viking Press, New York, 1968, p. 8.
12 The safest way to avoid trouble – Henry Green, Pack My Bag: A Self-Portrait, Vintage, 2000 (first published 1940), p. 58.
13 is one of the best parlour games – T. H. White, letter to Leonard Potts, 2 February 1931, in T. H. White: Letters to a Friend, p. 15.
14 Can one wear topper – T. H. White, unpublished letter to Ronald McNair Scott, 2 November 1931, Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas at Austin.
15 I believe I did not misbehave – T. H. White, unpublished manuscript ‘Hunting Journal 1931–1933’, Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas at Austin.
16 concealed its individuality – England Have My Bones, p. 15.
17 almost always fatal . . . choke them like ivy – England Have My Bones, p. 120.
18 Independence – a state – England Have My Bones, p. 105.
19 train them to place no reliance . . . more food – ibid, p. 121.
20 it was impossible to impose – ibid, p. 107.
21 All through his life – T. H. White, The Once and Future King, G.P. Putnam’s Sons, New York, 1958, p. 327.