She stumbles on her words and the impulse to rush up there and catch her fall is so overpowering that it cracks the ice in my veins and propels me a step in her direction.
Before I remember that I can’t go to her.
Ever again.
She closes her eyes and takes a breath, then picks up the line she stumbled over and finishes from there.
She recovers.
Because that’s what normal people do when everything goes sideways. They pick up all their shit and make something that doesn’t stink.
I push out the door onto the sidewalk and stagger to my car. I climb in and find myself at Hannah’s without remembering anything about the drive.
She opens the door a crack, then wider when she sees it’s me. “Hey,” she says with a curious raise of her eyebrows.
It’s late and she’s in a short bathrobe, as if she might have been on her way to the shower. I push through the door and lift her off her feet, devouring her mouth as if it’s my last meal. She kicks the door closed and wraps her long legs around my waist. I carry her to the bedroom.
And do everything in my fucking power to recover.
Chapter 23
Blaire
School keeps me busy. Busy is good. Less time to think.
I bust my ass studying and only manage Bs in most of my first semester classes. Berkeley is a world away from high school…and even Sierra State, where the grading seemed a little more lenient.
Nate is in Reno, a six-hour drive from Berkeley, so we only manage to see each other when we are both home for Thanksgiving. His mother invites Marcus and me over for Thanksgiving dinner, but Marcus still isn’t speaking to Nate, so we stay home with our parents and go out to Denny’s instead. Mom’s never seen the point of cooking a huge turkey for just the four of us.
Nate and I text every day, and I call him on the nights I’m feeling Caiden’s gravitational pull trying to crush my heart to a pulp against my ribcage. Hearing Nate’s voice grounds me in my reality. A reality I have to accept.
But as I drive home for winter break, the closer I get to home—to Caiden—the more I feel it. I stay on the highway an extra few exits and take the long way home through East Overton. It’s after nine when I pull up to his complex. The streetlights near his complex are all out, and low roiling cloud cover charges the air and makes me edgy. My hands shake on the wheel as I drive slowly through the dark parking lot. My heart breaks into a gallop when I see his car in a spot near his apartment. Upstairs, his bedroom light is on and the shade is open. I back into a parking space across the lot, where I’ve got a clear view of the window, and turn off the engine.
He can’t be arrested for me stalking him, right?
I convince myself I only need a glimpse of him. Then I can go home and live my sorry excuse for a life. I’ll give it fifteen minutes. If he hasn’t come to the window in that time, I’ll leave. I recline my seat back and wait.
It’s nearly two hours later when a bare-chested Caiden appears in the window. My heart lurches me forward, pressing my chest against the steering wheel in an attempt to get closer.
He’s grown a beard—short and golden blond, a few shades lighter than the honey brown waves on his head. And he’s been working out. His body was amazing before, but now he’s ripped. I etch the image into my memory as he reaches up to pulls the blinds.
But he lowers his hand when a tall blonde wraps her arms around his shoulders from behind. She’s nearly his height, and is wearing a thin white cami. She says something close to his ear and he turns in her arms.
A stone fist crushes my heart when she grasps a handful of his hair and yanks him to her, kissing him hard. He reaches for the blinds again when she lets him go, and the window goes dark.
All I can do is stare at where he was for another minute, his image still outlined on my retinas. I close my eyes as tears hitch up my throat.
I never expected Caiden would wait around for a year for me. I’m with Nate. Of course he’s found someone else. He’s beautiful and smart and incredible. What did I think he was going to do, become a monk?
I breathe back the tears and almost have it together when a loud bang on my window makes me jump. I look up to see a guy with gold teeth shining out of his depraved grin.
“Chica! Come out and play!” He pushes off my car and grabs his junk. “I got some toys you gonna like!”
Three more guys stalk my direction from farther down the parking lot. Gold Teeth jumps back when I start the car and peal out.