Dr. Morrison reached across the bed to lay his hand over my wrist. “Jonah?”
I inhaled deeply, and let it out in a gusty sigh of relief, as if something heavy had been pressing down on my chest and now it was gone.
The doctor’s hand on my arm tightened. “Jonah?”
“I’m fine,” I said, turning toward him. “I’m good, actually. Knowing the brutal truth… It’s better. I feel better.”
Oddly, I could breathe again. The twisted coil of anxiety and fear and dread were fading away. My emotions had been in free-fall for a week, when the first bout of unwarranted fatigue hit me just before the gallery opening. Kacey said I ran hot and cold, but that barely captured the range of emotions. Hot and cold, angry and guilty, scared shitless and scrambling to make peace. I’d been cycling through the five stages of grief, one after the other—each stage lasting less than a minute—then back to the beginning to start again. I’d had to push everyone away last night—even push Kacey away so I could cope with the inevitability.
I looked at Dr. Morrison now, a sense of peace settling over me, and profound relief from the chaotic emotions of the last few days.
“Would you like to talk to someone?” Dr. Morrison asked. “A counselor, perhaps? Or the chaplain?”
“I want to lodge a complaint with the Medical Board,” I said. “Worst. Biopsy. Ever.”
He chuckled. “You’ve always been one of my favorite patients, Jonah. Always.” His laughter quieted. “I’ve already taken the liberty of explaining the situation.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Not the best part of your job, I take it.”
“Never. But they knew this was a probability and they’re taking it well. As well as can be expected, rather. They’re waiting for you outside.”
“Dena and Oscar?” I asked.
Dr. Morrison nodded. “Tania too.”
I nodded. “And my girlfriend?”
He smiled. “She’s here.”
“I’m here,” echoed a voice at the door. Kacey stood with her hand on the frame. Her face pale, her eyes swollen and bloodshot, her hair a sloppy ponytail falling loose. She looked so damn beautiful I could hardly breathe.
“Get lost, doc,” I said.
“With pleasure.” He got up and Kacey raced passed him toward me, threw her arms around me as best she could across the bed and buried her face in my neck.
“I need to tell you something,” she said, her voice muffled.
“I need to tell you something too.” I pulled her far enough away too look at her, to brush the hair that stuck to the tears on her cheeks, like spun glass. “I’ve been such an ass to you, Kace. I’m so sorry. I was freaking out. Every minute I was feeling a different emotion and I—”
“I love you,” she said.
I stared at her.
“I love you,” she said. “I’m in love with you.”
Her words sunk into my heart. Not the failing organ in my chest, but the part of me that beat for her, lived for her. I felt saturated with warmth and a happiness I didn’t think was possible to experience. Not at a time like this. Not in a place like this.
Kacey’s hand slid against my cheek, her eyes filling. “Your face right now? Never in million years could I imagine a man would look at me the way you’re looking at me right now. I love you,” she said again. “I know you want to protect me and it’s not going to work. I just love you all the more for it. You can’t keep me at a safe distance. I told you, there is no safe distance. There never was.”
“You’re right,” I whispered. “There never was. I love you, Kacey. I love you so much…”
She laid her head down again, right at the tender spot of my incision but I didn’t care. Love and pain, I wanted all of it.
“I love you,” I said. “God, I never thought this would happen to me.”
“But it did,” she whispered. “It happened and all we can do now is take care of each other. Live in the little moments, right? Just like we promised. The little moments. We have so many. Thousands upon thousands.”
“Too many to count,” I said. I sniffed hard as my arms went around her and held her close. As close to me as I could, my lips kissing her hair. “And this right here…The best moment of my life.”
We held each other for a long time, and I thought about the choices Kacey made to arrive at his moment. To be here with me, knowing it wouldn’t last.
“You’re so brave,” I said. “You’re the bravest person I know.”
“Not me,” she said. “Brave or scared shitless, I don’t have a choice but to love you.” She raised her head and sniffled. “It’s all your fault, really. You’re so damn lovable.”
I laughed shortly. “I thought I was a stubborn smartass.”
“That too.” She wiped her eyes. “There’s a bunch of other people in the hall who want to give you a piece of their minds. Can I go get them?”