I reached down and put my hand to Finn’s. I squeezed his hand over his dick.
“Anything you want,” I whispered. I put my lips to his neck and kissed. “I swear, Finn. You can trust me.” I then looked at Finn. “In my heart, I’m not engaged, okay? I’m not with anyone. You know this life. You know what we have to do sometimes.”
“So then what is it?” he asked. “What put you in it?”
The truth, Shayna. Just start giving up the truth.
“My sister,” I said. “That’s what did it. The last I heard of her, she was with Zander. And I haven’t seen her in a long time.”
“You’re doing all this for your sister?”
“This part? No. I didn’t plan any of this, Finn. I don’t know why I did what I did to end up here, with you. I just lost my mind for a second.”
“But you still want to find your sister?”
“Yes. I want to know the truth of her.”
“You could take your hand off my dick now,” Finn said with a grin.
I took my hand away and felt my cheeks burning red. “Oh. Sorry.”
Nobody knew about Sasha. It was my deep and dark secret. It was something that could be used against me. Now I’d give up a piece of that to Finn.
He touched my hair again. “Please get inside, sweetie. You’re going to get sick out here with wet hair.”
“You know that’s all a lie, right?”
“Most of life is a lie.”
My mouth opened, but I had nothing.
That was the damn truth.
I stared at Finn and wondered what part of his was a lie. A little of him? Or all of it?
I backed away from Finn and turned to walk away.
He called my name and I stopped.
“What?” I asked.
“I built this cabin for a woman,” Finn said. “And she’s gone now. Because of me.”
With that said, Finn grabbed the axe and turned away.
I was shocked.
Had Finn just tried to open up to me?
15.
(Finn)
What the hell had I just done?
Had I really just opened up to Shayna like that? Admitted my own little world of darkness to her?
I slammed the axe down over and over. Pieces of wood splintered and shattered. I had a dream of coming out here and doing this on a cold and snowy night. Yeah, we’d get snow up here in this part of the mountain. I knew that because I fucking researched it before buying the land and building the cabin. Because what could be more romantic than carrying firewood into the cabin as it snowed? And building a warm fire? And getting on the couch with something to drink and holding her all damn night?
I finally threw the axe. I heard it swoosh and then hit something with a snap and crack. Then there was silence, except for my breathing and the racing of my heart.
There was supposed to be a plan on the horizon. The only chance of that would be Fiore coming to terms with his family and his fate. There were other ways to set up Zander and attack him. Christ, there were so many things we could probably do that involved Shayna.
I looked back at the cabin.
But that would put her directly into trouble.
Like I cared.
I did care. Why the hell did I care?
I grabbed an armful of firewood and walked to the front of the cabin. Inside, there was a woman sitting on the couch, just like it was meant to be. And she looked at me. And she was beautiful. And she smiled.
“Do you need help?” she offered, just like she was supposed to do.
The problem was that it was the wrong fucking woman.
“No,” I said.
I kicked the door shut. Behind me, the sunset spread across the sky as day quickly started to become night. Tonight was supposed to be the start of me and Shayna together. So I could fuck her. So I could get her pregnant.
I built a fire and stood staring at it. I felt her behind me, staring at me.
“Finn, you can tell me…”
“No,” I said. “I shouldn’t have said what I said. Forget it. It doesn’t matter. What matters is our plan.”
“What plan?” she asked. “How can there be a plan?”
I looked back at her. “We’ve been in this life long enough. We’ve been through dark shit. We’ll think of something. We have time, like I said. Before that though, I want to know everything. No secrets.”
“I have no secrets,” Shayna said. “This is me. Right here.”
“You never told me about the engagement. Or your sister.”
“When was I supposed to? Before or after I was in the bed of your truck with a gun? Or you dragging me to see Fiore? Or tackling some guy with a gun who was there to kill you and Fiore? Or being forced into a car and a store to buy clothes? Oh, and let’s not forget the mindset after I’m told someone is going to get me pregnant. Whether I’m willing to or not.”
Shayna sucked in a breath and looked ready to burst into tears.
I just stood there and let her collect herself. I had to try and set some kind of boundaries. Yeah, right. Wasn't my hand between her legs just a little while ago?