“Two miserable people,” Ida Belle said.
“Exactly,” Nolan agreed. “I was very depressed at first, but as I learned how to do things and my upper body strength improved, I started to realize how lucky I was to still be alive. And then one day, I woke up and I didn’t think about how much easier things would be if I could walk. I think it was that day that I began to feel content. Not quite happy, at least not yet, but content.”
Nolan’s words resonated with me. The comment about sacrificing one’s desire leading to resentment hit home when it came to Carter. He’d returned to Sinful to get away from the very thing I made a living doing. But the contentment comment registered even more. When I’d first come to Sinful, I was definitely miserable, but as I slowly adapted to my new environment and all the new experiences that came along with it, I realized that not only was it not so bad, but that I actually immensely enjoyed parts of it. Without Sinful, I’d have never met Ida Belle and Gertie, and now I couldn’t imagine my life without them in it.
“I think what keeps us mired in the past,” I said, “is the constant dwelling on what we can no longer do, especially if those things that are now unavailable to us were important. Even more so if our livelihood depended on it. Finances are never a small concern, and then so many people’s identity is firmly wrapped up in what they do.”
Nolan’s eyes widened. “I think you’ve made an excellent summation of the problem. Have you known someone who dealt with these type of issues?”
“Oh, well.” I scrambled for a cover story, then finally decided that a version of the truth was probably the easiest. “I’m a librarian back home and a couple of our regular clients were men who had been injured during their military service. When they first returned home and were adjusting to the life they would now have to live, I could see their anger and frustration. I felt bad for them because if someone took away everything that made me who I am, I would feel the same way.”
“But eventually they adjusted?” Nolan asked.
I nodded. “Some quicker than others, but eventually, they all found their new niche. I daresay that in some ways it will never be as good as their old one, but in other ways, it might be even better.”
“At first,” Nolan said, “my biggest fear was that I’d spend the rest of my life alone, but I think that was mostly wrapped up in the fear of being unable to manage by myself. Once I realized how much I was capable of, and that with a little assistance, I could still have an independent life, that fear went away. I was often lonely, but I was no longer scared.”
“And then you met Gail,” I said.
He nodded. “I had given up the thought of a romantic relationship. Who would want to take on the limitations and difficulties I came with?”
“Someone who could see what you had to offer,” Gertie said.
“I think Gail saw in me things I didn’t see in myself,” Nolan said. “I couldn’t believe my good fortune.” His expression shifted from longing to sad. “I think I always knew it couldn’t last.”
I looked over at Ida Belle, who was studying Nolan. She’d been oddly silent during the entire exchange, but now she cleared her throat. “That seems a strange thing to say,” Ida Belle said. “Since I can’t imagine that you were expecting her to pass away, I assume you had other reasons for thinking things might end?”
I stiffened. So that’s what she’d been waiting for—the lead-in to see if Nolan would discuss the affair that may or may not have happened. Gertie put down the bowl she’d been stirring and looked at Nolan. I realized I was holding my breath.
Nolan looked down at the table again, then slowly back up at Ida Belle. “You’re very perceptive. I’d heard that about you. I suppose I could make up some story to pass off but you probably wouldn’t buy it, or I could simply tell you it was none of your business, which would be true. But the reality is, I spoke to Carter about it this morning, so I figure it’s all going to come out eventually.”
“What’s going to come out?” Ida Belle asked.
“Gail was having an affair,” Nolan said simply.
“Not Gail,” Gertie said, doing her best dramatic shocked look. “I can’t believe it.”
“I wish it weren’t true,” Nolan said.
“Do you know…” Gertie asked. “I mean…”
“Who it was?” Nolan asked. “Yes and no. It wasn’t the normal sort of affair. It was all online.”
I looked over at Ida Belle and could see she was as surprised as I was. We were both doing an excellent job holding it in. Gertie didn’t even try. Her jaw dropped and she stared at Nolan, clearly shocked. His announcement was the last thing we’d expected to hear.