“Many are size zero because they are straight from the designer,” Sally said, nodding in agreement. “But there will be many that aren’t. And tonight, we’re going to have you in a long red dress, with a plunging neckline and a high slit up the legs.”
“Whoa, what?” My eyes nearly bulged out. “That sounds a bit much.”
“You need to be a bit much.” Sally raised an eyebrow at me. “This is TJ, remember? The love of your life. You want him to want you more than anything else in the world, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but not just for sex. I want him to want me for my mind and my body. I want him to think he can’t live without me.”
“This is step one,” Sally said. “Guys think with their small heads first. You need him to be obsessing over you and wanting you in his bed at all times. Then he’ll start to realize just how much you mean to him in every area of his life.”
“I guess,” I sighed. “I just don’t know if TJ will ever feel that way about me. He’s not the guy I thought he was, you know? He seems more damaged than I thought. A bit darker and deeper, not just the joker I always thought.”
“He’s dark because he’s into kinky sex, Mila.” She laughed, but I shook my head at her as our eyes caught.
“No, it’s more than that. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s more than that.” I sighed. “But who knows? Maybe I’m imagining it. Maybe it’s not anything other than what I want to think and believe.” I paused as I heard my phone beeping. I looked down and saw TJ’s name on the screen and ignored it. I didn’t need his playful teasing right now. Not when I was already so confused about everything.
“Stop overthinking everything, Mila.” Sally gave me a pointed look. “I know you over-analyze everything and sometimes that is good, but this is not one of those situations. Just let it go where it goes.”
“I guess so. That’s hard, though.”
“I know.” She nodded. “But life is hard. No one ever said it was going to be easy.”
“I want it to be easy.” I moaned. “I want him to just wake up and say, Mila, I love you, let’s make this real.”
“Maybe he will,” Sally said softly, her eyes on mine. “And maybe he won’t. But don’t live out your days waiting for that. Enjoy whatever you have now. It’s good now, or at least good enough, right?”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “It’s good enough. It’s more than I thought I would have with him.”
“Then enjoy.” Sally walked away from me then and up to a dress rack. “Now stop thinking and start looking. We need to get you a dress that’s going to blow TJ away.”
“Yeah, that would be nice,” I agreed and walked over to a display next to her and started thumbing through the dresses, though I wasn’t really seeing them. All I was thinking about was the look I hoped to see on TJ’s face when he saw me. I wanted his eyes to widen. I wanted him to look impressed, taken aback. I wanted his eyes to rove all over my body and not want to look away. I wanted him to want me more than he’d ever wanted anyone in the world. I wanted him to look at me as if I were the last person in the world. I wanted him to think I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Not that I was or would ever be. There were far more beautiful women out there, but I wanted TJ to look at me as if I were one of them.
I wanted time to stand still. I got shivers just thinking about it. And then I started to feel teary-eyed again because I knew it would never happen. TJ would never look at me as if I were that special someone. I couldn’t imagine it. As much as I wanted it, I just couldn’t see it happening.
“Ooh, what about this?” Sally held up a dress to show me. It was short, black and the top was made of some sort of transparent lace.
“Sally, people will see my bra or my breasts.” I shook my head. “I don’t want them seeing either.”
“Fine.” She grinned and put it back on the rack. “Though, it’s a fucking sexy dress.”
“That it is.” I laughed and continued looking through the dresses. My hand stopped on a long cream dress with pearls running along the neckline. “What about this?” I asked Sally and held the dress up.
“Are you a grandma going to prom?” Sally made a face. “No way, that’s not sexy at all.”
“Fine.” I laughed and kept thumbing through the dresses. My hand stopped on a delicate, sexy black dress with a lace back and a long slit. “What about this?” I said breathlessly as I held it up for her to see.
“Wow.” Sally’s eyes widened as she glanced at the dress in my hand. “That’s hot.”
“You don’t think it’s too much?”
“Is there such a thing as too much?”
“Yes,” I laughed. “There is definitely such a thing as too much. I don’t want to be the skank at the party.”
“You, my dear, could never be a skank.”
“Yes, I could.” I laughed and then looked at the dress again. “But I’m still going to try it on.” I smiled at her. “Maybe it will go right up to the ho line but not pass it.”
“That’s a fine line.” Sally laughed and we grinned at each other, both of our worries forgotten in that moment as we shopped.