“No going back,” I said, and sealed the vow with a kiss that was soft and gentle, but deep with intention. My best intentions, despite my worst fears.
Little moments, day by day. This is what I have to give.
I kissed her deeper and the need to have her rose up again. She moaned softly into my mouth and I felt her body begin to move against mine.
“I don’t suppose you have a second condom in that magic pocket of yours?” I asked between kisses. “Please say yes.”
Kacey laughed against my lips. “See for yourself.”
My right hand snaked out and took hold of her discarded shirt. I felt a crackle in the pocket and my head fell back in relief.
“Did you know we were going to sleep together tonight?”
“I hoped we would.”
I raised an eyebrow as I tore open the packet. “Twice?”
Her voice and eyes and smile all softened. “I hoped so bad…”
She took me inside her, and as my body was wracked with pleasure, I felt the most bittersweet of emotions, soaring and plummeting at the same time: joy, that I had this woman in my life, and a profound ache that I had met her too late.
I would love you forever, Kacey, if I only had the chance.
The sun was well over the horizon when Jonah and I trudged back to the campsite, hand in hand. Now that I could touch him I didn’t want to stop. My body still hummed like a livewire, and instead of feeling satiated by two mind-blowing orgasms, I just wanted more.
We approached the ring of tents to find everyone else up and sitting around a low fire, sipping coffee. They all stopped to stare at our approach. Oscar started a slow clap until Dena elbowed him in the side, hiding a smile behind her hand as she watched us with warm eyes. Holly buried an embarrassed giggle in her shoulder, though she looked tired, as if she hadn’t slept much the night before. Theo only gaped, his expression unreadable. I met his eye with a small smile he didn’t return, and he quickly looked away.
Jonah stopped, took in all the stares. “Did you guys hear that last night? Mountain lion. Loud one too.”
Everyone burst out laughing. Except Theo.
I swatted Jonah’s arm and took my seat around the fire. Theo’s dark stare followed me, prickling on my skin. Dena handed me a thermos of hot black coffee. Our eyes met, hers full of warmth and something like gratitude.
I sat on the ground between Jonah’s feet, leaning back with my elbows on his knees. A perfect fit.
All of this, I thought, sipping my coffee. So perfect.
We all took a hike through the woods that morning, following a rough path that cut downward toward a small body of water called Stella Lake. The guys skipped rocks across the surface, insulting the hell out of each other in an affectionate but cutthroat competition. Holly, Dena, and I walked around the perimeter under a leaden sky that threatened rain.
Holly had been quiet all morning. She stuck close to us on the walk but said little, her hands jammed in the front of her sweatshirt.
“I cheated on the ‘no cell phones’ rule and checked for weather updates,” she finally said. “A huge thunderstorm is going to roll through here.”
Dena and I looked up at the same time. The sky was flat and gray, and in the distance, darker, heavier clouds gathered.
“So I was wondering if we were going to leave early,” Holly said. “Like, today. And if we do, could I get a ride with one of you guys?”
Dena’s expression warmed with concern. “Why? What happened?”
“Theo and I broke up,” Holly said.
“When?” I asked.
“Last night.” She tugged at her eyebrow piercing. “Right after everyone went to bed.”
Dena glanced at me, then back to Holly. “I’m so sorry, Holly. Can I ask why?”
“He’s an asshole, that’s why,” she said with sudden fire. “He told me he was tired of trying to make something work when it obviously wasn’t. He’s always been kind of…hot and cold with me. But this time it felt…final.” Her eyes filled with tears that she quickly brushed away. “Anyway. I don’t want to spend that long drive back with just him in the truck.”
“No, of course not,” Dena said, putting her arm around her. “You can ride with us. I’ll find out from Oscar what he thinks about this potential storm and we’ll figure it out, okay?”
Holly nodded. “Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. I’m going to go back up. I’m sick of camping.” She looked to me, her voice hardening into petulance. “You got the good brother.”
Dena and I watched her turn and storm back up the trail, then exchanged wide-eyed glances.
“Well, on the one hand,” Dena said as we continued around the path, “it was shitty of Theo to break up with her while she’s stranded, hundreds of miles from home. On the other, I don’t know why he brought her at all. She’s the closest he’s gotten to having a girlfriend, but she never sticks.”
I shrugged. “She’s not the one.”
“Definitely not. He’s isn’t looking for the one. And he shouldn’t.”
“No?”