And fuck, I’ve got the shivers again.
Tro slides onto the bench next to me and his strong arm hooks around my waist as he sways us to the rhythm. I expect him to remove it when we finish the song. He doesn’t, and I shiver again.
It’s cold down here. That’s what I tell myself anyway. But it’s really Tro. I don’t want to feel anything at his touch except disgust. But I have that same sense of longing, a deep aching need, that I had while we were onstage, and I don’t want him to take his arm away.
Lilah plays her way through all our old material, and when Tro catches onto a chorus, he sings along. I haven’t felt so light since The Voice started. This is my home, where I belong, and despite the press of listeners, I lose myself in the sensation.
But my phone buzzing in my pocket brings me back to reality.
I pull it out and find two things. It’s six o’clock in the morning, which means we’ve been down here for nearly five hours, and Billie is freaking out.
“I’ve gotta go,” I say, texting her back.
The gathered group, many of whom are the originals, protest, but Tro stands. “Yeah. My flight’s in a couple of hours.”
Some of the girls ask Tro to sign their boobs and he obliges with a shrug at me. And right then, it strikes me how out of character that reaction is. In the last seven weeks, I’ve seen him sign plenty of body parts, and never has he been so reserved.
Lilah puts my guitar away and wraps me in a hug. “I was wrong,” she says, her eyes watching Tro with the girls. “He’s not just into you. He loves you, Lo.”
My heart skips and I feel my eyes widen. “Tro Gunnison doesn’t love anyone but himself.”
She scowls at me. “How can you miss the way he looks at you? Especially onstage tonight when he was playing the song he wrote for you. He would have melted right into you if he could have.”
I shake my head. “You don’t know him. He’s not like that. There’s not a genuine bone in his body.” I gesture to where he’s signing an enormous boob that is fully out of the shirt and bra. “He’s all sex and show.”
Her eyebrows go up and her gaze turns skeptical. “Maybe it’s you that doesn’t know him.”
“I know him,” I say, but when he backs away instead of putting the boob back into the clothes, which is the way it usually goes, I wonder.
Lilah has me in her arms again. “This has been so amazing, Lo. God, I miss you.”
“Me too,” I say, and am surprised to find myself suddenly near tears. “Sometimes I really don’t know what I’m doing, you know? This is the only place I’ve ever really felt like I belonged.”
Her eyes widen as she shakes her head. “Oh my God, Lo. You are amazing out there, on the stage. That is where you belong.”
I give her a weak smile as Tro finishes with his girls and comes up behind me. “Thanks.”
A train pulls into the station and I give Lilah one last hug before she and Bran load on. As Tro and I head toward the exit, I can’t believe how hard it is to climb the stairs. The last time I walked out of here, I was getting ready to go to L.A. for The Voice. I didn’t really think about what that meant, other than I had a chance to live my dream. But now the hollow place in my chest aches, knowing this part of my life is gone forever. I never thought I’m miss my old life, but I do.
Tro leans into me and wraps an arm around my shoulders when we reach the street. “Your friends are pretty cool. This was the best road night I’ve had in a while.”
I know about the parties in their hotel suites and the girls, so I’m having a hard time believing him, but I don’t argue it.
“Lilah’s the best. I don’t know Bran very well, but he makes her happy, so I know he must be a good guy.”
He watches the sidewalk unfold in front of us as we walk and gives slow nod. “You and Lilah went to school together?”
“Yeah. She’s been my best friend forever.”
“So…she’s your age?” he asks, and I see his mind cranking out the math. Bran is an ex-Marine, which makes him a lot older than her.
“A few months older, but…yeah.”
He nods again and looks like he wants to say something else, but then he gives his head a small shake. And I really wish I could read his mind, because I have a feeling there’s way more going on in there than anyone gives him credit for.
Chapter 15
Tro
“So, really,” Lucky asks, watching her feet on the sidewalk, “what’s the deal with your family?”
My feet stall and I pull a smoke from my pack, lighting up. “You’re not going to let that go, are you?”
She gives her head a solemn shake.
“Why do you care so much?”
“I guess I just want to understand why you turned out to be so…” She trails off and waves her hand in a circle at me.