“I’ve got you, love,” he whispers in my ear, rocking me slowly in his arms.
Love. He calls me love, like that’s what I am to him. Maybe that’s all I need to be.
All you need is love.
Fuck. What if The Beatles were right this whole time? Maybe love isn’t as transient and ethereal as I thought. Maybe it’s the most real thing there is.
He thumbs the ring on my finger. “We’ve still got some things to figure out, Blaire. I get that. But that’s the journey I want to take with you all the way to the ‘the grow old and die’ scene at the end of Act Five.”
I blink at his reference to my graduation speech. He wasn’t there. He was in jail.
He smiles at my confusion. “I found your speech when I searched for your poetry on Youtube after I got out of jail.”
“You cyberstalked me?” I ask with a lift of my eyebrows. But I can’t contain the smile, knowing even when we were apart, he was thinking of me.
He trails a fingertip down my nose. “I was in purgatory the year we were apart. Seeing your face, listening to what came out of that beautiful mind of yours, it was the only thing that saved me.”
“Parts of my mind aren’t that beautiful.” I cringe. “There are dark parts and scary parts and more than a few crazy parts.”
“I think it’s your dark, scary, and crazy parts that speak to mine.” He pulls me close. “Nothing in there could ever scare me away.”
I mold myself to his body. “Remember you said that.”
I’ve never believed in “two halves of a whole,” or destiny or any of that. I’ve surrounded myself with people who made it easy for me to be an island. I’ve chosen to be alone in this life. Until Caiden. Now I know that no one is ever truly alone. That knowledge prickles my skin into goose bumps and steals my breath as the truth sinks into my bones. The connections are there, some stronger than others. The strongest are capable of breaking through any wall we put up.
Caiden was through my walls before I even knew I had them. I don’t know if that’s destiny, but it’s big. And it’s real.
Scarily real.
I pull myself out of Caiden’s arms and move to the window. The stars are hard to see through the city lights, but they’re there. “Does this scare you?”
He comes up behind me and lays his hands gently on my hips. “What scares the living shit out of me is the thought of a life without you in it.”
In the black velvet sky above, the moon smiles on me the same way she did the night exactly three years ago when I freed my soul from my self-imposed prison. I smile back knowing that, because of Caiden, I’ll never need walls again. And I’ll never be alone.
How to Heal
A poem by Blaire Leon
I can hardly remember when
His touch felt like love on my skin.
Before he forced his way in.
Now every touch feels like a sin.
Distrust has become my law.
Fear rakes my insides raw.
The only chance of survival: Die.
Wave the part of my soul that sang goodbye.
Iron bolt the doors to my heart, And never again let it start
To remember the part
Where my friend became the monster in the dark.
How many secrets can you keep?
Can you lock away deep?
What will it take to unlock the pain?
Things I can’t even begin to explain
Or to understand.
Will it be another hand?
One who loves without command?
A man who knows my heart firsthand?
A voice of unconditional love
That will finally help me rise above The landmines in my soul;
The scars in my heart that control
The way I cry and love and hate.
The reason for my self-abate
Dies when I dare to open a new slate.
For the way I live and die and create
A place in my spirit that can love again And trust that he’ll not revive the pain.
This is how my soul begins to heal; By believing in him and keeping it real.
Acknowledgements
Heartfelt thanks go first to every single one of you who picked this book up and gave it a try. I truly appreciate you spending your valuable time with Blaire and Caiden. That includes the many bloggers and authors who helped spread the word. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
This book would not have happened without the encouragement of my dear friend Katy Evans, cheerleader extraordinaire. Thank you, my lovely. And thanks also to the ladies at New Leaf Literary who brought this story to life: Suzie Townsend for all her tireless work on my behalf, and Danielle Barthel for fixing all my many booboos. Thanks to Danielle Sanchez and K.P. Simmon at Inkslinger for all your encouragement and endless hours of support. And, always, thank you to my family for…everything. I love you.
Music is my muse, and I try to give credit to the artists who inspire my work. The influence of a single song caused all the passion that is Caiden and Blaire’s story to pour out of me in a matter of days. You’ll find that song referenced in the text, but I have to thank Alex Turner of Arctic Monkeys for writing “Do I Wanna Know.”