I sit and pick up a fork and start eating.
“So we need to talk about a few things,” she says. “You’re all over the news already. There’s an Amber Alert, just like I said. I haven’t been in touch with Gloria yet. It’s just not safe. The police can see anything you put online, and they have access to cell phone records, too. So we’re going to stay off the map for a while. Just a few weeks until we can head up to Canada.”
“Is my Baby Doll in Canada?” I say.
“Baby Doll,” says Crystal with a C. “Why don’t you use her name?”
“Because you said she’ll always be my little baby, no matter what,” I say. “So is it up in Canada?”
“You really took me at my word, didn’t you?” she says.
“Yes,” I say.
“Fair enough. But to answer your question, no, not yet. I’ll find a way to get a message to Gloria when things have settled and tell them to come meet us. The two of us were born up there, you know. We both have dual citizenship. So do you. I even have your passport—I snagged it from Gloria when she finally brought you back to Maine. But your Baby Doll was born in my apartment. Gloria didn’t want to go to the hospital because she was scared they would have taken her. She was pretty well-known by the police, at that point. Gloria, I mean.”
I don’t remember when my Baby Doll was born. I know its birthday but I don’t remember the day. “Where was I when my Baby Doll was born in your apartment?” I say.
“You were home, waiting.” She picks up a coffee mug from the counter and drinks from it. “Your mom was never great at being a mom, but she loves you. Loves you like crazy. I mean, crazy, crazy crazy. You know that, don’t you?”
I’m not sure if I know that so I make sure my mouth is shut and nod.
“She’s been looking for you for years. Online, on the phone, every which way. She cares more about getting you back than she does about her own safety. So when you found her on Facebook, she jumped in the car and came to get you. Then she went to your school. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t listen. These sorts of things need to be taken slowly, but Gloria doesn’t live that way. Finally I had to sit her down—this is after the police threatened to make her spend a night in jail—and say, ‘Look, if you don’t stop this, you’re going to end up in prison. Then you won’t see either of your girls.’ That’s when she told me about her plan to go up to Canada.”
She puts her coffee down. “You’re how old now?” she says.
“Fourteen years old,” I say.
“And your Baby Doll is still one?”
I nod my head yes.
“So you aged five years, and your Baby Doll didn’t age at all. You’re pretty good at math, aren’t you? The math doesn’t add up.”
“It’s because she’ll always be my little baby just like you said,” I say. And then, “When does Gloria want us to go up to Canada?”
Crystal with a C shakes her head and makes a breathing sound. “I’m just going to let the first part of that go for now. As for Gloria, she doesn’t even know that I’m doing this. If she did, she’d get involved, and then she’d end up in jail. But Canada is a great place for us to go. We’ve got a lot of family there. And it really is pretty easy to disappear up in Quebec. But, no, Gloria isn’t expecting to meet us. She thinks I’m in my own apartment right now.”
“When are we leaving?” I say.
“When things settle down. We could probably make a run for the border right now, but Gloria is going to be watched and questioned for a long time. I don’t want the day we cross the border to be anywhere near the time you disappeared.”
“Then who will take care of my Baby Doll?” I say.
“What do you mean?”
“You aren’t spending at least a few hours with both of them every day and Gloria doesn’t have her act together.”
Crystal with a C makes a breathing sound again. “My big sis is going to have to manage on her own for a while. I think they’ll be okay. With all the attention, Gloria’s not going to step too far out of line. She can act pretty reasonably, when she’s not strung out on drugs or with a man. Well, reasonably enough. Now, I’m sorry, but I have to get going. I have to go to work and act like nothing unusual is going on. Ha! But it’s a long drive from here. I bought this place ten years ago. It’s sort of my home away from home. There’s food in the fridge—you know how to cook, don’t you?”
She asks if she can give me a hug and I say okay. Then she gives me one and she leaves.
22
EXACTLY 6:23 IN THE MORNING,
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19TH
I stand waiting until I hear Crystal with a C’s car pull out of the driveway. Then I start to hear some of the empty sounds I used to hear when I was alone in the apartment. The refrigerator and the ringing sound that comes from all the walls and rooms. I almost hear the sound of my Baby Doll breathing quiet, quiet on my shoulder. But then I hear the wind in the leaves outside and so I let my fingers go out straight again.
I go to the front porch and put my toes on a crack at the edge of the doorway. Outside I don’t see neighbors or a street. I don’t see any buildings. I see only white trunks and yellow, yellow leaves.
I turn back into the house and go into the kitchen. I stand in front of the refrigerator and think about the rule We do not open the refrigerator. My Forever Mom and Forever Dad made that rule because they know I have issues with food. But they’re not here right now. And I’m not at the Blue House. I’m in Crystal with a C’s Little White House.
My hands shake. I open the refrigerator.
Inside I see one carton of twelve eggs and one carton of nine and some ketchup and twenty-two slices of bread in a bag and seven onions and an eight-ounce block of Grade A pasteurized cheddar cheese. Four sticks of butter in a box. Two unopened half gallons of milk. I see other things too but I pick up the cheese. And the ketchup because ketchup is quick and easy.
I start eating.
When the cheese is gone I take one of the half gallons of milk out of the refrigerator because I want a drink. The one that belongs to Crystal with a C. The other half gallon of milk is the one I brought from the Blue House. I don’t remember putting it away. Crystal with a C must have moved it. But I wonder if my Forever Parents are angry that I took it. I wonder if my Forever Mom needs the milk for my new Forever Sister who isn’t born yet. Baby Wendy. Last week my Forever Mom said they were going to the hospital any day now.