“Yes, mi cara. You know you can’t keep secrets from your Nonno.”
“I know.” I sighed and stood up. “I love you, Nonno.”
“I know.” He pulled me into a hug. “I love you more than anything, Mila. You’re my beautiful princess and all I want is for you to be happy and taken care of.”
“I know.” I rested my head on his shoulder and looked up at him. “How did I get so lucky as to have you as my Nonno?”
“You’re blessed.” He kissed my forehead and grinned, his eyes sparkling before he started coughing again. He pulled back and grabbed his tissue, his expression changing to one of a frown.
“You sure you’re okay to go out, Nonno?” I asked him, worried. “Sounds like you have a bit of a cold or something.”
“I’m fine, my dear.” He wiped his mouth. “Let me go and change into some warmer clothes and then we can leave.”
“Okay.” I nodded and watched as he walked out of the room. I then grabbed my phone from my pocket to see if TJ had called or texted. I was hoping he’d have left some sort of message saying something like, “I made a mistake, I really do love you, come home,” but of course there was nothing there when I checked. My heart sank as I put my phone back into my pocket and I sat back on the couch and stared at the photos as I waited for Nonno to get ready.
***
The beach was desolate as we walked along the sand. It was too cold for people to go into the water and there was only one guy on the beach with us and he was walking his dog. I stared at the dog as it ran down the beach chasing a branch and I thought to myself what a life the dog had as it ran back and forth to its owner, grinning with happiness. How simple life must be to a dog. What I wouldn’t have given to have that sort of peace in my heart. It would make me feel like I had a purpose in life, as opposed to being a loser who could only focus on TJ and his not loving me.
“So, Mila, tell me what’s going on.” Nonno turned to me as we walked to the shoreline. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Oh, Nonno, I feel like an idiot.” I made a face, trying to sound lighthearted. I wanted to make a joke, but I felt like I was going to start crying. “I’m a fool. I could be a clown for a king or a court jester or something.”
“Why do you say that, Mila?” Nonno frowned at me.
“Because I’m a royal fool. The biggest fool on the planet.” I tried to smile at him, but he didn’t smile back. Instead I watched Nonno’s expression go from shrewd to sad and he stepped forward and grabbed my hands.
“You’re not a fool, mi cara. Don’t ever say that.”
“I am.” I sighed. I gulped and looked down.
“Then tell me, why are you a fool?”
“Because I really thought that there was a chance that TJ really loved me. I really thought that he could be the one for me.”
“You don’t think he loves you?” Nonno sighed. “And you love him?”
“I love him with all of my heart.” I closed my eyes as my heart froze. “You don’t even understand. It’s something I feel in my soul. It’s something that I can’t stop thinking about. Just saying his name makes my heart jump for joy.”
“I know the feeling. That’s how I feel about your Nonna.” He nodded. “That’s true love, Mila.”
“How can it be true love if he doesn’t love me?” I sobbed. I knew Nonno was probably confused about why I was crying and why we would be engaged if we weren’t in love, but I knew he was smart enough to know that obviously something was up. You didn’t go from a lifelong crush to an engagement and deep love in 2.5 seconds.
“Mila, I’m going to need for you to explain to me exactly what’s going on.” Nonno grabbed my hands and turned me to face him. “I don’t really understand what you’re saying.”
“I don’t even understand what I’m saying sometimes.” I took a deep breath. “And that’s not the only thing, Nonno. I have a secret. Something I did years ago that he doesn’t know about. And it’s haunting me. Sometimes I think, what if he does fall in love with me and then he finds out what I did? Then he’ll stop loving me.”
“Mila, tell me what’s in your heart.” Nonno caressed my cheek. “I need you to tell me exactly what you’re thinking. I need to know what’s in your heart. What’s in your soul. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”
“I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to let you know what happened. I don’t want you to be ashamed of me. I feel so weak.” I sighed.