“I do,” I say. “Not a lot, but some.”
Kip is on her first visit home since starting at Evergreen. It’s less than two hours from Seattle, but she usually stays around the dorms on weekends. Even though I’m closer to Alicia now, Kip is still one of my best friends. When you have a shared experience with someone who showed you some kindness when you needed it most, it sticks with you. We’re going to take the ferry together and hang out at her house tonight and tomorrow. Maybe go for a hike.
I get on ferries every chance I get—anytime the tip jar is a little more generous than usual or I need to see more trees. I usually stand on the outside deck for the whole ride unless it’s pouring down rain, at least for as long as I can stand it. Steady in my boots, steady on my feet.
Sometimes I worry about Dixie. I can’t help it. Dad is still in and out of her life, and Dixie still seems to get wrapped up in whatever he and Mom are into—their problems, their issues. Alicia is always reminding me I don’t have the power to be responsible for every single person in the world.
“Not every single person in the world,” I tell her. “Just Dixie.”
“Still not your job,” Alicia says. “Anyway, maybe what you’re showing her by getting out of there, having your life now, is the best way you can help. You should think about that, Gem.”
“Maybe.”
Alicia says we’ll always find each other, me and Dixie.
I know I can find Dixie. I wonder sometimes if she’ll find me. Like I told Kip, she’s the only other person in this world who knows what it is and what it was to be us. I don’t know if Dixie really understands this yet, but when she’s ready, I’m here. I’m staying right here.
Tonight when I’m at Kip’s, we’ll talk about it. We always end up talking about Dixie and Jessa because we both know a lot about sisters. We’ll talk, and stay up too late, and then I’ll sleep the deeper sleep I always get on the island. And I’ll dream about living there one day myself, about boats and bicycles and water, and a dog running next to me on the road, in the green, green afternoon light.