“If you do not silence yourselves, you will be removed from the court,” Judge Sanchez says, raising her voice.
Three of them stop shouting and sit, but one woman continues. “Our dad did nothing wrong! Our dad followed all the rules! You are a liar, Celestine North! You should be ashamed, you should be disgusted with yourself!”
The guards make their way over to her; and as soon as they lay their hands on her, the other three jump up to defend her, their sister. I’m so close to calling out I’m so sorry to Clayton Byrne’s children, but my mouth goes dry and my heart beats maniacally.
“It is not right what you are doing,” one son shouts, glaring at me.
“You will be reminded to stay quiet,” Judge Sanchez says. “If you have one more outburst, you will be removed from the court.”
The four of them go silent and sit down. One daughter starts crying and is comforted by the other.
My heart starts to palpitate; my breathing is irregular. All eyes are on me, judging me, thinking these things of me. All this to prove that I am not Flawed, and by doing so I feel less than perfect. It feels wrong.
“Okay, Celestine?” Mr. Berry watches me intently.
My eyes dart around the room as I tally the people I am letting down: Granddad; Juniper; Dad; even Carrick at the back, who must know by now I’m lying; and the woman with the pixie cut who nodded at me with respect both days. Art, who is waiting for me somewhere outside, who told me to do exactly what Mr. Berry said. Myself. The people I will actually let down if I admit to being Flawed is far fewer.
“Can my client have a drink of water?” Mr. Berry asks.
My mind races as I see him pouring a glass of water and bringing it to me. I take a sip, my mind still racing, and suddenly I notice that Mr. Berry is trying to get my attention. The judges are talking to me and I haven’t been listening.
“I’m sorry, pardon?” I ask, coming back into the room.
“I said, what possessed you, Celestine? It’s a simple question, isn’t it?” Judge Sanchez is looking at me over the rim of her red-framed glasses, which match her lipstick.
It was the question my mom had asked, that countless others had asked. What possessed me? I never had an answer for them, but now I do. It’s not the answer I rehearsed with Mr. Berry, but they are the only words my mouth will allow me to say.
“He reminded me of my granddad,” I say, and it’s as though there is no air in the room. Not a sound. I see Carrick prick up at the back, stand more alert. I can now see his eyes, which were hidden beneath the cap. He’s looking right at me. Something about having his eyes on me makes me feel stronger.
“The old man, his name is Clayton Byrne,” I say closely into the microphone, the first time his name has been said. “When Clayton got on the bus, I thought he was my granddad.” I think about how I felt then as he started coughing. “He was coughing, and I thought he was going to die. I didn’t care if he was Flawed, I just saw a person, a human being, who reminded me of my granddad, who no one was helping. So to answer your question, of what possessed me … the answer is, compassion. And logic. He didn’t take a seat; I helped him into it. At the time,” I address everybody now, willing them to understand, “it felt like the perfectly right thing to do.”
Outrage. Mania. Noise. Bang, bang of the gavel.
TWENTY-FOUR
I LOOK AROUND the courtroom and see madness. The media are in a scuffle to get out the door to make their exclusive reports, members of the public are standing and throwing their arms at me in disgust. Those who supported me are feeling betrayed. I see my friend Marlena bury her face in her hands. She vouched for me, and I didn’t back her up. The Flawed in the back row appear genuinely moved, some angry that I took it this far in the first place, that I even allowed a day to go by with Clayton Byrne’s name being tainted. My mom is in tears and is being comforted by Dad, who has her head on his chest and is rocking back and forth at the same time as wrapping his arm around Juniper, who is staring at the ground in shock.
In the midst of all the madness, Granddad stands and claps with a proud smile on his face. I focus on that look, on that face, while inside my mind and body try to deal with what I have done.
The judges are banging their gavels, fighting to be heard over the public, fighting to be heard above one another.