Someone yells my name.
I look around but I don’t want to see who it is. People run past me. I look back at Gloria and the Other Ginny to see what they’ll do next. I don’t see them at first but when I finally find them Gloria puts her finger in front of her lips. That means she wants me to be quiet. She did that once when Donald came out of the bathroom yelling bad words. I was behind the couch and when Gloria saw me she put her finger in front of her mouth so I was quiet and she started yelling and then Donald beat the hell out of her instead of me and then—
“Ginny!” someone else yells again and before I see who it is I get knocked over. By Brenda Richardson and some people I don’t know. There are lots of sneakers and legs and arms on top of me and I try to push them away but I can’t. Finally they get off and I roll over and fix my glasses and stand and try to see where Gloria is. I see her again. I start to put my hand up to wave but then I clamp it over my mouth instead.
“Ginny?” says Coach Dan. I don’t see him but when I turn around there he is. “Are you all right?” he says.
I nod my head yes. When I look back up into the stands I see that Gloria and the Other Ginny are walking down the bleachers toward the floor.
“Ginny, why don’t you take a break?” says Coach Dan. “Go have a seat on the bench. We’ll put you in a little later when you’re feeling better. Have some water and maybe go to the bathroom.”
The bathroom. That is where Gloria is going, I’m guessing. She is going to the bathroom because that is where she used to meet me when we were in a supermarket or a store or a place where she had to talk with her dealer. If you lose track of me, go to the bathroom, she used to say. She wants me to go there now, I’m guessing. I will go see her. I will ask her where my Baby Doll is. I will tell her she has to feed it more because it’s losing weight. If it’s out in the parking lot I’ll run out there and take it.
I make my hands into tight, tight fists. I have to be strong.
There are a lot of people walking around in the gym. I walk between them and around them and I am not going in a straight line but I will be okay because my brain remembers where it is bringing me.
When I get to the bathroom I go right in. I see four white sinks and six green bathroom stalls and some ladies who I don’t know. I don’t see Gloria or the Other Ginny. I look and I look but they are not here. So I leave the bathroom and walk back out into the hallway and someone says my name.
I look. I still see lots of people but I don’t see who called me.
“Ginny?” the voice calls again.
It is a small voice. I turn and look. A little girl is standing far away next to a popcorn machine. She has hair that looks just like mine used to look. Her eyes are green.
It is the Other Ginny.
I’m guessing she’s mostly in kindergarten or in first grade. She is small enough to make an acorn out of construction paper and to paste her picture on it to put on a bulletin board. She is too small for me to be mad at. Even if she replaced me I don’t want to get her eyes out like Michelle Whipple’s.
The Other Ginny starts walking. Toward me. Closer and closer.
When she gets to me she smiles.
She isn’t teasing or making fun. She is in front of me just smiling. Then I see that she’s holding something in her hand. She holds it up for me to see.
It is a picture of me when I was nine years old. In it I am holding my Baby Doll.
I want to grab it. I want to put it near my eyes and look and look and look. I want to see my Baby Doll’s tiny face and hands but the Other Ginny takes the picture away and runs back the way she came. She moves out of people’s way like a squirrel or a cat. She runs down the hall and ducks and then stops. And looks back at me. She is standing next to the popcorn machine again.
With Gloria.
I don’t hear any sound at all. The ground is flat and hard under my feet. It is like I am standing on the back of a giant equal sign even though I can’t see it. So I take a step toward them. Gloria looks at me and puts her finger in front of her mouth. I want to yell What are you doing here? You should be taking care of my Baby Doll! but no sound comes out. I try again but I can’t talk. So instead I start walking toward them. Fast.
A police officer walks in front of me. I recoil. He crouches down next to me and asks if I’m all right. With my eyes closed I nod my head yes. He asks if I need help. I shake my head no. He stands up and says he’s sorry and asks if I know where I’m supposed to be. I nod my head yes again. He asks if I need help getting back to the game. I shake my head no. Then he says again that he’s sorry that he startled me. He wishes me good luck and walks away.
I look back to where Gloria was standing with the Other Ginny. She is gone. I look in every direction. I look at the doorway to the bathroom. I look at the exit sign.
The exit sign.
I run to it. I push past two people coming in and run outside into the parking lot. I slip on slushy ice but someone catches me. “Sorry,” I say in a quiet voice. Because it is freezing and the cold makes it hard to talk. I don’t have my coat or boots but I don’t care. I look across the sidewalk at all the cars in the parking lot. I look hard to find Gloria or the Other Ginny or the Green Car but I don’t see them.
Which means I am alone again. I am fourteen years old and still on the wrong side of the equal sign.
My hands are shaking and I am breathing fast because Gloria was here with another Ginny and neither of them had my Baby Doll but the Other Ginny had a picture of her. And of me. The Other Ginny smiled and showed me the picture but she didn’t let me have it. But where did they put my Baby Doll? Did they leave it in the car while they came inside?
Then I wonder if maybe Gloria is still in the building. Maybe she didn’t come out to the parking lot. I go back in.
Steam covers my glasses. I wipe them on my shirt and put them back on. I look and look but I don’t see Gloria or the Other Ginny anywhere.
“Hey there, Ginny,” someone says.
I look. Maura is coming toward me from down the hallway. Pushing a baby stroller. People move out of her way.
“I didn’t know if Wendy’s schedule would let us come, so I didn’t say anything,” she says, “but we really wanted to see you play. What are you doing out here? Is the first game over already?”
I look behind her. I look back at the exit sign. I look behind me and at the bathroom again.
“Ginny? Is the game over?”
“No,” I say.
“That’s great! Why don’t you walk me to the bleachers to find Brian? Wendy and I will stay as long as we possibly can.”