“Was it a—” I start to say but I can’t finish the sentence. “Is it a—”
She looks at me. “Is it alive?” she says. “Is that what you’re trying to say? Holy shit, of course it was alive! What did you think, that you killed your baby sister?”
I want to answer her question. I want to say Yes, thank you, thank you for finally telling me but my throat hurts and I can’t move my mouth anymore but then it opens all by itself and my chest moves up and down fast. No sound comes out but hot, hot tears fall on my face and pants. I cry and cry and shake while Crystal with a C looks at me and looks back at the road and says something and looks back at me but I can’t hear anything at all.
Then I stop. And breathe. I am better.
“—all right?” I hear Crystal with a C say.
I don’t know what she asked but I nod my head yes anyway.
Crystal with a C makes a breathing sound. “Ginny, I just can’t believe it. It’s been five years. Five frigging years. I know your mom is a real piece of work and that you needed to be away from her, but it’s just awful to imagine what you’ve been through, not knowing what happened to your sister. But right now I need to get us out of town, okay? You’ve got to let me drive for a while. We have ten minutes at the most, I’m guessing, before someone calls the police. I’ve got to take some back roads. We can’t take the highway because the police will put up a blockade.”
“What’s a blockade?”
“It’s a roadblock. You know, a place where the police park their cars across the road and stop everyone from driving. They’ll be looking for you. They’ll have an Amber Alert and everything.”
“Is my Baby Doll with Gloria?”
“Yep, she’s with your mom.”
Crystal with a C pats my arm and makes a happy face. Her shoulders go up to her ears and come down again. Then she looks back at the road. “She was in pretty bad shape when I found her. I guess you were right to be worried. I was really scared for a while because she’d been in there so long. At least an hour, easily. I thought she was...sleeping at first, but she was just unconscious. She came right back when I gave her mouth-to-mouth.”
Then Crystal with a C is quiet.
“Where did she come back from?” I say.
“Back from—Shit, I don’t know. She’s fine, okay? She’s really fine. But if I hadn’t gotten there when I did, things might have turned out differently.”
“She’s fine,” I say. To help me remember.
“Right. So, to make a long story short, I brought her home and got her all cleaned up and fed. She was way too skinny. Not as bad as you, though. Do you remember when the judge described how you looked? In the decision papers? I’m not sure if you read them. Actually, you were way too young, so you couldn’t have. He said you looked like you came out of a concentration camp, you were so thin and beat-up. I feel bad to this day. I was out of the picture for a while that first year when Gloria was taking care of the two of you. But what that judge said—he really nailed it.”
Crystal with a C is talking too fast. I nod my head yes even though I don’t know why.
“Anyway, she was suffering from malnutrition. The doctor I brought her to said she was surprised she made it so long. You kept her alive, Ginny. You saved your sister’s life.”
“By putting her in the suitcase?” I say.
“No! God, no! By keeping her fed and protecting her from your mother. I love my big sister, but she’s not a good mom. And she’s so fucking impulsive! I mean, she’s come a long way, especially after the parenting classes, but she still doesn’t have her act completely together. You’ll see.”
I don’t know what doesn’t have her act completely together means so I say, “Is my Baby Doll safe with Gloria?”
Crystal with a C laughs. “Safe enough. I still don’t like to let more than a day go by without spending a few hours with both of them. Gloria sort of depends on me to do her thinking for her. I’m the one who got her to go to rehab and made her go to those classes. Plus, I had her move in with me until she got back on her feet.”
“Does she give it plenty of food?”
Crystal with a C makes a breathing sound. “Yes, she gives it plenty of food.”
“Does she remember to give it a bath?”
“A ba—”
“Does she remember to change its diaper?” I say and then I stop and start picking at my fingers. But I am so anxious that I have to keep talking. “Does she know what to do when it throws up? Does she put socks on its hands so it won’t scratch its face?”
“Ginny, how the hell old do you think your Baby Doll is?”
“Almost one year old,” I say. “Its birthday is November 16th.”
“Whoa,” says Crystal with a C. And then “Whoa” again. “Are you serious? Of course you’re serious. You couldn’t crack a joke if your life depended on it. But, girl, there’s a lot we have to talk about. Not right now, though. I don’t think you’re ready for it yet. And I have to drive and think. I forgot the way your brain works.”
“The brain is in the head,” I say.
“No shit,” says Crystal with a C.
21
EXACTLY 5:27 IN THE MORNING,
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19TH
I sit up straight and look around. I am alone in the car. The sun isn’t up yet but I can see there are trees with yellow leaves outside the windows. Crystal with a C is gone.
I open the door and get out. The wind is blowing and I am wearing my jacket but I am still cold. Behind the car is a small white house with a chimney with white smoke coming out of it. I hear music inside. I pull my backpack high up on my shoulders and go to it.
Crystal with a C is in the house. I see her walk past the doorway as I climb up the stairs to the front porch. I go to the screen door and stand there waiting.
Crystal with a C walks past the door again. She sees me and puts her hand on her chest. “Ginny!” she says. “I didn’t even see you. How long have you been standing there?”
“Since 5:28,” I say. My watch says it is five-thirty.
“Well, come in, will you?” she says. “We can’t have you standing out in the open. We’re pretty far from the main road, but someone could still come up the driveway. You were fast asleep when we got here, and I didn’t want to wake you. You used to wake up kind of wild. You didn’t like to be touched. Not sure if that’s changed or not.”
I rub my arms and open the door and go in. Inside I smell bacon and toast and smoke from a woodstove. I am hungry.
Crystal with a C is in the kitchen now. I follow her. She is wearing a brown-and-orange shirt with squiggly white lines on it. She puts down a plate of food on the table. “I was going to make some for you after you woke up, but I guess you beat me to it,” she says. She points to the food.