Now the wind cutting across my black beak is screaming for mercy.
I flap my leathery wings like a maniac. I zoom past the Lava Pools and see naked cadets laughing and horsing around and splashing each other and shooting lava out their nostrils and using their tails to throw lavaballs. On any other day I would stop for a good soak. Because there’s nothing to boost your CORE FLAME TEMP and your MATING MAGNETISM and your overall WILL TO POWER like submerging your scaly green ass in a lava pool and holding your breath for an hour or so.
Well according to Dr. Terrible, the only other thing that’s better than lava baths for boosting your WTP is swordupuncture.
And Dr. Terrible would always make a point to say, “And when it comes to swordupuncture, I’m talking about someone who really knows how to use a blade. Not one of these bozos they got on the mainland who just because they took a fencing class, now they think they can call themselves a swordupuncturist!”
Out at the Institute, my scaly grandpa promised me that if he wasn’t able to cure my WILL TO POWER before the EggHarvest, then he’d introduce me to his personal swordupuncturist. This chick he was forever raving about, named Metheldra. But since we aren’t on speaking terms anymore, and because he’s gone and vanished, well I guess there’s no chance of that happening. Though what I wouldn’t give right now for a session with Metheldra the swordupuncturist. Dr. Terrible promised me that after one session with this dragon chick Metheldra my THRASH OPTIMIZATION score and my MATING MAGNETISM score and my STRATEGIC DESTRUCTION COMBAT READINESS score would skyrocket and that my horns would grow as a result.
A legit swordupuncture session would definitely hit the spot right about now. I guess I’m starting to feel a little desperate and all.
But then I tell myself to stop getting so downhearted about the fact that there won’t be any swordupuncturist rescuing my scaly green ass today. And so I better just focus on the things that I can control.
Thwack-thwack.
Now I flap my wings and swerve and bank and hook a sharp left down a dark fiery corridor. I keep casting my snout back and forth, hoping to catch a whiff of Runcita’s juicy scent.
Where is my Queen?
I fly by the Firing Range, where dragons are squatting at their posts and shooting their tongues fifty yards downrange and trying to impale or lasso the furry humanoid creatures scurrying around in the Target Zone.
Thwack-thwack.
There are dozens of fiendish nasties whizzing off to my left and my right and there are deranged cadets zooming straight at me, flying in the opposite direction. The cadets’ flight patterns are so jerky and hyper that you have to keep a close eye on everything going on around you there in the air, or you can easily wind up as a dead splat on the wall.
I fly by the Egg Hatchery and see Professor Pruck lecturing a group of female cadets on caring for their eggs. And ways to fend off the father dragon who typically will try to eat his mate’s eggs when she’s not looking. Now Professor Pruck appears to be demonstrating an extreme combat maneuver that involves slicing the neck with her powerstaff. And I know it’s not uncommon for a female dragon to kill and eat kill her mate if she catches him trying to scarf her eggs.
Thwack-thwack.
But my Queen-to-Be, Runcita, is nowhere to be found and I start to panic because it feels like I’m running out of time. The dark fiery corridor is now overflowing with flying cadets and I’m busy trying to keep from getting knocked unconscious by all the leathery wings beating around my scaly green head. Seems like no matter which way I turn, somebody’s nasty toe claw is dangling right in front of my face.
Then I whip out my powerstaff and tap the screen and pull up something I’d really hoped I wouldn’t be forced to use. Something to help me close the deal on my Queen Quest. Just a little something to tilt the odds in my favor. The extra edge I need.
So I can get on with the business of having Runcita lay my eggs.
The wind blasting across my beak makes a whistling noise.
It’s definitely time to use my Secret Weapon.
Now as I shoot down the dark corridor I feel cadets knocking into me and dinging me and of course none of them say excuse me or sorry. Because here at WarWings it’s illegal to apologize, and any dragon caught using the S-word is instantly sentenced to death by firestream. Per Dean Floop’s orders.
Thwack-thwack.
Now as to my Secret Weapon. The device which will enable me to move on to the real business of the day.
The nanotracker. Now don’t judge my scaly green ass when you hear this, but last night I stuck this nanotracker on Runcita’s left wingjoint while she was asleep in her lair.
Now before you go jumping to conclusions, let me make it clear I didn’t personally sneak in and stick this tracking device on Runcita’s left wingjoint while she slumbered in her lair.
I mean, what kind of monster do you take me for, anyway?
No, what I did was I used one of my tiny little micro-drones to delicately fasten the tracking device onto Runcita’s left wingjoint while she was asleep in her lair. I felt really bad and guilty about doing it, if you want to know the truth. That’s why I called it my Secret Weapon.
Now as I fly along in the dark fiery corridor I hold the powerstaff screen out in front of me and see the entire WarWings campus laid out on the screen. And then I see it.
The blinking red dot that’s Runcita.
Yes! It’s working! Holy crap. I can see Runcita right now on the screen. God I feel a little guilty about this. Using a tracking device and all. But hey, not so guilty that I’m not going to use it.
The tracker is alive and well. Thank goodness for my micro-drone. Let me come right out and say it: a micro-drone is the best friend a dragon could ever hope to have.
Now I tap the screen with my index claw to triangulate Runcita’s location and watch the blinking dot as it processes all the data.
Then Runcita’s location shows up on the screen in big block letters: COLISEUM OF HEROES.
Ah, so that’s where my little Queen is hiding! The Coliseum of Heroes. Hold tight, my dearest Runcita. I am on my way! It won’t be long now!