Cole made a show of flexing both his arms. “I could take him.”
I laughed. “You know, you probably could. Tanner was pretty lame when it came down to it.”
“So why’d you go out with him for two whole years?”
“That’s a good question,” I said. Why had I gone out with him? The past few days I’d been reflecting on Tanner with clearer eyes. It was like the minute I met Cole I subconsciously began comparing the two, and I kept finding Tanner more and more pathetic. Or maybe I was finally able to see him for who really was—an insecure guy with a huge ego who’d never really cared about me. “Anyway,” I said, shrugging it off, “he’s Sophie’s problem now.”
“That your best friend?” Cole asked.
“Former best friend,” I corrected.
Cole eyed me critically. “I’ll never understand women,” he said. “I mean, we bros don’t ever cross that line. There’s a code.”
“Bros before hos?” I said, quoting the familiar, yet incredibly insulting, phrase.
“Not that,” he said, with a roll of his eyes. “It’s the bro code. You just don’t hook up with one of your bro’s girlfriends. And if you break the code, no other bro will trust you. You’re voted off the island if you pull that shit.”
I sighed wistfully. Wouldn’t it have been easier if I could’ve voted Sophie off the island? Instead, all of my former friends had rallied around her, which I figured was probably because Tanner was super-popular and nobody wanted to get on his bad side, but still. It hurt.
We were silent for another moment or two when I turned a corner and pulled to a stop, putting the car into park. “We’re here,” I said, turning to Cole.
He looked at me incredulously, then at the house I’d parked next to, then back at me.
“Lily,” he whispered. “How the hell did you know where my grandmother lives?”
“What?” I said. And then I realized we’d been so engrossed in our conversation that I’d driven the entire way to this house without him once giving me any direction. And yet the house we were parked in front of felt like someplace I’d been to a thousand times before.
But then I took in the surrounding neighborhood and I didn’t recognize where we were. Nothing except the house we were sitting in front of was familiar. I wasn’t even sure what street we were on.
“Ohmigod,” I said, gripping the steering wheel tightly as my heart started to race. I felt the oncoming panic attack take hold and knew I’d be powerless to stop it. My breathing was labored and my chest felt like it was filling with hot lava. “I…I…don’t…how did I…?”
“Hey,” Cole said. I felt his hand on my arm. “Lily, are you okay?”
I shook my head. Tears formed in my eyes, and I couldn’t catch my breath. The car felt claustrophobic. Like a coffin. I clawed at the door handle. It took several tries, but I finally managed to pull it up and get the door to open.
Stumbling out of the car, I sucked in great lungfuls of air, but no matter how much I tried to take in, it fell far short of what I needed to breathe. I tried to make up for it with the next breath, but that fell even shorter.
I bent over and wobbled unsteadily to the curb. Maybe if I could get down on the ground I could breathe. Firm hands gripped me by the arms to steady me, and guide me over to the grass.
When I sat down, I pulled at the collar on my shirt. This was something entirely different from my other panic attacks—a whole new level of agony and fear. I tugged again at my collar. Why did my clothing feel so restrictive? Why couldn’t I get any oxygen into my system when all I was doing was heaving in lungfuls of air? My heart sped up even more and pounded so hard against my chest it hurt. Blood throbbed out the frantic beat of my pulse in my ears, and then I started to see stars in my peripheral vision. I could hear Cole talking to me, but I couldn’t make out any of his words, and I avoided looking at him at all costs, because on top of everything else, what was happening to me was so humiliating.
In desperation I reached into my back pocket for my phone and thrust it at him.
“Ma…Ma…Mom!” I gasped. She was a doctor. She’d know what to do. If only she could get to me in time.
And then I sank forward onto the grass, too weak and frightened to do anything more.
I FOUND SPENCE LYING IN the grass in the center of the field adjacent to the track. I nearly cried out when I saw him. His left eye was swollen shut, and he had a fat lip that was still bleeding. Sinking down next to him, I reached out to lace my fingers through his, my heart hammering for him. I hated seeing him like this.
“You okay?” I asked gently.