Freshly showered and still on a high even four hours later, I sat there on my bed and looked over the messages my sister had sent. I couldn’t help but smile. Hitting the icon to call her, I leaned back and lay on the bed as I listened to the dial tone.
On the third ring, my sister answered. “JASMINE! YOU WERE THE BEST I’VE EVER SEEN!”
“Thanks, Rubes,” I replied, feeling awkward saying “thank you,” but what else could I say?
“Aaron and I were losing our minds! Even Benny was watching it and asked if that was Aunt Jazzy on the TV,” she went on. “I’m so proud of you, Jas. I’m so freaking proud of you. I don’t know what you did, but I’ve never seen you skate like that. I’m tearing up right now thinking about it.”
Now that had me holding back a groan. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m so happy though,” she squeaked, genuinely sounding like she was on the verge of tears.
“Me too,” I told her, staring up at the ceiling with a smile on my face. “I don’t think I’d ever been so happy to be in second place after the short program.”
Because Ivan and I had gotten second place. And it was only second by less than a point. That was… nothing.
Nothing because our long program was our strongest. At least I thought it was. Going with dark movies as our theme had been the best thing we could have done while most of the other pairs skaters performed to love songs and shit like that. Paul and I had done that back in the day, but I guess it wasn’t believable because I was a shit liar and there had definitely been no love—and in the long run, no respect—in our relationship.
So Ivan and I were more than likely going to surprise the shit out of everyone when we did our exhibition skate to “A Whole New World” from the Aladdin soundtrack because… why not?
It was weird how things like that worked out.
“Well, you looked beautiful, and so did Ivan, and I couldn’t be any happier,” she choked.
“Stop crying,” I told her with a laugh.
“I can’t. I already watched your program five times in a row. We recorded it. Even Aaron’s dad called to tell me you were the best one out there.”
How the hell did Aaron’s dad know to watch? I didn’t ask, but I did wonder.
“Did you get to see the family after?” she asked, going right on into another subject.
And then, I did wince. To myself. “Yeah. We ate at the resort we’re staying at.” All of us had. All of us.
Ruby hesitated and asked the question I knew she had to be wondering about. She had to have known our dad had come. “How did it go with dad?” she asked, and I could hear the tension in her tone.
I closed my eyes and blew out a breath. “Fine.”
“Fine you didn’t fight with him but you wanted to? Or fine as in you hugged and everything was okay?”
Shit. “Fine as in… we gave each other a hug and he sat all the way on the other end of the table and didn’t say anything to me.” And I’d been fine with it. I really had. Relieved, honestly. I’d been so excited about the scores, I hadn’t wanted him to ruin it.
And didn’t that suck fucking ass that I expected my dad to ruin something I’d worked so hard for?
“Oh, Jas,” Ruby sighed softly.
“It was fine.”
“I don’t want to argue with you, okay?”
Oh God. Here we went.
“Dad loves you. He wants the best for you.”
I said nothing.
“He’s… old-fashioned.”
Is that what we were going to call it?
“You should forgive him. He’s trying. He knows he’s messed up, but none of us are perfect,” Ruby kept going, only slightly making me feel guilty.
And I meant slightly. Because how many times had I done something to even Ruby to make her hesitate around me?
But…
“I know that, Rubes. I get it, but do you know how hard it is to listen to him talk about figure skating like it’s some rec sport I do just for fun on the weekends? Do you know what it’s like for him to…. what’s that word?... belittle my dreams? To hear him say I’m better off doing something I hate?” I asked her, not getting at all riled up. Not feeling anything, honestly.
I could hear her breathing on the other line. Then she said, “Yeah, Jas. I do know. I know exactly what that’s like, and I understand. I know it’s not fun.”
My body went instantly on high alert. “Who did that to you?”
“Mom. Dad. Both of them.”
I tried to think but couldn’t come up with any memory of that. “When?”
“After I graduated high school. You were too young to care or remember, but it happened.”
What the hell?
“I wanted to go to school for costume design, and both of them—mom included—pretty much said how pointless that would be. For three months, they were on my case about going to school for something I could have as a backup. As a real job,” she kept going, not sounding insulted or anything, but more resigned.
And that made me sad, because as far as I could remember, Ruby had loved designing and making costumes. Always. It was her passion in life. Her version of me figure skating.
I couldn’t see her doing anything else.
And I’d always wondered why she’d studied accounting, gotten a degree, and then never did anything with it.
“But I’m not you,” she said, still in that resigned voice. “Mom didn’t believe in my dream like she did in yours.”
“Rubes,” I started, suddenly feeling terrible, because how the hell must that have been? Her seeing my mom supporting the shit out of me while telling her she couldn’t do what she loved? I’d had no idea. No clue.
“It’s okay, Jas. It worked out for the best. I’m only telling you because I want you to know that Mom and Dad aren’t perfect. That you aren’t the only one that’s been told your dreams are pointless, but the difference is that you never let anybody talk you out of it. You didn’t let anyone make you do something you didn’t want to do, and I wish I could have done the same,” Ruby finished.
I was stunned. Honestly, surprised out of my mind.
Because that was a load of shit.
“The only reason I even studied accounting was because I wanted to make them happy. Mom was even trying to talk me into taking a job where she works up until a few years ago. Anyway, all I’m trying to tell you is to… be open-minded. To forgive him. You don’t have to do it today or tomorrow, but give him a chance. I don’t think he ever knew what to do with you when you were little. You were so opinionated, and I think you reminded him too much of Mom, but I don’t know.”
“Huh” was the only thing I managed to get out as I thought her words over.
Had I been that much of a shit as a kid that he didn’t know what to do with me? I had a faint memory of telling him that I hated him. Kicking him in the shin. Crying. Not wanting to go spend time with him when he’d come to visit. But I’d had to have been really small. Maybe four. Maybe five at the most. Right after he’d left.
Huh.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I don’t want to ruin your high. So, tell me about that cute kiss Ivan gave you. When are you two going to get married, win all the awards ever, and have kids that are prodigies at every sport they ever play?”
I choked. “What the fuck are you talking about, Rubes? Are you drinking while you’re expecting my next niece?”
Ruby laughed. “No! I would never do that!”
“It seems like it just now.”
“No! I’m asking you a serious question. You two are so perfect for each other it gave me a toothache. No lie. Ask Aaron.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head at the ceiling, thinking again, finally, about the words Ivan had said to me while we’d been on the ice. I love you. He loved me. And he knew I loved him back.
And we hadn’t talked about it since we’d gotten off the ice to get hugs and pats on the back from Coach Lee. I’d spotted Galina in the stands as we’d made our way to wait for our scores and had nodded at her, getting a nod in return, which from her was basically an I love you.