This was very little like a temple wedding, where everyone would have been dressed in white and the couple kneeling across an altar with mirrors indicating eternity behind them each. But there was something sacred about this moment, even so.
When Naomi reached Kenneth, she touched his hand, and then let go so that Talitha could squeeze between them. Kurt looked a bit disconcerted, but after a moment he began his lecture on marriage before the official ceremony. He had tailored this one specifically to Kenneth and Naomi, throwing out all of his old set pieces about eternal life and the temple. He had asked me to look over his paragraphs in their early stages to be sure he was on the right track, but I hadn’t seen it all together. Tears came to me again as he began.
“Marriage is our refuge within the storm of life. Marriage to the right person brings us peace when peace seems impossible. Marriage makes us grow when we want to stay the same. Marriage teaches us what love is—and what love isn’t.
“Marriage is the reason we want to stay in bed some days, and the reason we get up other days. Marriage is the best of us and the worst of us, and we make an offering of those together to our beloved. And we accept their offering in return, and vow to be more ourselves than we have ever been before.”
I hoped that this was still true of our marriage, too.
Kurt turned and spoke directly to Kenneth. “Son, you and I have had our differences. But here we are together. My marriage to your mother is part of what has bound us and will always bind us. But now you are binding yourself to another. And so I must say goodbye to my son, and welcome the man he is becoming. You are no longer mine to care for and advise, but you will always be part of my heart.
“You are the head of your own marriage now. You must ask the questions, and figure out the answers. You must find a way to love as deeply as you are capable—to be as kind and gentle and as understanding as you can. Remember how blessed this day is, and that each day is as blessed as this day, if you make it so—for her and for you.”
It was a patriarchal way to perceive marriage, but I hoped that Kenneth would receive it in the spirit in which Kurt intended it.
Kurt turned to Naomi. “First of all, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see Kenneth married off safely, so thank you.”
That got a laugh out of the crowd.
“I know Kenneth very well. Better than you do, in some ways, but certainly not in every way. And as each year passes, you will know him better and I will know him less well. And that’s as it should be. But remember this: his flaws are mine. I did my best to teach him, but I could only teach what I knew. The lessons you teach him, he will have to teach me in turn. And believe me, my wife will be glad about that.”
More chuckles at that. This wasn’t the kind of wedding Kurt would normally have done in a chapel. I liked the more casual, self-deprecating, funnier version of Kurt officiating here.
“All I can say now is, good luck! Kenneth loves you, which shows he got some good sense from me, at least. You love him, which shows—I don’t know what.” This got another laugh from the crowd. “There will be days when he may seem angry at you, but you should know it isn’t you he’s shouting at. It’s himself. Don’t let him get away with it. Tell him that you love him and remind him that marriage makes you one so he never has to be afraid of being alone again,” Kurt continued, his expression earnest once more.
Never alone again. Yes, though I had been pushing Kurt away for months, I had never really been alone. And that was a good thing. I was weeping with joy for my son and new daughter-in-law, but also for me and for Kurt and for the enduring power of our marriage.
Then Kenneth and Naomi had their own vows to share.
“I will love you and cherish you until I die,” Naomi said solemnly and simply, and she put the ring on Kenneth’s finger.
“You are my one and only,” Kenneth said, putting the ring on Naomi’s finger.
After these simple words, Kurt pronounced them husband and wife, and that was it. We all clapped and stood for them as they walked back down the aisle and over to the gazebo that was waiting for them to greet their guests.
I went and took Kurt’s arm. “Good work,” I said, as I watched the catering truck pull into the parking lot nearby.
“It didn’t feel like it was right until the moment I stood up there and started. I was sure I was going to offend everyone and end up with no one left in their chairs at all. Not even you,” Kurt said.
“Well, you said exactly the right things. You made Kenneth and Naomi feel both loved and welcomed.” And no pressure to return to Mormonism, which I knew was quite difficult for him.
“Thank you,” Kurt said with emotion in his voice. After a moment, he added, “Although, you know, I can’t say I really take credit for all of it. Mostly, I just let myself say what I thought you would say if you were marrying them.”