Forever, Again

I looked over at Mom. Her eyes were wide and she was shaking her head, as though she really couldn’t believe this was real.

“They’re causing her insomnia, Dr. Van Dean,” she said. “And I’m worried about her.”

He nodded as if he totally understood. “My guess, Dr. Bennett, is that moving from Richmond to Fredericksburg was a trigger for the part of Lily that still retains some of Amber’s memories. I know you’re concerned, but we’ve found that in those cases where the memories of the reincarnated soul are causing disruption in the current life of the soul, that there’s a reason for it. A message, shall we say, for the new soul that the old soul wishes to impart.”

“Message?” I said. “What kind of message?”

Dr. Van Dean shrugged. “It could be anything, really. Perhaps Amber simply wants you to know that she didn’t murder her boyfriend. That seemed to be what she was focused on when she spoke to Dr. White yesterday. And maybe now that she’s made that clear to you, your nightmares will subside.”

“But they haven’t,” I said earnestly. “I had one last night, only it was even more intense than the others.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mom lean forward and look at me.

Dr. Van Dean sighed and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Lily. I know it must be quite troubling. In a few of the cases similar to yours—where the previous spirit is still actively involved in the life of the current spirit—what I’ve found helps is some type of ritual that honors the life of the previous soul. I know that sounds strange, but what might help Amber to let go of you is to perhaps visit her gravesite. Pay her homage. Thank her for her presence, but let her know that you’re moving on in this life solely as Lily Bennett.”

“That’s it?” Mom said. “She visits Amber’s grave and that’ll be the end of the nightmares?”

“Sound too simplistic?” the doctor asked her.

“A little,” Mom said.

Van Dean laughed softly. “Never underestimate the power of ritual, Dr. Bennett. Paying homage to a spirit is a very powerful thing, and it could be the key to freeing Lily of these nightmares.”

“But what if that doesn’t work?” I said. “What if I go visit Amber’s grave, and the nightmares keep happening?”

Dr. Van Dean became serious. “Then I believe that Amber wants more than to simply be acknowledged. If that becomes the case, then it’s quite likely she has a stronger message for you, and we’ll have to figure out what it is she’s trying to say.”

“It almost sounds like you’re talking about a ghost,” Cole said. “I mean, it’s like those movies where some evil spirit starts haunting some poor kid and then the body counts rise.”

Dr. Van Dean chuckled again. “It’s nothing quite so dramatic or violent, Cole, but I see your point. So let me be clear: Amber isn’t a ghost. No more than Ben Spencer is a ghost. At best, they’re simply vestiges of a previous personality.”

Pointing to Cole’s chest he said, “Within you, you could be harboring the memories, hopes, dreams, and desires of Ben Spencer, but something about the process of rebirth has stripped away access to almost all of it—save for a few remnants of seemingly small and trivial things that don’t affect you or your life very much. In Lily’s case, the vestige of Amber’s personality is more committed, more present, and, given the intensity of her nightmares, more urgent. There may be a message there, Lily, which you’ll need to unlock from Amber. Treating her as a separate individual, rather than as a part of yourself, might help. Try the ritual first, and see if it brings you some relief. If it doesn’t, then we can set up some sessions together and attempt to tease out the message.”

“When?” I asked. I had a feeling that the gravesite ritual wasn’t going to be enough, and I desperately wanted an end to the nightmares. A few sessions with Dr. Van Dean seemed reasonable, and I welcomed any help I could get.

The doctor, however, grimaced before answering. “Unfortunately, I’m leaving for Nepal tomorrow morning, and I’ll be gone for the next two weeks. I’ll be back at the end of the month and we can schedule something then.”

“Two weeks?” I repeated. How the hell was I going to make it two more weeks if Amber kept giving me nightmares?

“Should we go back to Dr. White and have him try to hypnotize Lily again?” Mom asked.

“Of course you could,” Van Dean said. “But I don’t recommend it. You see, now that Lily knows and is expecting Amber to show up in a hypnotic state, whatever happens is likely to be tainted by her subconscious.”

My brow furrowed. What did that mean?

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