But unfortunately there is one very key piece of information I’ve failed to take into consideration during the proceedings so far. Which is the fact that Rexro is a renowned maniac of the nightmare variety.
Because before taking over as Chief of Security at WarWings, Rexro served as a mercenary for Wastuka the Hundred-Headed Warlord during his famous bloody intergalactic conquering campaign in the 249th dimension. Now if you’re sitting there wondering what the heck am I jabbering on about with this whole 249th dimension bullshaka, because everyone knows there’s no such thing as the 249th dimension, well that’s my whole point. Those sick fools didn’t just conquer the 249th, they destroyed it.
Suddenly I hear an insanely loud roar explode from within that fiery cage. And this roar is so powerful that it instantly sends flametongues and blacksmoke geysers and sparks exploding straight up into the sky. And then in a flash I realize what this scaly bastard Rexro has just done, which is really kind of ingenious when you think about it. Because he’s used the mega force of his roar to blast the flaming roof right off the cage so that now he has an avenue of escape.
And then with another mighty roar, Rexro the dragon pops out of the top of the fiery cage like a champagne cork. It’s really something to see, the way he leaps up out of those flames so that he’s now maybe forty feet high in the air.
But here’s the part that really gets my attention.
After this demented dragon is clear of the fiery cage and up there in midair he unfurls his huge leathery wings and he flaps them twice—thwack-thwack—and with that he is suddenly flying toward me at what seems like supersonic speed.
[ 9 ]
HERE COMES REXRO
I have no idea why I don’t just fly out of here while I have the chance.
It would be so simple to unfurl my wings and soar off into the sky. I mean considering the circumstances, you’d figure this was a no-brainer. Of course part of it is my desire to get to Runcita ASAP and offer her my crown. And teleportation definitely offers the quickest and most direct route to my luscious Queen-to-Be.
But as I stand there I’m thinking:
Get out while you’re ahead!
I raise the silver canister and quickly spritz my horns with GrowGrow? gel. And then without really knowing why I’m doing it, I squirt flamestreams out my nostrils and start singing a WILL TO POWER poem:
“Hey Weak Sauce, when it looks like an older dragon
is going to rip your scaly green head off well don’t just squat there like an idiot and cough!
Flap your wings
and take to the air
and don’t waste no time
getting the heck outta there!
Because sometimes it’s best
to live to blast fire another day so with your absence
is how you make your enemy pay!
OK?”
As soon as I finish singing, I remember.
The CTD-2000.
The Cranial Telecaster Device strikes again. And when I finish belting out Dr. Terrible’s poem there on the Zap Pad, I feel the effects surging through my central nervous system and jacking me up with WTP. The title of this poem is “Just Because You Flee, That Doesn’t Make You a Flea.”
My nostrils flare.
Live to blast fire another day. Roger that.
Meanwhile I’ve forgotten where that poem comes from, but there’s a mild tingling sensation which I know is from my neural pathways being cauterized.
Then I look at Rexro up there in the air and immediately start coughing like crazy. Because here’s one thing I know for sure about myself this morning as Rexro is hurtling right at me in full nightmare mode: Oh dear God my big fragile heart is in serious danger of quitting on me.
I think I’m going to faint.
But I’m also thinking:
This psycho Rexro won’t bother ripping off your tail like he threatened earlier! Because he’s going to rip off your head! And your head won’t ever grow back!
Now as if to confirm that I’m right, I quickly glance behind me and sure enough all the fiendish cadets gathered around have their powerstaffs out and they are pointing them at my scaly green ass because they’re capturing everything that’s happening on their holovid recorders. Soon I’ll be headless and my legacy for all time will be a short violent holovid clip that these dragons send to their pals for a quick laugh.
I whirl back around and see that Rexro with his wings spread wide is now only maybe twenty yards away from me. His eyes are blazing red. But as I squat out here on the teleportation pad and watch Rexro cut down the distance that separates us at speeds I personally can’t even fathom, I hear someone shout my name.
“Gork!”
At first I think I’m imagining it, but then I hear someone shout my name again.
“Gork! Up here! Gork! Gork!”
I look up and I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
It is Fribby.
That silver robot is soaring about thirty yards above the flaming Safety Cage and she has her chrome-flex wings spread wide and framed against the morning sky. She looks nothing short of glorious.
Fribby shouts, “Gork, get ready!” Now she drops her silver scaly head and wings and aims right for the burning Safety Cage, swooping down at it like she’s in full kamikaze mode. She shouts, “I’m going in! Hold tight!”
For a brief second I catch a glimpse of the robot diving straight down into the blazing cage.
But unfortunately at this same moment out of the corner of my eye I see a green blur flashing toward me and it’s that tyrant Rexro. And as he flies right at me I feel like I can almost reach out and touch him and I hear him growling and I can see his fangs sparkling and I see his deranged red eyes blooming in their sockets like blood flowers.
And even though I know it’s hopeless I prepare to meet Rexro’s onslaught with my own attack. And so I instantly unfurl my leathery wings and raise my scaly green tail in a Threat Display and bare my fangs and growl a beakful of flames and snort blacksmoke out my nostrils so as to strike the most scarifying pose possible.
But of course it doesn’t matter. Because in another instant I’ll be nothing but a bloodstain in the lava pits.
And over Rexro’s scaly green shoulder I can just see the flaming cage and then his wing swoops down on me and cuts off my view. If only the robot had been a few seconds earlier, then maybe she could’ve saved me from getting killed.
And as I feel Rexro’s fiery breath on my long neck, I think to myself: Thanks for trying, Fribby. I know your intentions were so pure and true. I hope you will not soon forget me!
It seems that you were right after all in your whole obsession with death. I really should’ve thought more about it! You were right, Fribby! You were right all along!
Then at this very moment my thoughts are interrupted by a bright yellow light exploding up under my webbed feet.
[ 10 ]
POOF
Poof.
I materialize crouched on my haunches here in WarWings’ Main Building, right in front of Runcita’s locker.